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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hi there, I haven't read the previous chapters but now I absolutely HAVE to because this was such an intriguing chapter and I need to know what is going on/what happens next. You are a very talented writer; you could tell me this is from a published book and I would have believed you! There's quite a distinct young-adult genre feel to it, this kind of alternate timeline or dystopian world (i will have to read the rest to figure out when/where this was set.)
Just a few minor things I spotted:
This should be 'Isaiah and I' to be grammatically correct.
Since 'Brother' is being used in place of a name, it should be capitalised.
'Then' should be 'than' and the comme should be a semi colon (;) so it should be: The new model was less scrappy than the last; it had a sheen to it and plating that lined the forearm like armor.
Should be a period/full-stop after grimaced, not a comma.
should be a comma after 'now' not a period/full-stop.
Really nice imagery here, but it should be more like: It was earlier in the day, so no one on the street below looked like they had anywhere to be—sad wretches shambled down the sidewalk, and some even lived inside garbage cans and dumpsters.
Joining the sentences makes more grammatical sense since the second clause doesn't make sense on its own.
Again, should be a period after 'aggressive stance' not a comma.
Overall I love the action, the description, the imagery and the relationship between these two characters. I really enjoyed this chapter. I think going over and picking up those grammatical errors will make it seem even more professional!
I appreciate the critique! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the rest.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the ghoulish S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Walter and Isaiah are on a mission to break into one of the facilities, but stakes are high once they get inside. Walter looks somewhat different than before, but will it work? Will it save them?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - As of right now, I don’t have any recommendations to make, but if you would like to edit this, then go ahead.
Chocolate Bar - I love the Ratking’s quick thinking with taking the potion, for I know that he’s not really taken seriously in the group, but this shows that he may be more than capable to do certain things…also, Isaiah wanting to snatch up the potion but failing, that was absolutely hilarious! ^v^
Closing Graham Cracker - Walter and Isaiah have made it to the building, but how well will Walter pull off pretending to be someone he is not? Will their mission go as successfully as they hope or will everything wrong possibly happen to the two of them? One can only tell in the next chapter…
I wish you a lovely day/night! :>