I'm trying my absolute best to not get too attached to you
I'm trying to suppress a bunch of unrevealed feelings
I’m trying to slow down the pace
even though you have my heart pacing a little faster
I get lost between your lips and your eyes
But yet, I just found myself thinking about you
I can't seem to grasp why you make me feel this way
but I know for a fact I’m not letting you go
So on your mark.....get set.....stay
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137,885 Literary Works • 672,070 Reviews
Hello ALostPoet! I heard that you are new! So, let me roll out the welcome mat by giving you a review!
This really hit home because this is exactly what I feel like right now. I felt my heart pacing a little faster thinking of a significant other while reading this piece of poetry.
I can see that this poem is meaningful to you through the ending.
The final line is a stroke of genius. Twisting common sayings that we hear all the time is a great way to grab your reader's attention.
Although I enjoyed this poem very much, I didn't have enough time in it to get too attached. It would be more real to me if it were longer and displayed more emotion. If you extend this work, please tell me! I look forward to reading more of your writing!
It certainly appears that your writing is heading in the right direction, don't get too lost, okay?
Happy Review Day!
yubbies21
keep holding.
I agree with Ariana here, I like the ending a lot. It does seem a little generic. It i can tell it was heartfelt and meaningful for you. I liked this overall, I like that it's easy to read and ur flow is obvious. I would try to work something out with the whole pace repeating thing as well...I hope to see more poetry from you soon!!
-Laci<3
thank you
Hi there! Welcome to YWS!
So anyway, I'm going to start this poem off by noting what I liked. This poem starts off being repetitive, but then reverts into somewhat of a brief love song. You use some neat figurative language here and manage to keep the reader interested. However, I think this could be improved. My only feal criticism is in the redundancy. You say, "I'm trying" three times in a row. Also you say
"I'm trying to slow down the pace
Even though you have my heart pacing a little faster"
Personally, I think it would sound better if you said either
"I'm trying to slow down the race"
Or "Even though you have my heart racing a little faster", that way, you don't repeat pace twice. My favorite part was the ending though. I liked the whole play on "On your mark, get ready, get set, GO!"
thank you
I got "Lost" while reading this poem
Hehehehe
Hey, Strangelove here. I have a good ol' review for you.
First off, Ain't nobody got time for that! (Nice photo)
The main idea I got from this is that you love this girl, but you are trying to stop yourself before you get too far and get heart broken in the upcoming future. So you want to stay in the middle. Go too far, get screwed over in the long run. Go too short, lose her. IT'S ALL ABOUT STAYING IN THE MIDDLE. I like that, as it isn't say "Gurl I wanna take u in a motel for one night becuz I luvs u sooooo much" I really do respect that. You talked about her special features like "I get lost in her lips and her eyes." Props to you
Cons: Slightly generic, a lot of guys do this to win a girl over
Yet, you have a slighter edge in the swagger category
The heart might be need, might be not
Overall, good poem
Mein Fuher!! Mandrake gives you!
7.4/10
Good job
Keep Writing
thank you