Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
I ducked at the last minute, a bright ray pierced out of the gun. I jumped towards the window, only to find the Villain retreating further into the bank's interior, its lights flickered as the building dragged through the skyline. I went after him, following the clinking of his boots.
The bank itself was quite lavish. There were white marble pillars that had sculptures of various well known Heroes, Gigantressa, Overlord, Tar, and many others. Mostly old heads though, no one my age. They were made to look as if they were keeping the foundations up. There were these big glass chandeliers with dim lights hanging on golden branches. Essentially it looked more like a five-star hotel rather than a place you'd store your money. Perhaps I'm not the kind of person that would store their money here anyways.
He took cover behind one of the many marble pillars that lined the interior. He fired more salvos at me but I danced around them. The major issue was that he wasn’t shooting bullets rather he was just straight up pointing a killer flashlight at me.
I’m not one to brag… but I was pretty fast. But not that fast.
Even if I moved out of the way in time, the rays that cut through the air would remain. My skin burned as I grazed them, coating my white suit with black soot.
“Hey, stop shooting at me!” I yelled as I ducked behind a cubicle.
“I can’t help it… you’re an easy target. Also my name isn’t ‘bitch’.”
Without an ounce of remorse I say, “Wow, you hold grudges don’t you? That was ages ago.”
“What do you know about grudges, ma’am?”
‘Ma’am’?! I was going to smack the goofy out of him.
“I don’t go by ‘ma’am’, ok pal?”
I ran into many wooden cubicles that were lined up in a large opening.
More lasers searched for me as I rolled into cover.
“Right. Where are my manners? My name is… RatKing. What's yours?” he drawled.
RatKing.
I had never heard of him, he must’ve been new. Which meant that this would be the first and last time we ever fought. I planned on relishing it.
“Ooooo, scary! Power-Jack, at your service!”
I heard him chuckle silently. What was so funny? He had better not be making fun! I asked him what was so amusing and his heart actually skipped a beat which made me pleased.
“You… no it's just… you’re not at my service. On the contrary.”
“If you play nice then I’ll protect you from any mean and nasty cops that will for sure want to beat the shit out of your crazy-ass. I promise.”
As I hid, my smile was getting wider and wider, I tapped my feet on the wooden desk above me.
This was going to be too much fun!
I listened intently to his heartbeat, ignoring the thunder and clashing of battle and destruction that came from outside. It got really fast, like a drum roll. I had a strong feeling that he wanted this too. But he stayed still for a good moment there, a part of me got worried he’d give up. Like a coward.
Then he lets out a shaky breath as if he’d been holding it in since my arrival, “I think I’d rather die.”
I launched myself and the desk, using it as a shield. I figured it was a good way to trick the Villain, make him think I'm throwing something while in reality I’m closing the distance. Mid-lunge a fire went through my spine.
I moved out of the way as he ended up shooting at the desk in rapid succession, leaving it a smoldering heap of firewood.
He actually got me!
In the bicep.
It went straight through.
Words could not describe what it's like to have a hole get burnt into your arm in less than a second. I wanted to scream, partly from pain but also because he actually hit me with that peashooter. The smell of cooked meat made me even hungrier.
I said something snappy and begrudgingly complemented RatKing’s aim. How he figured out I was behind the desk, I didn’t really know nor did I think about it with all the adrenaline pumping into my system.
I rushed towards him as he continued to suppress me with his strange laser pistol. Zig zagging across the elegantly adorned hallways, getting knocked over by the building's sudden tilts. Like we were action figures and our kid was shaking us around in a doll house. Hell, at one point the bank actually twisted upside down and we still duked it out.
I started to get frustrated. It felt less like a fight and more like a chase. The Villain made no attempt to go on the offensive, he was constantly backing up. And more infuriatingly he was getting away! Sure it was exciting but I wanted to…hit somebody. Or get hit. Well I already got hit. I meant more blunt force trauma if anything, I was waiting for him to whip out his powers. Maybe he’d summon a tide of vicious vermin, or slip inside of shadows and teleport using darkness, or pull out a weapon of mass destruction out of his ass. None of that. He ran and shot, ran and shot, ran and shot. This guy was both honoring and failing his titular alter ego!
In a single kick I demolished one of the many pillars, white powder and chunks tumbled down onto RatKing. He avoids being crushed, diving out of the way.
Unfortunately that left him a prey to my clutches. I pounced, swatting his little toy away and locking his arms around his back, pushing him onto the floor. It was a shame, wasting my breath on a low-life murderer like that. In that moment I wished I had ignored the call, would have been more productive just to practice my strumming, maybe even hung up the suit early for the day.
“Looks like New Geweld’s finest are gonna have a field day with you, Villain.”, he was so squishy, rock hard muscles against him could have snapped him in half.
He turned his head, his mask's red eye lens sent a fiery glare, “And they call you Hero? You should ditch the rabbit theme and go full pig! The colors would barely change at all.”
“Don’t you dare compare me to them!”, now he was just talking smack. Like a sore loser.
“I don’t have to.” he chuckled with great difficulty, “You are fascinating.”
“I protect people. I am a hero!”
“That's what everybody says, all the time. Are you?”
Before I whacked him over the back of his head I stopped to think. His question wasn’t sarcastic at all, he was actually curious.
From the bottom of my heart, somewhere deep and forgotten, I knew it was wrong. Government employees, civil servants, people who are supposed to uphold the law should never bring harm to people who could not defend themselves. Police don’t often believe in that, at least not in New Geweld. I didn’t become a Hero just to bully others.
It became all the more clearer after the chase that RatKing didn’t have a plan. What was he thinking? He had to be sick in the head, after killing those police and stealing an entire bank, whisking it away like a balloon, that was all the proof I needed. Was he a Glasshead? On account of his laser weapon he probably figured out some weird science stuff to even pull off this kind of heist, so he wasn’t stupid per say. But that could have easily been a stretch.
“You should not have done this at all by yourself.” I said with conviction.
A loud thud shook the roof, causing dust to sprinkle down.
Focusing more on it, I heard… growling. Whatever had landed on top of us was big and mean.
From up above, this… chewing sound could be heard. Like someone was chowing down on a juicy happyburger.
I smelt a dog.
There was… screaming.
“Little Rabbit… would it kill you to be more self aware? I’m not the one who went in without backup.”, he blurted under the strength of my grip.
The ceiling exploded as a large figure fell down landing next to us with a loud primal grunt.
RatKings ‘backup’ had blueish-gray fur, a long snout caked in blood, meat and viscera wedged between each tooth. More blood dripped from thick forearms to its long bony clawed fingers. The beast’s visible rib cage expanded and contracted, strained breathing. Large, snarling, sharp teeth, like what nightmares were made of. His livid eyes reminded me for a split second of my place in this world and the truth behind my own significance.
Stupid, right?
It stood up and I saw it much clearer, it had to be a Quasi, a wolfman. These knuckleheads were definitely not from the city. Taller than me and RatKing’s heights combined and then some, its shadow devoured us. And it looked like it wanted to have me for lunch. These were killers to the bone. In my head I thought, “good.”
“Huh, so a wolf, a rat, and a rabbit walk into a bank….”, before I could finish my joke, the Wolf dashed at me, its arms and maw stretched wide open.
The thing was fast but I was small and nimble, I dodged flawlessly. I did not expect it to recenter itself so quickly, however.
I went for a barrel roll strike kick to its legs. Sure that knocking it down would make it vulnerable to more of my attacks.
My spine flares once again, I stop and move out the way from another laser. RatKing somehow got up to the chandelier and was intent on gunning me down.
I kept on trading blows with the Wolf while also weaving past the blazing hot laser shower courtesy of the Rat. I was surprised he didn’t hit his beasty once. My suit was absolutely drenched, training in the academy was tough, but they at least warned you of it beforehand. And even though the hole through my arm was there, the rest of it started to tear from the sheer speed and intensity of my punches and kicks. Yet the Wolf didn’t seem to care. Every bop to his snout, every clobber to the body, its advance matched my fury, canines and all.
I couldn’t help but laugh.
What a thrill!
Nothing much could have made it better, in my humble opinion. And yes, I was right. The polished floor beneath our feet started to crack and split, the walls crumbled, the sculptures holding the place up shattered into pieces and then into dust. The Wolf finally managed to grab me, then promptly slamming downwards. On impact the entirety of my back felt like I got knocked into the other side of the world.
The floor finally shattered, sending me cascading into what looked very much like the vast blue Atlantic coastline. And right beside me was RatKing, falling off the chandelier and to his most deserved demise.
Villains never lasted anyways, and for the best. What good did they bring?
But Heroes always did the right thing, even if it was wrong.
I spiraled past all the rubble and debris, and jumped off an iron vault door towards the man, catching him.
I got one good look at his mask once again. It was tribal for sure, but from where? Hard to tell which tribe, old or new, American or foreign, I could not say. But it had these wide white oval eyes that seemed quite harmless, dare I say friendly. But between them were the actual eye holes, and the glowing redness shown from within.
Such fury being held inside. Locked away from the world, constantly trying to break out. A feral monster that should be put down.
“You can’t let these things go, can’t you ma’am?” he groaned as he put a hand on my throat, squeezing as tight as he could. I returned the favor and did the same to him, while accommodating his mortality.
“No… I don’t think I can!”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the malevolent S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Power Jack battles the Ratking, but then, the Wolf shows up, ready to kill her. She may be a little shocked, but she’s not fazed, and she continues to fight for the civilians.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you could capitalize “he” after he’s telling Power Jack that he doesn’t have to compare her to the heroes, but you can ignore this if you want.
Chocolate Bar - I’m guessing that the Wolf is Andre. I like how you described his appearance from Power Jack’s POV, because in her eyes, he is a threat that needs to be put down. The whole scene solidifies how she feels about being a Hero, and having to protect people from the Villains.
Closing Graham Cracker - Power Jack thinks that Ratking is dead, but no, he’s still alive, and he’s badly injured. However, whatever will Power Jack do next? She’ll have to get rid of the Villain in some way…and I’ll be sure to read the next chapter tomorrow.
I wish you a lovely day/night! ^v^
Hi there, my friend! My name is Ellie and I am here to leave you a review on this lovely work of yours. Lets get right into the review.
First thing that I noticed- you write is such a cool and relaxed, personal way. I really like how this character is speaking to us as things go about, they are telling the story. That is a very engaging and unique way to read through a novel. You also do a great job above here, including details like the white suit and black soot.
^^ And we see this lovely tone again, here. Speaking right to us. Love it!
Overall, what I love about your writing style is how personal it feels. You can almost make this comedic style, without telling actual jokes. This makes it feel a lot more mature and engaging. I really liked this part above. It's almost like dialogue but we are having it with ourselves. Overall (like I said before) this was a lovely chapter and I am looking forward to the following chapters that you post. Keep on writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thanks for the insight!
Hey there, it’s Coffee here to deliver an adrenaline rush of a review! Stick around with me for a few moments, will ya?
Firstly, let’s say that even I got an adrenaline rush and tensed muscles reading this! It sent my brain spiralling into questions and smiling at the pure insanity or courage of the hero. I guess, if you fight supernatural people for a job, you’ll want to have fun, right? I must say though, I haven’t yet read the first part but it didn’t reduce much knowledge I should have had, in my opinion it was still an amazing and thrilling read! I love this, it’s quite unique compared to normal reads, since you seem to convey action scenes amazingly! I could practically see all the fighting!!
A little but agile bunny sprinting around, a shot through her arm, bleeding severely but the bunny could not care nonetheless. A mysterious figure with a mask, eyes blazing with rage..curiosity? Shooting, the figure dances around the ‘hero’, evoking the demon in the so called hero. Suddenly, the ceiling explodes, marble and stone shatters, dust rises..uncovering a ferocious creature. The hero smiles.
The games finally started.
You made it seem as if the hero was secretly a villain at heart almost, she seemed to be enjoying it a little too much. Is that part of the story maybe? Oooh, this is all too exciting! I want to dream about that now! Thank you for giving me a nice, refreshing dream idea! <3
She seemed rather full of herself at times though. Her personality already seemed to show immensely within the first few lines to be honest. It really brought out what type of character she is and what her role might be in future chapters.
She seemed like a villain even more in sentences like these, purely because hero’s wouldn’t necessarily think like that in my opinion. Then again, she might just be extremely confident. She certainly has the ability and talent in her fighting. She has a flair for games and that makes me imagine a villain. The villains tend the be the ones with an interesting character yknow?
She doesn’t think what the villains intentions are and why they’re doing it in the first place. That can be a good or bad thing. I like it!
Overall, first-class story! Definitely reading more!
Cya and thank you for sticking around here! <3
Love the review! Power-Jack's behavior will be heavily integral to the plot and RatKing will be expanded upon further, along with the wolfman (he has a name).
Yep, thank you so much! I knew they had names, haha but I thought it would be easier to just write it like this!