I stare at the clock as it goes tick tock, tick tock. I was thinking about what happened that night why Galaxy fell asleep so late and why he never hears the yellow alarm clock. My mind flashes back to him swinging on a swing, playing with his guitar, and jumping on his bed. Why could he sleep this late, doing nothing? Just roaming around messing with me when I write my thesis for school, barking because he wants to play with my dog, and talks to trees.
But that night he slept, sinking in the memory foam, what was he dreaming about? I stare at the clock more deeply. Humph, what was all the 500 cents for? Does this even work on him? I look at him still sleeping soundly on the soft memory foam bed. Will he ever wake up? You dead, bro?
Anyways, this will take my time let's do my thesis. I walk half-way through the door. "AHHHH!" Galaxy shouts from a dream. "Indigo?"
He runs to me, "I thought I lost you."
He cries on my shoulder like a baby. Imagine. A 6-foot tall male crying on my 5'2 shoulder, like a baby.
"What happened?" I pat his head gently but quick.
"I dreamt about you dying from a seizure and I had no one to cry on the shoulder."
"Boy," I laugh. "I had a seizure when I was two. Do you think my teenaged big body would have that again? Hmm?"
"At least, I'm happy to know that you're still here." He hugs me tightly.
"Bro, stop suffocating my body with your hugs."
"I just love you!"
"Okay." I hug him back. "Understandable, I guess. 'Cause you're my bestie. But the one that is not understandable is you waking up so late. Y'know what? Your yellow alarm clock was blaring while I had an online class in a video meeting call. And the worst part was my speaker was on and the whole class were in shock. It was embrassing."
"Oh, sorry." He hugs me again. "Sorry, sorry. Can I take you out to somewhere, where ever you want to go. Where?"
I laugh. "We'll go later. When I finish my thesis."
"Okay." He smiles. "I'll wait."
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Quick review since I have to study.
Cute names, Galaxy and Indigo. If you think of it, the color indigo is quite prominent in the color of some galaxies. I don't know you intentionally thought of that, but the names are cute nonetheless.
I like how you depict their unlikely friendship, a goal-oriented, organized girl and an emotional, sleepyhead boy. Their banter is natural and makes you want to put them together as a couple. Friends to lovers? hahaha
Overall, this is a cute story and honestly a nice break to read and review from my studies! I love reading your writings.
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
Hi!
This was a great read, short and sweet. I love how you wrote the dialogue,
" "Okay." I hug him back. "Understandable, I guess. 'Cause you're my bestie. But the one that is not understandable is you waking up so late. Y'know what? Your yellow alarm clock was blaring while I had an online class in a video meeting call. And the worst part was my speaker was on and the whole class were in shock. It was embrassing."
I like how you used words like "cause" and "I guess" and "Y'know" since it makes it more realistic, as people do talk like this.
I absolutely love Galaxy and Indigo, you executed their bond and relationship so well
" "Boy," I laugh. "I had a seizure when I was two. Do you think my teenaged big body would have that again? Hmm?"
"At least, I'm happy to know that you're still here." He hugs me tightly.
"Bro, stop suffocating my body with your hugs."
"I just love you!""
Especially these lines, their conversation seems so real and genuine, it just shows how comfortable they are with each other. I love how when Galaxy said "I just love you!" Indigo said "Understandable", I love the humor
Overall, this was such a fun read!
Thank you! I made that dialogue when I was in a car and I think I was imagining how it would be if a had a guy friend.
The text above narrates a conversation between two friends, "Galaxy" and "Indigo," on a particular night. Galaxy has awoken late at night and speaks with Indigo. He reveals that he had dreamed about Indigo dying from a seizure and had no one to cry on his shoulder. Indigo responds by pointing out that he had a seizure when he was two years old and it is unlikely that his teenage body would experience one again. The conversation then turns to the topic of Galaxy waking up late and causing embarrassment during an online class that Indigo was attending. Galaxy apologizes and offers to take Indigo out to a location of his choice once Indigo finishes his thesis.
Upon analysis of the content of the text, the central theme appears to be the emotional relationship between the two friends and the thoughts of an individual who has awoken late at night. The text also touches upon Galaxy's fear of losing Indigo and his love for him. This story can be interpreted as one that focuses on the themes of friendship and emotional bonds.
I like the way how you think about my story like this. That's very nice. But Indigo is a girl actually but it's okay to think of which character any gender you want but I made Indigo a girl. Thank you for the comment/review!
Heya jisrahinav!
Shady here with a quick review for you! This piece is fairly short so my review likely will be, too, but nonetheless, I hope to have helpful feedback for you all the same. Let's get started...
I'm not sure I quite understand this line? Seizures can happen to anyone at any age -- and actually the fact that they have a history of them makes them at significantly higher risk of having them again in the future. So this would be a reasonable concern for their brother to have for them. Why do they think that they're safe from seizures now that they are a teenager? I think this could use a bit more explanation because right now I am just legitimately confused about this line, so if there's some reason why they believe this, it would be nice to know.
~
Awww, this was such a sweet little story! Galaxy is absolutely ADORABLE in his softness for Indigo and I am HERE for it <3 We love to see a man in touch with his emotions, and it was so heartwarming to see his concern for the narrator's health and well-being. It's clear they have a special bond and this was a cute little snippet to read.
You do a really nice job of setting up the voices of the characters to be distinct and wholesome and convey a lot about their relationship in not a lot of space. This was a fun read and I'm glad I got to do so ^^
Hope this helped!
~Shady
Thank you @Shady for your review! This line meant that Indigo is a healthy person and she rarely gets sick and get seizure. But this is helpful too. Thanks a lot!
Hi there Ina! Lim here with a review!
My first impressions are that this is a nice light-hearted story. I liked the interactions between the two characters. I’m thinking they’re siblings since the narrator calls Galaxy “bro”? I also had the impression that the narrator was quite a bit older than the brother, since they were writing a “thesis”, which I think is usually for university-level education, while the way they described the brother, it seemed he had much more free time. I could be wrong, though! I think in another part they also said they were a teenager, so they might actually be in high school or something.
Glows – What I liked
I liked that the situation was described in the first paragraph. The alarm clock is ringing, but Galaxy hasn’t woken up yet. It made me wonder ‘hmm, what’s wrong?’.
Galaxy having a nightmare also made sense as a way to continue the story. I think a lot of us can relate to waking up late because of dreams! I also liked the descriptions in the narrator’s thoughts of what their brother normally does. I thought it made sense, showing that they’re annoyed at how Galaxy is managing to wake up late despite not having tons of homework to do, and also showing a bit more of Galaxy’s personality.
Grows – Ideas to try out
Something I thought when I read the end of the story was ‘hmm, this finished very quickly’. I felt like if I just had a nightmare similar to Galaxy’s, it would take a while longer for me to reassured that everything’s okay, if that makes sense.
It could also make it easier to imagine the characters if there were more descriptions in your writing. For example, I liked how this part described the heights of the two characters in comparison to one another:
So even though numbers are involved (and I’m bad at imagining how tall someone is based on numbers) I know that one is much taller than the other and I found I could imagine the scene. Some other descriptions to include could be: the character’s clothes, eye colour, hair, etc. Though it’s good to avoid having *too much* description all at once, a little bit here and there can do a lot to make a short story more vivid c:
I like the idea of the last line. For me it shows that Galaxy is feeling reassured, and okay not to cling to his sibling even though he initially felt afraid he was going to lose them. I kind of felt like I wanted to know a bit more about the characters. Does Galaxy often have fears about losing his sibling because of the seizure? How might the both of them overcome that? The narrator seems to have accepted it, since they’re quite calm in this story, so I’m curious as to their thoughts on what happened when they were 2. Some interesting things to explore if you ever revise this story, and also in general writing about ‘why’ characters do things can be interesting to explore.
Overall
I think there’s a good concept here for a realistic short story with a bit of humor. Both characters are quite likeable, even though we only read about them for such a short period of time. Some interesting things to try with your writing might be adding more description to the characters actions, gestures, as well as adding more details about why a character feels a certain way or does something.
Hope this helps and let me know if you’d like more feedback!
-Lim
Thank you for your helpful review! Actually, Galaxy isn't Indigo's brother. They are just childhood best friends since diapers. Galaxy and Indigo are the characters that are related to every story I put in this folder I have with a couple of short stories about best friends but that's very nice to think that how close they are, they start to act like siblings. But your review was nice and helpful to. Thank you again.
Ah, I see! That's my mistake then ^^' I probably would have known that if I had read the other stories in the folder as well.
That's okay.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This was another lovely little story of friendship here, this time revolving more around this one singular event and I think it creates a powerful little scene here that brings across a similar lovely message.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite a start here. Naturally we have a pretty long mention of an alarm clock but I love this is tied to someone not actually waking up for some reason. The way this death question is asked so jokingly suggests that maybe its not an actual showcase of a death but rather someone who's sleeping and it is a pretty humorous situation to open too.
Well that escalated rather quickly there. Its a bit of a sudden transition so I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out what exactly you're going for here but it looks like this person had woken up and is now being comforted about the other person about a pretty bad nightmare that they seem to have said.
Well this is a lovely little scene. You can see these two having some genuine love for each other but its hidden behind a layer of the typical sort of friendly insults you tend to often have between friends and its beautiful.
Hmm this feels like perhaps it has some connection to the two other pieces you had about friendship, certainly these two would fit right in with it. At any rate its a beautiful little moment between the two and I think you do a wonderful job of capturing a pretty loving and fairly realistic friendship here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, another lovely story. I always enjoy reading these little piece because they're always so simple and wholesome but they manage to convey a pretty powerful little message within that package.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you!
You're Welcome!!