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​The Gluten's Cruel Embrace: A Celiac's Lament

by AilahEvelynMae

In a world of wheat and flour, I slowly tread,

Bound by chains of Celiac's dread.

A prisoner of a gluten-laden realm,

Where every bite could overwhelm.

Invisible foes, these proteins, they hide,

Within the grains, where dangers reside.

I long for a taste of the forbidden bread,

But gluten's vengeance fills me with dread.

A single crumb, a careless touch,

Leads to a torment that's just too much.

My body rebels, a battleground within,

As gluten's poison does its cruel spin.

Oh, the temptations that surround me,

Pastries, pizzas, and pasta, you see.

I watch them all from afar, in despair,

Knowing they're a burden I cannot bear.

Friends gather around, devouring bread with glee,

While I sit there, isolated, and empty.

An outcast in a world of glutenous delight,

I long for a taste, but it's never right.

The restaurant menus, a daunting maze,

With hidden gluten in many a craze.

I ask for a gluten-free dish with care,

But cross-contamination's always there.

The social gatherings, a bittersweet plight,

As I bring my own food to the table's light.

I smile through the pain, pretending it's fine,

But inside, I'm crumbling, one day at a time.

The sadness of being Celiac, it's true,

Is not just the diet, but a life askew.

A constant struggle, a battle unseen,

Between what I crave and what's truly clean.

So, here I stand, a Celiac soul,

With a heart that's heavy, a lifelong toll.

I mourn the loss of gluten's embrace,

And navigate a world where I must find my place.

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10 Reviews

Points: 155
Reviews: 10

Fri Sep 22, 2023 11:59 pm
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jadeactor wrote a review...

Damn...Honestly, this kinda feels like a fever dream to me. I feel like this story kinda took the concept of Tantalus from Greek mythology and sprinkled some angst and real-world topics in it, and I'm all for it. Maybe I might be interpreting this wrong but...Whatever. You somehow made allergies into something dramatic and sorrowful (which it is, I'm not gonna lie). But I feel like you did a really good job coordinating the rhymes, and that it deeply portrays the perspective of a person allergic to gluten.

Overall, it's pretty good.

Lines 1-6 were pretty good. They depict the protagonist as if they are in a lion's den. They also portray the "proteins" as if they are evil monsters lurking in the shadows, that they have to be on guard at all times, which is pretty realistic in today's world.

Lines 6-11 were also my favorite too. It's like they yearn for a taste of "the forbidden bread", but they can't. It's a very sad trope, but I feel that you nailed it. I would say more, but I have to go somewhere, so...Adios!

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124 Reviews

Points: 21210
Reviews: 124

Thu Sep 21, 2023 11:37 pm
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Rose wrote a review...

Greetings Poet!

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye an appealing poem titled “The Gluten's Cruel Embrace A Celiac's Lament” that deserves a good review. Therefore without further ado, let’s begin.


Your poem explores the experience of living with Celiac disease, which is a medical condition that has some unpleasant consequences. It is almost as if you've poured your entire heart into this poem, the emotional depth is really on another level. You skillfully portray the emotional struggle of someone with the Celiac disease. It captures the frustration, isolation, and longing for foods that contain gluten.

I think that many people can relate to the theme of eating limitations and feeling left out in social situations due to food preferences or allergies. This makes the poem relatable to a broad audience.
The poem uses clear and straightforward language to paint a vivid picture of the challenges faced by the narrator. You use metaphors like "a prisoner of a gluten-laden realm" and "gluten's poison" effectively.

While the language is generally simple and accessible, a few lines, such as "A constant struggle, a battle unseen," might benefit from even simpler language to maintain the overall clarity and accessibility of your poem.
Your poem is structured as a series of couplets, which works well to convey the narrative. However, some variation in line length or stanza structure could add visual interest and emphasise certain lines or emotions.

Everything in the all, and the all in everything, I enjoyed reading this short and yet remarkable poem. Your poem gets its message across well, but a few tweaks in structure and language could make it even more engaging and powerful for the reader.

Feel free to check out Mind's Labyrinth by @WritersUnlock for some extra inspiration and ideas to spice up your own storytelling!

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!

Yours in Puzzling Shadows,

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664 Reviews

Points: 79686
Reviews: 664

Thu Sep 21, 2023 3:21 am
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Plume wrote a review...

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I loved how it was bringing humor to dietary restrictions, an area of life that's super annoying to downright painful (especially for celiacs). While I am not celiac, I think you did a great job capturing the difficulties of that lifestyle while pairing it with a humorous attitude that made this poem a thoroughly enjoyable read!

I loved your use of exaggeration in this poem. It really helped build up that satire/humor element of the poem, and also helped personify gluten as this tangible, classic fairytale enemy, which I thought was also quite funny. Describing proteins as "invisible foes" and restaurant menus as a "daunting maze" really help illustrate to the readers just how difficult being gluten-free is, since it truly is everywhere. Your word choice throughout did so much to further that--- really nice work!

I think the biggest thing I noticed was how sometimes, the flow of your poem seemed to falter; I'm a big stickler for rhyming in poems, and while I love reading poems that rhyme, having a consistent rhythm, for me, elevates them even more. You started off with a really strong rhythm, but there were a few lines throughout that felt clunky. One of my biggest tips to help improve that is to try reading your poem aloud; if the rhythm is consistent, you'll be able to fall into a flow and keep reading each stanza in the same way. If you find yourself stumbling, synonyms for words can be really helpful to cut down on syllables/find the right word that fits in with the cadence.


A single crumb, a careless touch,

Leads to a torment that's just too much.

My body rebels, a battleground within,

As gluten's poison does its cruel spin.

I just wanted to say that this part was my favorite; I liked how it emphasized the potency of gluten for a celiac.

So, here I stand, a Celiac soul,

With a heart that's heavy, a lifelong toll.

I mourn the loss of gluten's embrace,

And navigate a world where I must find my place.

Somehow, I felt like this conclusion didn't feel as final as it could have (and quite possibly that's your intention!) Something about the sentiment "must find my place" didn't mesh with the rest of the poem to me. Since it's a lament, it's very... well, lamentful. In other words, this ending felt almost too hopeful and driven from the very mournful, mopey, and hopeless attitude that the rest of the poem had. I think perhaps incorporating more of that hope and willingness to fight back gluten would make the line land better; or you could shift it to match the rest of the sullen attitude the rest of the work has.

Overall: nice work! I love unconventional poems like this one, and I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!

The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown