These are the Children

This poem is absolutely beautiful <3
It reminds me of a time when I visited the mass graves of children who belonged to an orphanage and died in a tsunami.

"Their graves are unkempt,
Their faces unknown.
These are the children
Etched onto my soul."

I think that verse was the best one.

I think the imagery of the poem can be improved upon, you could add a verse or two, but if you think it might shatter the depth and meaning behind the poem, I guess this amount of imagery is enough.

Happy writing

I honestly thought this was a very moving piece of writing. I liked the short verses, and the descriptive to the point words that were conveying yet not confusing. I also like how you have written a poem that is on a controversial subject that many would like to push away and not really think about but you have taken that subject and turned it into poetry. It makes me as a reader wonder where you got the inspiration to write this, was it just a thought, or something more personal - and i think a good poem should make the readers ask questions such as those. Another pointer that i like is how you have used half rhymes - i used to be very narrow minded and only read poems that rhymed but suddenly it has flipped and i almost disregard most rhyming poems but i do say that the use of half rhymes fits beautifully and even though the words have rhythm it doesn't take away from the overall message of the poem.
As far as advice goes there's not much apart from a few little comments on the wording.
i think this is a very strong piece but its meant to be hard hitting and pack a punch and i think using the word never instead of not softens it a bit. for example
'These are the children
Life will not know'

anyway keep writing - you are very good at it!
from cara x

I really love this poem. You touch down on many poor children forgotten until now. There seems to be many more of them now so I'm glad you recognize them. Beautiful poem.
Things I liked:
#1. I really like how you kept the meaning of this poem a little secret until the line "Their graves are unkempt," that was a nice touch.
#2. you capitalized all the lines correctly.
#3. Most of the rhyming was in good form.
#4. There was nothing I didn't like.

Grammatical errors or confusing things:
#1. The third stanza's rhyming was a little confusing but fine unchanged. You just have to think about it a little.

I really enjoyed this poem and it made me have to think about many unfortunate children. There weren't any things I didn't like, so that was nice. I always appreciate when people take the time to edit there literature. Nice and simple poems like this should be applauded, so I applaud you. Thank you for making a nice piece of poetry.
~Racket

Beautiful poem! I don't usually like poems, in general, so that really is a compliment!

I really liked the message behind the poem, which the reader is able to grasp fairly easily, but I would say something which has probably already been said; capital letters aren't needed at the start of each new line, although it isn't a huge deal, in my opinion.

I can't find any other mistakes grammatically, and I think that the poem flowed really nicely- there is a nice rhythm as you read it. It left me with quite a lot to think about, which is a good thing. I would love to know more, because it really intrigued me

Overall, beautifully written with a really sad and emotional touch to it. Keep writing!

A very touching and emotional poem. The starting and ending of this poem is just superb. Another thing I like is the topic you' ve selected- not one usually written about. A marvellous choice.This is my favourite stanza:

" Their names are forgotten,
Though carved into stone.
These are the children
Life will never know."

And, each phrase does not need to be captalised. I love the way you' ve written a memorial poem for the poor little unfortunate children. Anyway, a great poem and i hope to read more of your work. Good luck!
- Anshira: Blue Team.

Hi Auxiira,have a nice day.Here is Dark to give review on your poem!

This is beautiful even you talk about their graves/death,really understandable and one of my favorite poems in YWS!
I love the diction you use,really matching and well-written.
So let me review in each stanza.

#They huddle together
Behind the church.
These are the children
Unseen and unheard. -->This is a good opening for your poem.Something that makes the reader wondering who is it actually those children is.Thus making them keep reading until the next stanza.

#Their names are forgotten,-->So the children is forgotten,even the Life does not recognize them.
Though carved into stone.-->Stone make me think,'Did they buried?'
These are the children
Life will never know. -->I just like the idea here.

#They have never seen
The skies or flowers.-->How come they never seen skies nor flowers?I keep reading.
These are the children
Of only an hour. -->Now I know the children is actually dead when they was just a little baby.That is why they never seen the sky and flower.I start to feel sorry for them.Well you successfully bring impact to the reader here.

#Their graves are unkempt,
Their faces unknown.
These are the children
Etched onto my soul. -->This last stanza make me feel even more pity to them.Your description shows that they have been forgotten and I wonder if there is no family members who come to visit nor clean their graves?
Well done!I love this poem so much.
Keep it up
Kudos,cheers
~Dark

Punctuation and grammar really isn't my thing, so I won't say anything on it. I like the poem, I like the title, and I love the meaning. It's so sad that some children only live an hour and some a minute. They're the ones that are grieved but not remembered, like you said. I wonder what they would have been like.
What inspired you to write this?

The words after the commas dont need to be capatilized like " Their graves are unkempt, Their faces unknown." the second Their doesnt need to be capatilized. But other than that it is a great poem! loved it. And it is definetly has a different meaning behind it i really really like it!

Knight Dragon, here to review!

Yay! I liked the content of this poem. I've always felt that everyone should have a memorial, and you definitely captured the monumental spirit in this poem. It was nice to read that someone else cares about the 'forgottens' too.

Technical: I felt like "Though carved in stone." should be "carved into stone", but then if you did, then you'd have to add another beat to "Behind the church.", and I don't know if you're trying to match up the beats in those two lines. It's just a style preference for me, since I mentally read it "into" instead of "in", but it works as is.

Hope this helps!

I thought this poem was wonderful. It was spooky and you really captured the different elements of people that die young. You make the graveyard itself seem spooky, at the same time you capture how devastating it is for anyone to die that young. The only thing is in just a few lines the rhythm is a bit awkward.
"These are the children
Life has never known."
The rhythm is odd in the line "Life has never known" I like hat you mean by this line, but I wish you would've rephrased it differently so it flows better. You could make it "Life will never know" and that would definitely fix things, or you could just leave it or do whatever with it. It isn't a big deal.

The other line is "Etched onto my soul" The word "onto" is a little awkward and I wish you would've replaced that with "into" so the line would be "etched into my soul."

Last thing, The punctuation is off. I liked that you added periods but you also needed a couple of commas. For example; "Their names are forgotten, though carved into stone." Those two lines should have a comma between them.

Again, I loved this poem, there were just a few simple errors. I hope this helped

I love this poem! It is so sad yet wonderfull at the same time.