I once knew a maiden as pure as snow,
An angel radiating a holy glow
With eyes gentle as mother dear,
Voice, calming — oh so pleasant to hear!
Words sweet as cherry,
Gaze soft and merry
Her kindness embraces tightly,
The very embodiment of beauty
Yet, when I'm with her I feel—
Her mocking gaze and petty leer
Her pretty mask starts to break,
Revealing a smile, Oh so — Fake!
And like the old saying goes,
Thorns always come with the rose
Hiding behind her lush, vibrant eyes,
A secret kept — of the devil
In disguise
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141,837 Literary Works • 675,943 Reviews
This was a very interesting poem. I've never really been good a writing poems which is why I love reading them. I find It so impressive! The message Is very clear all in all and the wording was nicely done. I'd love to read more work done by you on other themes, since this trope (good girl who's secretly evil) is quite recurring. Since this is psychology, I wonder if you'll do other psychological poems as well, that are a tad more complex?
I enjoy writing psychology too!
Anyway welcome to YWS (I'm new too!).
Hiii Sophia, welcome to YWS! I hope u like it in here. I actually have a few more poems that tackles some psychological themes too, but things happened and I lost the files (T_T) I still remember some of them tho so I guess it's still possible to restore them ^^
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a poem about a very pleasant-looking maiden who just “looks pleasant” but does not actually have a lovely personality.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that in the ending the positive traits about the way her face looks becomes negative because somebody that’s “too perfect” is always going to feel uncanny or not genuine. The prettiness can become mocking after a while and her being the devil in disguise fits! (Also love the cover art!)
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely poem about the beauty being nothing more than a show and not reflective of the soul. I have enjoyed reading this and now…
I wish you a miraculous day/night! ^v^
Thank you for the review! Ohh, I like this review structure, I'll try it next time I have the chance
oki! ^v^
I really like the theme of this poem- very relatable and real. The rhyme scheme is good- however it is slightly inconsistent. Most of the words in your rhyme scheme are what are called perfect rhymes. However in some verses you use what are called slant rhymes. Slant rhymes are still considered rhymes, and are used widely in poetry. Many famous poets and even famous songwriters use slang rhymes. And your use of them are smart, however using slant rhymes and perfect rhymes in the same verse make your poem sound inconsistent and a little messy. For example, in your second verse, you use the words "cherry" and "merry" which are perfect rhymes and go great together. However you also use the words "tightly" and beauty" which are slant rhymes. These words can definitely be used together as a rhyme in poetry and are great examples of a slant rhyme. But when you use them in the same verse as a perfect rhyme, the words dont flow as well. It is okay to use slant rhymes and perfect rhymes in the same poem. But I would advise against using them in the same verse. Otherwise great work overall!!
Thank you! I have a habit of rhyming things, maybe that will help me improve my rhymes ^^