You were at the tip of my toungue,
My teenage prayer redemption.
I dug my own fall to hell, oh-
The things I did, just to secure
A cavalier who'd protect me.
But silence echoed hauntingly,
And in it your answer I perceive-
You thought I wasn't yet ready
Now I'm happy, I'm living.
Emerging out my shell,
I seem to be better at it
than I thought I'd ever be.
Can't help but feel that
All this while really,
I've been missing-
the central piece
I can foresee the possibilities-
With or without your grace,
I'll be thriving, but having you
Is like having a moon, who
Reflects sunshine back at me.
Either I'm at the top, regretting
That I pushed you away, or
I'm wed to the one I was meant
The people I see stir it in me-
Acts of adore & words of honey.
Crying in their beloved's arms,
I'm jealous, I admit. But I hope
That this confession doesn't
Drive you even further away.
Because that'd be unbearable,
& I just want to be cherished too.
My story is yours to write, soulmate.
So swiggle as my loops as you like,
As long as I find my way back to you.
I shall wait for the day eagerly, when
Your contagious company infects me.
But every ticking second I spend alone
At night, I fear that by the time we meet
I might not have enough love, left to give.
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141,679 Literary Works • 675,523 Reviews
It's been a while since I wrote something this real, personal and unrefined- introspection that comes straight from the heart.
Always had mad respect for the poets who can write fancy while staying true, but that's not me. In the quest for improving and perfection, I forgot why I started poetry. It was a way to process the things I was too afraid to say out loud. And with this poem, I get back on track. It's not as half as good as some of my recent poetry but I'm proud of it nevertheless.
What better way to stave of anxiety over your reaction than to start reading your poems? =D
This makes me think I am onto something. Aww I really like someone who knows who they are and what they need and for whom an eventual relationship doesn’t fill a void but just adds things to their life!Ok the title already makes me think that this is a relationship about to end. And both parties are aware of that trajectory but it’s still too soon to let go. Uhmm never mind, the sun reflected off the screen weirdly and I read “until we’re X” and my brain supplied “It’s Alex. It’s gotta be ‘done’” Now I’m excited to see a hopeful, let’s fall in love poem from you, just for variety’s sake <3
I don’t know why but I immediately envision this with rhythm and melody. As if this is meant to be sung?
Hmm I’m not sure what to make of this first stanza. There’s a lot of good stuff in it. Like the thing with digging your own fall to hell. In service of finding protection? Someone to protect? I find that fascinating, especially since the stanza ends with the other proclaiming that the narrator is not yet ready. And that, idk they weren’t really talking beforehand. Did the cavalier not appreciate the effort, the ill-thoughtout effort that led to a fall to hell?
It kinda makes me think that the narrator decided “this is the one” and then built up this version of that person in his head without really talking to him about it? Or maybe, he was so desperately trying to find a relationship that he didn’t examine if he was in the right headspace, the right stage in life to enter one?
I wonder if the first stanza leads straight into the second stanza or if there is a significant time jump? Because it kinda sounds like the latter. That the narrator moved on and developed as a person, improved their mental health and became happier (all things handled without the need for a relationship, very good!) but still finds something lacking in his life, the missing central piece? (If this interpretation is at least close to what you intended I find that very sweet. That yes, you can be happy and well-settled without romance but that doesn’t mean that romance and a person close to you can’t make your life even better!)
What a beautiful phrasing <3
Oh and the final part of the third stanza makes me think that maybe he let go of his first love and “settled” for someone else? And the feeling of “but I am happy with this person, but… what if…?”
Okay, maybe the real issue is that he still clings to a different version of that person he’d been talking about all poem long?
Like here:
Hmmmmmmm intriguing.
Aww that works so well with the line about being jealous of other couples!
Ai, giving a lot of responsibility to the other person, huh? Also love that he called them soulmate.
Not sure what you mean here?
I love the ending of the poem. What does it mean to have no love left to give? Is it bc you spend it all thinking about loving without actually having the ability and opportunity to actually do it?
Thanks for sharing~
PS: Ofc I envisioned the narrator to be a guy. Hope that is ok @.@
Thanks again, Tikaa! And the WoS reviews are incoming are swear but I've just been having too boring of a life to get my heart into anything lol. Things are bound to get better when I meet with a friend and later my Aunt the next week so we'll see. But you really don't gotta worry about me reviewing for you, that's gonna stay no matter what.
Well you're gonna hate the ending then but this is still one of the more hopeful ones I've written.
Not my initial plan but I could force something out of this maybe..
The fall to hell was endlessly pining for a guy to the point of misery here, yeah so fun XD kinda like wanting it but not doing anything about is a receipe for disaster, yk?
Hmm, I get the confusion so let me elaborate. The subject here is not some literal guy but their future partner, kind of like you're talking to them in the hypothetical. So he's basically saying that the soulmate did not come in his life because he was not yet ready for their love. The reason for that being they are simply on the younger side and little inexperienced and they're seeking love for the wrong reasons rn cus you shouldn't shop when you're hungry, as they say.
You're right about this and the growing and not meeting but acknowledging that romance can make your life even better!
You very much for estimate my love life, ma'am XD
This was actually leaning into one of those hypothetical Crossroads, where the narrators sees 2 possibilities to his future- either he has a successful career but is without love, or the other one where he has found a partner but isn't that successful. I know that if someone is determined enough they can have it all but this poem is diving more into the internal doubts one deals with.
Yeah the narrator is still slightly a mess as he thinks this talk of how he wants love so much would push back his fate of finding it, as it did years ago. Tried some juxtaposition but guess it wasn't clear.
I think it's also about the power our loved inevitably hold over us, cus the narrator has already worked on themselves now it is up to luck or their future partner to decide the further course. Kind of like our friends and family write part of our life stories as well?
Typo, lemme fix!
Pretty much! It may be that the partner finds them at a time by when the narrator has already grown cold and distant and numb to the world dealing with all the difficulties alone. Or they've thought of love to the point of hating it now like some song you play continuously on repeat and now can't tolerate.
And the narrator was me, so it's alright! Most of my poems are from my own perspective, unless it's from a straight guy or girl's in which I try to make it obvious so you'll know. Again, thanks for this. Always makes my day <3
Ach Alex <3 Tortured poet through and through. I think when you finally find someone, I will first notice it while reading your poetry =D
Thanks for all the explanations, I always enjoy you elaborating on your poems
(I will eventually get back to you abt Aiden, I have it on my list!!)
This is really good! It feels incredibly genuine and that only makes it more powerful. Your description of waiting for a partner, for someone to love and the concern that you won't is something that I, and I suspect many others, find very relatable. You paint it in a really beautiful way. The description of your desperation in the last stanza is also very well written, I found it very powerful. To risk overly repeating myself, the writing itself is stunning. It sounds beautiful, but not forced. It sounds like how it feels instead of writing how you feel you must.
This quote in particular stood out to me:
"I'll be thriving, but having you
Is like having a moon, who
Reflects sunshine back at me."
I really love the imagery here and the ideas that this explores.
Overall, well done, thank you for putting this beautiful work onto YWS!
I really enjoyed this it feels very dreamy and romantic but there is also this quiet sadness underneath it especially in the beginning i liked the contrast between the first part where the speaker is questioning whether she has enough love left to give and the later partwhere she seems completely surrounded by love the imagery is probably my favorite part. Lines like lights camera & i love you and you pluck at my heartstrings fit really well with the idea of the person being an artist and the speaker being his muse the whole star and universe imagery also makes the relationship feel almost unreal like she is living inside a love song i also really liked the little details especially the trembling hands and the reassuring smile they make the relationship feel more personal rather than just being described as perfect
The ending with her calling herself the muse of an artist was really sweet and tied the whole piece together nicely It has a very soft almost cinematic feeling to it rhe only thing I found slightly confusing was the transition between some of the sections, but I think the dreamy fragmented style works with the emotion of the poem
Overall this felt like falling in love and watching yourself become someones favorite song Really beautiful work. 🖤
Lol it seems like you reviewed another poem of mine 'The Muse' by mistake here. But it's a solid interpretation for that, so thanks anyways!