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Writing

by Auxiira


You say that if I write
I won’t make it in life.
You say that I should give up
And move on, grow up.

You don’t seem to see
What writing is to me.

Like the air that I breathe,
The words that I leave
On the page
Keep me alive.

My reason to smile
My reason to cry.

Can’t you see
What writing is to me?


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Sat Feb 07, 2015 7:14 pm
philip17 says...



Great stuff! Quick and straight to the point haha but well written! (: I really did like it!! And that you ended the poem in a question is also good!
As well as the contrast between happiness and sadness! Keep it up I can't wait to read more of your poems!




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Sun Dec 08, 2013 12:04 pm
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WintryOz wrote a review...



This is a very simple, but meaningful poem.
I think it's something every aspiring writer can relate to.
It's well penned too :)
By the way, I think in line number 7, you mean "the" and not "he". Am I correct?
Perhaps you could elaborate more on why writing means so much to the narrator though.




Auxiira says...


Thanks!

(Also, I forgot to tell you, but if you don't make this a review then it doesn't count. Under the grey box, there's a thing that says 'is this a review?' The slider underneath is automatically set to 'No'. Click on it once to make it a review!)



WintryOz says...


You're welcome :)

Yes, I figured that out :P



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Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:47 pm
Joe wrote a review...



Hello It's Joe for team ROUGE, yeah!

First off YES finally red has caught up to blue. WE CAN DO THIS.

Great poem, short and easy to read and just all around fun. It's great, Awesome dare I say Awesmazing. (Awesmazing is a very complicated word cross between awesome and amazing, I make sure that the work is truly Awesmazing before I give out the award [I probably give out one every second week or so])

Anyway the point is I can really relate and find this truly encouraging.

My favourite part is

"Like he air that I breathe,
The words that I leave
On the page
Keep me alive"

It's true writing is why we YWS's stay alive. It's what we love and truly cherish.

"My reason to smile
My reason to cry."

I love this. Once I thought my writing was so bad I was just tempted to stop writing entirely. But then I tried to imagine my life without my writing. Then I just thought why would I even consider that.

A lot of people say it's no good as a job, even writer's I've met said that. But I don't care I'm a writer and always will be no one can put that part of me down.

Joe




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:22 pm
Paracosm wrote a review...



Hey Auxiira!

In stanza three, 'he' should be 'the'.

This poem is well written, but a little basic. Try to flesh it out some more. What does writing mean to the narrator? We know she thinks of it like something that keeps her alive, but show us more. Give it more emotional depth.

The poem is easy to relate to. Many writers struggle with their parent's accepting their hobby/occupation/part-time means of income. (Oh geez is it hard.) Show how you are content making a very small income, because you are doing what you love. Show how you throw your work out their in front of people in hopes of pleasing them, just for it to be torn apart. But for some gosh darned reason, you are still compelled to write. Think of the all of the things writing can be compared to.

Writing is: A drug, a disease, a coping mechanism, a 'living', a weapon, happiness, satisfaction. There are so many different things you could and should explore on the topic.

Overall, this is a well written poem, but it could use some spicing up!




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 9:36 pm
Cheetah wrote a review...



Hello again Auxiira! This cheetah's ready to review!

I'm glad you shared this with this community because a lot of us know what it's like to hear people tell us to grow up and find another job that can actually "sustain us" in life. It's true, they don't get it. They don't get what it's like to long for writing, like you can't live without it. Thanks for mentioning all of that!

As other reviewers have mentioned before me, you should probably add some more details, even in poetry, details can really help!

Other than that, it was really good! Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

-Cheetah
Team Red




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 9:35 pm
PeanutPhoebe wrote a review...



Love this!! The first stanza sounds somewhat similar to what my mom has told me before, she just wasn't quite so harsh:) I like the lines and the way it is 4, 2, 4, 2... the only problem i see in this is the fourth stanza. First off, you put "he" instead of "the", which can be easily fixed. Also, i think the beat of that stanza is a little off. I like the content, the rhythm is just a little off. Maybe changing the lines to
"Like the air that i breathe,
the words that
I leave on the page
keep me alive"
would help some..or you could also just add an adjective or two for "page" idk, great job, i love it!! Keep writing!!




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 9:23 pm
AmethystNight wrote a review...



This is a good poem. Short and sweet, gets its point across. The layout is a little strange to me though. Where you've decided to start new stanzas seems a little random. I like the third stanza the best. It's the most lyrical and gives a more metaphoric demonstration of your feelings rather than just stating your feelings. My main piece of advice is, seeing as you have used fullstops, try also using lowercase letters to start lines that aren't preceded by a full stop. I think that this would give your poem a visual and rhytmic flow that would suit it better. Hope this helps and, again, good job.




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Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:45 am
Cailey wrote a review...



Hey there, Cailey here for reviewing! (I'm attempting to review for all members of the red team. Wish me luck!)
Okay, so this was short and sweet, which is good. I like short, it's easy to read and it's quick to review. However, I think you could make this longer and still keep it a good poem.
For example, I want detail. You say that this person (idiot) who said not to write doesn't understand what writing is to you. Now, show us what writing is to you.
Prove that the writing does mean something to you. You told us that it does here, but now I want you to show us why. Why is it important? Does it make you feel a certain way? Does it make you happy or fulfilled? Does it help you cope with problems or feel comfortable? Does it make you proud? From this, we have no idea. For all we know, maybe you just write because you can. We want to know why you write, why it's important.
I really can't identify with the writer here. I mean, sure I know that writing is super important and I could never give it up for anything, and I have my reasons for that. But I don't know your reasons and that makes it really hard to identify.
Other than that, I didn't catch any nitpicks, and I did like this overall. I just think you could add more. Hope this helped. Good luck with reviews!




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Mon Feb 11, 2013 5:27 pm
Morrigan wrote a review...



Hi there, Auxiira.

Ah, a poem about writing. The subject has been written about before, and that makes it very difficult to successfully write a poem about writing. You have to make it really stand out.

Unfortunately, this doesn't really stand out now as it is. Many people feel this way about writing, and you don't use specific imagery to enforce the words you say. "Can't you see what writing is to me?" Not yet. But I will.

What makes you want to write? What are your ideal conditions for writing. It might be a good idea to bring that image into the poem. Connect it to your main idea. My ideal writing conditions are silence, and lots of natural light. So if I was going to connect that with how much writing means to me, I might say:

Sunlight is my muse, my
gate into the realms of truth, breath,
and life.

(that was badly written, sorry) You get the idea, right? Take an image, and connect it with your main idea to strengthen that main idea.

So, think about it. What really makes you want to write? Explore the whys and actually illustrate them in the poem.

Also, I'd like you to elaborate on the first stanza. Who is this person, and what do they mean to you? I would make a stronger emotional connection with the poem if I knew who this person was.

Altogether, you've got potential in this poem. I can't wait to see it when it's more polished. Happy writing!




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Mon Feb 11, 2013 4:29 am
InvertedClock wrote a review...



This was a nice read.

I feel like you could have dug a little deeper however.

You also have a few spelling and punctuation errors.

For example, "Like he air that I breathe," i'm assuming "he" is supposed to be "the".

And also you're missing a few commas here and there.

Other than that, this was really good. Nice write and well done.




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Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:26 pm
Searria H. wrote a review...



Hey, Auxiira! Welcome to YWS! I hope you're having a nice stay so far. :D

The general idea of your poem is good. :) Your rhythm is pretty consistent, and there weren't any major interruptions in flow.

Punctuation:
:arrow: First line should end in a comma.
:arrow: There should be a comma after "smile."

Rhyme Scheme:
You held your rhyme scheme pretty consistently until the third stanza. It all seemed pretty natural until suddenly you just quit rhyming until the last two lines. See if you can change it up a bit to stay true to your rhyme scheme. :)

Other Nitpicks:
:arrow: I would get rid of "that" in line three. It just seems to ease the flow a little better.
:arrow: The third stanza is a little stilted, namely the last two lines. I think this is partially due to the uneven rhyme, but the length of those last two lines chops off the end of the stanza. I feel as though there should be more to them, but I run into a brick wall at the end of those last two lines. I think that was the only place in the poem where I had that issue.

:arrow: The last two lines were unnecessarily redundant. The poem isn't long enough to tie in earlier ideas at the end. I think the poem would end nicely even taking those two lines out. It's up to you, though. :)

:arrow: I agree that you have plenty of room to add some depth to this poem. You have a very nice outline, but it's missing some meat. That's something only you can add in. :)

Overall, I like the concept of the poem. It just needs a bit of care and refinement. :D I hope I've helped you get started.
If you have any questions about anything I've said, please feel free to PM me. I'd be happy to help out as best I can.
Happy writing!
-Sea-




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Sun Feb 10, 2013 8:40 pm
spinelli wrote a review...



Hm. I think I enjoy this poem. However, it is a little too simple for me. That's just me being rather picky though I suppose.

I like the surface but I would like for you to try going a little more into it. I mean, just saying that writing keeps you alive isn't as much as making a reader know WHY. Why is it your reason to smile or cry? I really don't know because you haven't told us.

And regarding something of such passion, this poem should really pour itself out onto us, you know? Whether a person even likes it or not, the true question is whether or not this poem felt bled onto the page as opposed to stamped on with some glue. I want more, is what I'm trying to say.

But I really like the flow. The rhythm was not too much, not too little. Quite the right bite, there. I enjoy it. But give it some more meat.





It’s a trap!
— Admiral Ackbar