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This is great. In the beginning I couldn't understand anything then in the middle part I took it as a mortal mother but then a twist came and it turned out to be Mother Earth, that's an accomplishment for any writer. The ability to make your readers think a little yet not making them too confused. The ability to spark our imaginations!
This line makes me think how a mother feels about her child when he/she is in their teenage years and completely ignoring her:
You cut me down,
you burn me to shreds.
You skin my sides,
and cut off my heads.
I give you air,
I give you life,
I give you water
and seldom strife.
You reached a rhythmic element within the poem but you failed to maintain that element throughout. This is something you need to work on. For example their are lines that fit in with the meaning of the poem but they don't fit in with the general flow of the poem. This is an important missing element or skill that is not present.
I wouldn't point out where this is missing because there are somethings a writer needs to discover on his own in order to soar in his/her writing capabilities.
This poem was so appealing!
If you need any more help, hit me up on PM.
~
Team Green Hulk
When I first read this, I wondered what was going on until I reached the end and realised it. A flood of goosebumps went down my back. Even though this is free verse, it has all the drive and energy of accentual-syllabic verse, because of the rough syllabic rhythm to it. You only drop the rhythm a few times throughout the poem. I understand why you kept the lineation like that in the first two lines, as well as in "Is this how you repay me?". But the part directly after that one is a mystery. I suggest, even if you keep it long and don't break it up, to add in a more effective rhythm so as not to drop the reader straight on the floor. If you do break it up, perhaps do something like:
Is this how you repay me?
I'm covered in blue,
I'm covered in green,
but your true colours
are seldom seen.
After that, there is another drop in rhythm. Try synching it with the rest of the poem with something like:
I am dying,
the reason is you.
To cure my disease,
you must stop what you do.
You should be able to hear the rhythm better in that sample. Further, try substituting "this" for "that" in the third-last line, to give it a more personal and engaging feel.
The simple single stanza gives a wonderful flowing feel, you have a clean record for typos and grammos and the poem is overall very striking. The metaphor at the start is very effective.
Well done!
Thank you for your generous advise! I will make sure to edit some of the poem to make mother happy.