Young Writers Society

Damn...Honestly, this kinda feels like a fever dream to me. I feel like this story kinda took the concept of Tantalus from Greek mythology and sprinkled some angst and real-world topics in it, and I'm all for it. Maybe I might be interpreting this wrong but...Whatever. You somehow made allergies into something dramatic and sorrowful (which it is, I'm not gonna lie). But I feel like you did a really good job coordinating the rhymes, and that it deeply portrays the perspective of a person allergic to gluten.

Overall, it's pretty good.

Lines 1-6 were pretty good. They depict the protagonist as if they are in a lion's den. They also portray the "proteins" as if they are evil monsters lurking in the shadows, that they have to be on guard at all times, which is pretty realistic in today's world.

Lines 6-11 were also my favorite too. It's like they yearn for a taste of "the forbidden bread", but they can't. It's a very sad trope, but I feel that you nailed it. I would say more, but I have to go somewhere, so...Adios!

Greetings Poet!

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye an appealing poem titled “The Gluten's Cruel Embrace A Celiac's Lament” that deserves a good review. Therefore without further ado, let’s begin.



Your poem explores the experience of living with Celiac disease, which is a medical condition that has some unpleasant consequences. It is almost as if you've poured your entire heart into this poem, the emotional depth is really on another level. You skillfully portray the emotional struggle of someone with the Celiac disease. It captures the frustration, isolation, and longing for foods that contain gluten.

I think that many people can relate to the theme of eating limitations and feeling left out in social situations due to food preferences or allergies. This makes the poem relatable to a broad audience.
The poem uses clear and straightforward language to paint a vivid picture of the challenges faced by the narrator. You use metaphors like "a prisoner of a gluten-laden realm" and "gluten's poison" effectively.

While the language is generally simple and accessible, a few lines, such as "A constant struggle, a battle unseen," might benefit from even simpler language to maintain the overall clarity and accessibility of your poem.
Your poem is structured as a series of couplets, which works well to convey the narrative. However, some variation in line length or stanza structure could add visual interest and emphasise certain lines or emotions.

Everything in the all, and the all in everything, I enjoyed reading this short and yet remarkable poem. Your poem gets its message across well, but a few tweaks in structure and language could make it even more engaging and powerful for the reader.

Feel free to check out Mind's Labyrinth by @WritersUnlock for some extra inspiration and ideas to spice up your own storytelling!

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!

Yours in Puzzling Shadows,
Rose

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I loved how it was bringing humor to dietary restrictions, an area of life that's super annoying to downright painful (especially for celiacs). While I am not celiac, I think you did a great job capturing the difficulties of that lifestyle while pairing it with a humorous attitude that made this poem a thoroughly enjoyable read!

I loved your use of exaggeration in this poem. It really helped build up that satire/humor element of the poem, and also helped personify gluten as this tangible, classic fairytale enemy, which I thought was also quite funny. Describing proteins as "invisible foes" and restaurant menus as a "daunting maze" really help illustrate to the readers just how difficult being gluten-free is, since it truly is everywhere. Your word choice throughout did so much to further that--- really nice work!

I think the biggest thing I noticed was how sometimes, the flow of your poem seemed to falter; I'm a big stickler for rhyming in poems, and while I love reading poems that rhyme, having a consistent rhythm, for me, elevates them even more. You started off with a really strong rhythm, but there were a few lines throughout that felt clunky. One of my biggest tips to help improve that is to try reading your poem aloud; if the rhythm is consistent, you'll be able to fall into a flow and keep reading each stanza in the same way. If you find yourself stumbling, synonyms for words can be really helpful to cut down on syllables/find the right word that fits in with the cadence.

Specifics

A single crumb, a careless touch,

Leads to a torment that's just too much.

My body rebels, a battleground within,

As gluten's poison does its cruel spin.

So, here I stand, a Celiac soul,

With a heart that's heavy, a lifelong toll.

I mourn the loss of gluten's embrace,

And navigate a world where I must find my place.