A thief of love and freedom,
A reaper of life and hope,
A killer of dreams,
A darkness so grim,
A chaos was brought to you
A massacre of happiness,
A murder of a wish,
The death of rationality,
The emptiness of reality,
This anarchy is meant for you
The death of a beloved hero,
The rise of a notorious villain,
The budding of war,
The end's not far,
The world's only hope is you
Yet you abandoned mankind,
You who are supposed to be kind,
You who have been chosen,
You never did awaken,
To the screams of people who revered you
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142,051 Literary Works • 676,469 Reviews
Hello! This poem was a truly dramatic and thought provoking poem, great work! I do have some critiques, though.
1. The quote,
sounds a bit weak as compared to others such as,
The word "dim," just means "lacking bright light." It's not quite dark, but not quite light. It doesn't feel as strong as the words "deep" or "grim" might, as it doesn't give off such strong imagery.
2. I noticed a typo. In line 17, you write,
I believe you meant "You who are supposed to be kind."
Overall, this is an amazing poem that feels like it could show up in Harry Potter.
Thank you, have a good night/day, and be safe!
Hey, thanks for spotting the typo and suggestion. I'll just edit it real quick hehe ^^
Ofc!
Hey!
This poem is genuinely so amazing and beautifully written. It feels really personal, like you know your purpose but you're just not working on it. It made me think of my own purpose in life.
I loved this work<3
Aww thank you! ^^
Hi! Hope you are doing well today/tonight/whatever time it is for you!
This poem reads to me like an accusation aimed at a god, or some sort of chosen one, or absent saviour figure. It's like a prayer but inverted into a lament, and it does this very strongly.
The anaphora in this poem builds momentum well, starting every line in the first stanza with A, then shifting to The, then Yet, You, etc escalates the poem slowly and gives it a nice rhythm. Switching to "The death of... The rise of..." in the third stanza shifts the scale of the poem from personal loss to essentially a civilizational collapse. The turning to You in that last stanza recontextualises everything else; these are the consequences of someone's actions.
One thing I would suggest to improve is the grammar; you use commas, but no periods. I would put a period at the end of every stanza if it is the end of the line. It's fine not to be grammatically consistent in poetry if that's the specific idea, but since this poem isn't intentionally trying to experiment with punctuation and you are using commas correctly, I would do this too!
I think another thing that could strengthen it is that a lot of lines are rooted in abstraction. I think that grounding one or two in something concrete or sensory would allow the strongest abstract images (like "the emptiness of reality") to hit even harder
Heya! Thanks for the review, I'll keep that in mind next time. I honestly didn't think of any of that when writing this. My usual thought process when making poems is like "Whichever sounds good" so reading reviews like this is a fresh perspective ^^
Wow! What a poem. Dragonight here to leave a review on it. Based on your description I wanted to ask if this was your own work or one you really liked and wanted to post here. The reason I ask is that I find poetry says a lot about the writer and expresses feelings that are often difficult to describe.
I'm going to break it down into three parts. The grammar of the poem, how it makes me feel and the story it tells.
The grammar is good. I like how you slowly transitioned the start of the sentences from 'A' to 'The' to 'You'. This showed the narrowing of focus (and perhaps blame) to the one being addressed.
The poem evokes feelings of anger, betrayal and woundedness. The death of joyful fantasy by cold reality. The story it tells is one where a terrible event or tragedy darkens the writer's life. The usual thinks that would save them fail so they turn to a higher power, hoping for rescue, but this higher power fails them too.
Everyone can have their own interpretation of the meaning and story, but my interpretation is that this writer is expressing how the world, society perhaps, has crushed them and stolen their joy and freedom. They then turn to religion, perhaps Christianity, and their problems were not solved despite how much they revered and cried out to God.
My interpretation is influenced by my own background (being Christian myself) so it may not be what the author intended. However, I do believe that is part of what poetry is about.
Overall this is a great poem that tells a deep tale with good descriptive language.
May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.
It's my original poem, like one of those work you randomly wrote one day and ended up cooking! And yeah you can interpret it that way but what I had in mind when writing it is an "Anti-Hero", a "Chosen One" who decided to abandon mankind altogether hehe. Also, thanks for the review! ^^