Crimson Heroes: The Silver Hero- prologue+Chapter 1

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Prologue

The king scratched his head in his study. The candle to his right was fading slowly, and the night began to grow cold.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door. The king stood up wearily, deciding whether or not to open the door. He knew he probably should. He scraped his slippers on the ground walking sluggishly to the door, and slowly opened the handle. A middle-age man with a scruffy beard waltzed inside.

“I’ve got news, M' lord,” he said.

“What is the news, Hal?” asked the king.

“I might be able to find someone that can do the job. I think I found a special child for this part. He seems so perfect.”

“Are you sure of this?” the king asked somnolently.

“Positive.”

“Well,” the king said. “bring him to me. I want to look at him. I want to see his face, to make sure he is the one.”

“Of course, your majesty.”

The man left the room with a whish of wind rolling through. It knocked the candle over blowing out the fire. The king was left alone in his study, speechless.

Chapter 1

There I stood… lonely as ever.

No one else seemed to pay any attention to me. I guess that’s how I like it. I know that’s how it’s supposed to be.

I’m a nobody.

I didn’t have a class that I belonged to, which meant I had no skills. Most kids around the age twelve—my age—would have already been chosen to join the ranks of warriors.

Perhaps my hair was too long for them. That's what my mom would tell me from time to time. "You better cut your hair son!"she would nag. I liked it this way, though. If they couldn't understand than tough.

There were Dawn Knights, Dusk Killers, Blaze Eaters, Ice Warriors, and Sky Breakers. Dawn Knights used their maces to fight off the undead and darkness, and they could also heal themselves. Dusk Killers could use shadowy powers with knuckles to destroy anything in their path. Blaze Eaters could use fire powers with a staff to burn anything that might attack them, they could also steal the life from inside something and make it their own. Ice Warriors could use a sword and shield for good defense, and they could freeze foes to the core. Then there were Sky Breakers. That was what I wanted to be. Sky Breakers could take in a million hits from a Balrog and still live to tell the tale, and they attacked wickedly fast with huge spears.

I picked a stick off of the meadow ground. I struck a tree over and over at extreme speeds like a Sky Breaker would. I felt my fist moving so fast with rhythm and tempo in the strikes.

Right step forward, strike. Right step backward, block. Left step forward, stab three times. I felt great. It was only a tree though. Soon I would be able to do this in real life. I knew I would; I could feel it.

“Drake!” my mom called. “Drake, it’s time for dinner, honey!”

“Coming, Mom!” I yelled back. I finished the strike. Forward and… whack! A tree branch hit me in the head. I fell to the ground in agony. I put my hand over my head and felt a bump. Ouch…

I guess I could always use some more practice. I got up and hurried over to my little cottage.

Dinner was nothing special, mashed potatoes and beans. “No meat?” I asked sarcastically. “None today, son, sorry. Perhaps for breakfast if you wake up early for your bacon, your highness, and make sure to fold your golden bed. I’ll have a nice hot bath ready for you afterward,” Mom said back. We both looked at each other and laughed. The price of meat was so high nowadays that only the richest people could only eat some every other day. We hadn’t seen an animal in fifteen years. It was a joke to think we could have some casually for dinner.

I smiled at my mom. She always said I had my dad’s smile. I never knew my dad—he disappeared when I was very young. The only thing Mom says about him is that he was a brave hero.

I think he was a Sky Breaker. That’s why I wanted to be like my dad. “Don’t worry, Mom. One day I’ll be a famous Sky Breaker and I’ll haul in the meat like it was river water.”

Mom let out a giggle. “I do believe you can be a great hero. They are going to choose you one of these days, they have to.”

They wouldn’t.

It had seemed like it was so long since my “recommendation” entered the kingdom walls, and no one’s been by to say they might want me.

I waited and waited and nothing seemed to happen. But one night, I overheard my mom talking to someone in the living room after I “went to bed”. I inched the door open. “Don’t you think that he would be great with me?” said a male voice.

“I just don’t know right now, Hal. Maybe you should leave.”

“I could make him strong, just like me! He deserves to know what he can do—his potential.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of, Hal! I don’t want him to be like you. You should go.”

The man left the house and I wondered if that man could be my father. Like I said, I didn’t know my dad. For all I knew, he could still be alive and leaving my porch right now. What if he was trying to tell my mom that he wanted me for the sky breakers? Finally!

I don’t know why, but I had this feeling I would see Hal, again pretty soon.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
RWMcKinleys
Review

I believe that this story is really thought out well. Toward the end when Hal shows up I already have the feeling that he is his Father. At first I didn't know what to think, As I read on I got completely hooked and finished the whole thing! I am excited and can't wait to read the next chapter!


Plot
I can see it starting to come together, From what I know now Drake, you're protagonist, is looking to join the ranks of one of the warrior classes. He is also on a quest to figure out what has happened to his father. To discover the truth.


Descriptions
I really like how you described when Drake was practicing with the stick. You made good good descriptions such as how he was moving and so on. Nice Job with the words!!!

Character descriptions
Right now I'm not really sure about Drake, as in what he looks like and sorta his emotions. I think as the story progresses, which I will go on to read, It will be a better picture in my head! Overall Pretty good.

For right now this is all I have to say. I love the title and how it has been written so far. Can't wait to read on. Keep writing!

R.W

User avatar
Chirantha
Review

Hi there,

This story is interesting and as I do have a soft spot for fantasy story, I found this to be more interesting.

Onto the review, my friend

Mistakes

The candle to the right of his paperwork was fading slowly, and the night began to grow cold.

Write this as, "The candle to his right was fading slowly,"

He scraped his slippers on the ground walking sluggish to the door

"sluggishly"

“I’ve got news, mi lord

It's supposed to be "M' Lord"

There were Dawn Knights, Dusk Killers, Blaze Eaters, Ice Warriors, and Sky Breakers.

I really like these names :D

Then there was Sky Breakers.

there "were" Sky Breakers

I picked a stick off of the meadow ground.


He deserves to know what he can do—his potential.”

"with" his potential

Plot

You have me enraptured in the plot. It's quite interesting at the moment and I'm sure it would get better once I read the other chapters. I have nothing to say about the plot because for one, I don't know much, and there's nothing for me to correct. So, well done on the plot.

Descriptions

You've got the hang of descriptions and I was surprised to see just the right amount of detail mixed with dialogue. I was also impressed by your use of the correct words at the correct time and place. I have nothing to correct in this category either.

Character descriptions

Now here's a place where this story falters a tiny bit. You had portrayed the emotions of the characters quite well, but I can't quite create the character in my mind. I'm sure that it is because it's the 1st chapter and not so much is written, but it's a bit needed to get atleast a glimpse of the character in the first chapter. No need of a full description but a tiny bit is needed so that we know whom we are following. And it's also better to hint the readers on the age of your character, so that the readers have a less difficult time in imagining the character. Please think about this.

Title

I really like the title. It doesn't give away the plot too much and it's mysterious enough to catch the reader's attention. Well done.

On the overall, this was a well written chapter and I'm sure all the other chapters are as good or even better than this

Good luck :D

-C-



Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
— Corey Ford