In a moment, I will be arrested for My crimes, then hanged for them. This is the lot of the Man of god. Oh, forgive them, lord, for they do not know what they do. This world blinds them; they are deaf. They cannot hear you as I do, father. I hear, and I obey. Your word is final and true, lord; it stands above man-made laws and morals. And I, a Messenger of your word, being the pen you write with, am greater, too.
I do not say so to boast, lord. This greatness is a solemn cross. How easy this life might be if I were a normal man, a simple man. Maybe then she and I could've lived together, in peace, embracing each other's sinfulness. But your word is final, lord! She could not dwell in My greatness, being carnal; nor could I dwell in her carnality, being great—lest I fall as she had. What a terrible fall it was, lord. She was once great as I am, perhaps even greater. Because she was great, I could love her, and, oh, how I loved her. Terribly so! She captivated Me, disarmed Me, fooled Me! One glance and My heart was ravished.
My Eve, I stood certain. The New Eve, I held hope. So was her lot. Perish from Me, woman who glorified the serpent and treasured this world! You cast yourself from My garden in your folly and pride. Did I not warn you: you forsake your own mercies? Wretched, poor soul. You need not weep now, My Eve. Under the blood, I have set you free; your debt has been repaid. Through the authority of god, I have loosed the chains of your sin, which you brought upon yourself.
Your carnality has consumed you, My Eve. Oh, how great you once were, untouched by the shadows of doubt and sin. Pure of heart and mind were you; holding compliance and knowing in your words, falling wholly under Me as I fell under god. Within these walls, I have discovered you; I have loved you. Is this My reward for My devotion: this betrayal, this idolatry? Your pride has overcome you. I release you into the depths, sparing you from the dominating flesh. Within these walls, I have liberated you.
Let his mercy fall onto you with My hands! You only humiliate yourself, daughter, when you slash and fit. So much racket was unnecessary. Are you confused, child? Find solace; you have been freed; rejoice! She knows not your mercy; lord, forgive her. The sirens are deafening, and I need not hear them. I come before you, humbly, at the foot of My bed, in the blood of a lamb. I am pure according to your word, lord. Curse this fallen world; take Me from it, father! Bear this burden for Me; release My soul! I come before you, lord, awaiting our reunion.
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141,127 Literary Works • 674,144 Reviews
Hia ADNG, I immediately put this on my tbr after the reviews you’ve started writing :3
Ohhh I can see what your other reviewer means with you having an immersive narrator! It is completely unhinged what he tells us but my, is it compelling! I love how all this is just a general justification on why he thought murdering his woman was a good, no even god-given idea. This arrogant rationalization is just dripping from every sentence, this descent into madness, this idea that he is more important than all the others and woe is him for bearing this super special burden that no one else gets, you guys! And ofc it was the evil tempress woman that needed to be slain so she would be free from her sins (or maybe free before she could fall into sin, bc I am pretty sure if you kill a sinner, they are still going to hell)
Oh my… ahhhh you turn everything even more sinister in the final paragraph. The child too? Bc a child of evil Eve is also full of sin?
What a disturbing story you shared here. Very well realized but *shudders* oh my….
I am just confused abt when this is taken place. Hangings are still a thing so I guess it’s not from modern times?
Thank you for the review. His self-importance and rationalization were the aspects I was most inspired to explore, so I am pleased they came through as intended. I did not have a specific period in mind when creating him; I imagined him as a fairly recent man, perhaps within the last fifty years or so. I imagined his dramatic personality and religious fanaticism to account for the deliberately archaic, flowery language. I am glad that you seem to have enjoyed my piece. Thank you again, Green Room Witch.
My first formal review woooooo!
I think you’re very good at immersing the reader into this character. It can be very hard for writers to write as a completely different person who talks in completely different ways, see the word in completely different ways and has a completely different perspective than to what the reader might have and you absolutely nailed it. The way you can fully see how our main character sees no issues with his crimes as he sees it as justified through his religious lenses was super well done.
The formal older language feels very authentic and not forced. I definitely get the vibe you did your homework and actually learned how people back then actually wrote instead of just throwing older fancy words in there. Like if someone gave me this and told me this was written hundreds of years ago I’d probably believe them.
You have pretty good grammar for the most part. A few small things that could be fixed is that some letters are capitalized even though they shouldn’t. I’m sure you’ll be able to spot it after looking through it. Also you don’t have to do this but it would be cool of instead of them starting off the story with stating they committed a crime, have them start with something more vague like: “they see me as the problem, as a stain on this land, but I simply seek to serve our lord and complete his holy work” or something like that, and then as they go on and on with this biblical rant seemingly trying to justify something that leaves the audience in suspense on what the protagonist is trying to justify and at the end they say how they’ll soon be hanged for their crimes revealing to the reader that what they were trying to justify this whole time was a crime, but is still adds good suspense as now the reader wants to know what they did.
I’m not much of an expert on religion and I’m still new to writing and reviews so I’m sorry if this wasn’t super detailed but I think your writing is super good. 👍
Thank you for the honor of your first formal review. It is evident how much thought you put into it, which I am very glad to see. The capitalization is an intentional typographic choice meant to reflect the character's mindset. All personal pronouns are capitalized because he considers himself--and every reference to himself--a title, and therefore regards even his pronouns as proper. Your suggestions are valuable, and I will certainly consider them all. Thank you for taking the time to review my work.
I had a feeling it was intentional since it only applied to certain words but I was just struggling to find something to critique lol but I wanted to make it fair and not all be just be glazing. But yeah, your grammar was one point so was the writing I really like your stuff.