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Inner self

by Staarryskyy

I am always behind you.

You remain within my sight.

I hide in the shadows,

blending within the crowds.

You can turn to look back,

but I am always behind you.

I am always beside you.

You and me are friends.

I give you advice,

manipulating your mind.

You can question me,

but I am always beside you.

I am always in front of you.

You are always steps behind.

I know what you will do,

I can read your thoughts.

You can try to run away,

but I am always in front of you.

I am always inside you.

You and me are one.

I am a part of you,

fusing with your soul.

You can try to escape,

but I am always inside you.

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1313 Reviews

Points: 23286
Reviews: 1313

Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:39 pm
Hannah wrote a review...

Hey, hi, hello! Hannah here~

So, you have good intent here. I am especially connected to this poem, 'cause I know a friend of mine whose boyfriend says to her he will always walk in front, beside, and behind her. It's a way to surround someone with your words, a little like a hug made of promised love.

That said, the saying is meant to be short and sweet. It's rather empty without a history to go behind it. I could say it to any person on the street and they wouldn't have to believe it. It's supposed to hold power, but the words are not what holds the promised love. The person, the belief and trust between the listener and the speaker does that.

So what you have here is an empty poem. You have empty words. You say them right, in the right order, but they don't really mean anything without the feeling of the relationship, you know? Relationships are made of very specific moments. It's hard to answer someone when they ask why you love them, because you love them for the little things, like how they call you "light" when you know you're heavy, and it doesn't make you feel bad.

Besides this fundamental problem, I don't see the reason for the repetition of the form. I am always ahead of you ... but I am always ahead of you. Does it add something to the message? I get that it says "no matter what you do, this is where I'll be", but it seems a little unnecessary. What would happen with the poem if you wrote the message in each stanza without that repetition?

I really hope this review is helpful to you. I look forward to seeing you and your own reviews around in the future.

Good luck, PM me or wall post me with any questions, and keep writing!

Staarryskyy says...

It's suppose to represent you talking to yourself, there is no other person. It also has nothing to do with love.

Sometimes when you are thinking you kind of repeat thoughts to let it soak in.

The repetition is the inner conscience trying to convince you that it's always with you and everywhere you go, do and see you can't escape it.

because you are you.

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98 Reviews

Points: 273
Reviews: 98

Tue Jan 29, 2013 1:21 am
Rainn wrote a review...

Very intriguing poem. I feel as though it ends to quickly, though. I really like the image you have in it. But I think that you say the word "you" a bit to many times, and it takes away from all the emotion that could be portrayed in this. You have a very good base here though. I suggest you read through it once or twice and try to add as much emotion, depth, and feeling as you can. This is a good poem. Try to make it great :)

Good job and keep it up!


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