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Last Stage - Flash Fiction 500 Word Limit

by tronks

My feet stumbled a bit on my way to stage; I felt piercing stares searing my back. Retaining my pride, I hitched my crown to balance on my head and teetered up the stairs. The lights and audience applaud met my entrance.    

"I am King of this land!" I posed with my arms outward from my side, standing on one foot. This garnered laughter from the crowd and the development of clapping towards the back of the theater. My heart fluttered and my short stature rose a bit in confidence. "But something's wrong this evening. Terribly wrong!"    

As my scene ended I whisked off stage to the right, almost bumping into a classmate preparing to perform. I barely noticed, though. The splendorous environment of the backstage world was already enveloping me.     

Light pursed tight ends of curtain shadows, and props were leaned all about. The glow of dim light from above glittered faintly against the glossy wooden floorboards. This was where I always wanted to be.    

"How's it going, Anita?" She giggled at the mens' clothes that I wore, and blush along her cheeks matched the frills around her dress. "Y'make a great King. The seniors will love it."    

"I hope so." I stood proudly over the freshman and her short, crumply brown waves. "I won't get to see the real performances next year."    

I met Mo on our second day of school. She thought me to be a freshman but I was a junior. I caught her in the school auditorium during an hour entry wasn't permitted, and in the darkness I could barely see her milky brown irises.

She snuck in through the back door, too.

That was my first thought.

She's just like me!    

Mo giggled and pointed to my headphones. "Are you sure you should be wearing those on stage?"  

I glanced down to the pair of headphones around my neck; the long chord hung low near my feet, only to swoop up to my back pocket where it was plugged in to my IPod. Grinning, I pulled the chord up slightly and it fell comfortably where gravity called it. "You don't like it, huh? I think I look like a modern day king."    

"It clashes with your outfit pretty badly."

"Ah, well. Think Mrs. Johnson'll notice it?"

"Anita, they're calling you!"   Sure enough, a student on the other side of the backstage was waving me down. My mindset altered. This was my last scene, after all. It was my final performance before moving away--it had to be the best.     

I rushed to classmate waving, and without realizing, my foot stepped down onto my headphone chord. There was a snap and I tumbled through the curtains and onto the middle of the stage. 

My crown drooped from my head, defeated among my long, frizzy hair. The Princess stepped forward. "King! You've finally made it here!"    

I stood up, smiling brighter than the spotlight as I straightened my crown. The audience was clapping.

Some last performance.


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3746 Reviews

Points: 2212
Reviews: 3746

Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:52 am
Snoink says...

Wait... why did you post this again? :?

In the future! You may consider just editing your title. You can do this by clicking "edit" off to the side. There's a dropdown box that you can see which can help you change the title. That way, you don't have to post an entirely new work.

If you were doing this because this work hadn't gotten any reviews... be patient! There's a lull before review day. During review day, everyone goes crazy and reviews. It's pretty awesome. :)

EDIT: Upon subsequent investigation! You probably reposted this because it was posted in lyrics, when it is clearly fiction! And thus, nobody who wanted to read fiction was reading it. I will bug Nate about moving between genres! In the meantime, I will lock this. :)

For everyone who wants to comment on this piece... please go here! This is the correct piece. :)

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96 Reviews

Points: 4980
Reviews: 96

Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:18 am
noninjaes wrote a review...

Morning, tronks. I am here to review for you today. :)

I don't really read flash fiction that much, but when I do, I certainly can enjoy a well written piece. And I do say, this piece was as such. The prose in this is eloquent and smooth and on a whole, the grammar has little to no faults.

When I first started reading this piece, I thought it was about a king tending to his subjects. When I read stage, I thought of a fancy, large dais high above the crowed. So I was certainly surprised when it was mentioned that the scene ended. I can't say whether that was a good or a bad thing, so I'd leave it as it is.

I do like your descriptions of the backstage area. They certainly helped bring the piece alive.

One thing I would have liked to have seen expanded is the whole "I won't get to see the real performances next year." bit, but then again, you did have your word limit. Though, sacrifices do have to be made in flash fiction.

I did enjoy reading the back story on how the two characters met. That certainly added some good detail to the piece. Though, my one qualm about that section is that when describing her eyes, "iris" is a very awkward word to put in there. Not many people say iris when talking about eye colour. "Eyes" could have worked just as well in that bit.'

The headphone cord was also a nice touch (poor headphones). I also like the stumble and your final line making a nice conclusion onto that.

Overall, a good piece that I enjoyed reading. And as always, keep writing!
- noninjaspresent >(> ==)>*

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss