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    May 7, 2023

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    Jan 10, 2022

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    Jan 10, 2022

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    May 7, 2021

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    May 7, 2021

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  • LittleLee
    May 7, 2020

    Happy birthday!!!

  • 16/04/20 - vulnerability
    Spoiler! :
    i do not do poetry anymore
    reaching into my chest and wrenching out my beating heart for others to observe requires vulnerability
    and see
    my vulnerability is a lie
    it is openness
    there is a difference

    I show off the gaping wound in my chest
    hide the festering until I am in cardiac arrest
    until i'm sobbing in my bed
    desperately wanting to reach out
    aching to reach out
    never reaching out

    my life is a mass of rotting wounds i have no clue how to treat
    there are professionals who could help but last time i tried all i did was minimise
    i am held together by the love of others and that feels like a lie
    who even am i

    who even am i

    a personality magpie
    hiding everything inside
    a festering corpse held together
    with ribbons of love i don't feel i can trust because i self sabotage so much
    superficial
    distant

    i don't know how to be vulnerable
    i was never taught the intricacies of breathing out my pain
    how to say that i am hurting without breaking the tension with a smile
    a laugh
    i am hurting but not enough to be concerned the laugh says
    i am breaking apart at the seams i am rotting from the inside out and soon it will show soon it will be clear that i am not who i seem but do not worry the smile says
    do not worry
    this decay will not hurt you
    this decay will not cause you pain
    this decay is mine alone

    it is an implosion of the softest kind
    you can observe from where i held you at arm's length
    i made myself distant so this would not hurt you

    i am breaking falling rotting
    and maybe flowers will bloom from me and bring life
    and maybe they will guide me to who i really am
    and maybe i will come out of this a whole person
    but i do not believe in that kind of magic
    i do not carry in my bones the strength to know that someday i will truly be me
    not millions of pieces of other people
    slowly circling a black hole
    i do not believe i will ever be more than i am now

    so you see
    i do not do poetry anymore
    my soul is too much a lie to be on show
    my emotions to nebulous for words
    i am only a powder keg on fire
    ready to explode.


    (i am aware of the irony. might not reply to comments, just needed to put this somewhere)


    fatherfig <3
    Apr 16, 2020


    Alpha I love u
    Apr 16, 2020

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Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
— Ellen Degeneres