Persecution

This is my first attempt at poetry, and I am rather unfamiliar with the form. I would appreciate any criticism, particularly regarding structure, imagery, and rhythm. I ask you to be direct and brutal. My ego can handle it.

Hey, I liked reading this, but I feel like the best part in the poem is repetition. The constant repeating of running, hiding, fighting, and trying to stop the man from coming after the narrator creates a sense of endless cycle which the narrator is unable to get out of. It also makes the poem feel rushed, as if the narrator is struggling to get words out quickly, which is appropriate to the subject matter.

I also liked the juxtaposition of ideas towards the end of the poem, where the narrator is saying, "I love him," but also, "I hate him," and “I don’t want him,” , which adds a level of complexity to the relationship between the narrator and the man chasing them. The switch to watching him hurt the narrator while far away was another interesting choice that made me start second-guessing if the man was a real character or a representation/metaphor.

That being said, I felt like the imagery could be a bit better. In some parts, the poem seems to just describe what is happening, rather than telling images and metaphors and allowing the reader to experience it with the narrator. Some vivid sensory details might be able to add that "punch" without needing to make the scenes so bloody and gory.

I also liked these lines: "I sit on myself," and "I sit on him." Upon discovering that the 'sit' in the first quotation is supposed to mean weighing down or suppressing, I found that the repetition of the action adds another level of meaning to the poem. While the first sentence describes the narrator trying to keep their impulses and urges in check, the second one moves the impulse and suppression to the man. I find it to be a very clever play on words and a good way to showcase the ending message.

I think I found some interesting psychological meaning behind these lines in a way, as the poem explores the internal conflict between hatred, love, and fear that the narrator is facing. It's a good basis for a poem, and I think for your first attempt, you did pretty well. I recommend working more on imagery and structure for future poems, though. Great job! <3