Magic had been in the air for such a long time that it had pervaded all normal sense. It was in everything the people did so it lost all of its wonder and unique-ness. In the end it had dulled so significantly from over use that it lost, and could not get back, the significant selectivity that comes with awe-inspiring gifts. Power and might depleted and ebbed away like the scarce days of a child's halcyon years.
In the centuries that followed, the art that had once been alchemy faded and metamorphosed into science. The power and wonder was still gone from the knowledge of how the world worked and fit together, which was what magic was in the beginning. No one believed anymore, save for children, starving artists, and raving fanatics (or lunatics. They went by the same name, then). Magic had actually replenished itself but now no one was willing to use it.
Merlin and it still slumber together under the old oak tree, having been lured there by a seductive woman, or the siren song of fast food, bright lights, unnatural constructions, and the profound atheism for wonderful and unknowable things.
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138,653 Literary Works • 672,189 Reviews
Hey there! I will be reviewing your work today.
Well I have to say that this short story makes me perplexed. I don't understand why magic is important to gold? The title doesn't really match the body paragraphs.
Other then that, I like how much detail is in this short story. You are a great writer, I am really admiring your work. The wording is great and complex, very nice to know that you are able to write like this. Personally, I am giving props! The whole title thing causes me to not understand but really that is all I have to say about this piece of work. Wonderful job! Thank you so much for your time, have a nice day.
~Whitewolfpuppy :3
As I read other comment's I now understand why the title is that way. Sorry about that!
Hi Sionarama,
This was really interesting!
These two sentences are redundant. Pick one or the other. You don't need both.
I really like "the siren song of fast food" in the last paragraph. I agree with Dragon, though, about the awkward word choice of "atheism." You should probably find a different word.
The only real criticism that I have is the word choice. I understand that you're going for a certain style, but when writers throw in a bunch of words like "halcyon" and "metamorphosed" and "pervaded" it can seem like they're just abusing the thesaurus. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a large vocabulary - it's a good thing! - but when you use so many in such a short piece it can be a little overwhelming.
I wish that this had been longer. There are definitely a lot of ideas that you could have expanded on. How did the magic replenish itself? What's up with the old oak tree? The piece seems unfinished, more like a prologue than a short story. Is there going to be more?
Hope this helped!
Magnus
Wow, I absolutely love how you worded this piece! It flows well and works as at is, but if you wanted to you could base a longer story around this. Your sentences seem completely unique, I don't think I saw one overused line in it. This left me with a feeling of sad wonder, kind of, and I think you did a good job. Sadly, I don't think I have anything to critique on so I'm not much help. The last line of the second paragraph made me a bit confused, it doesn't seem to fit exactly. By replenished itself, do you mean technology? Anyway, good job!
Hello Si!
I don't know if I've ever reviewed a piece this short before, so bear with me.
Your title drew me in automatically, as I recognized it from the Robert Frost poem quoted in The Outsiders. Anyone else who knows either the book or the poem should get the reference right away. It's a good choice for a title, because of the way you so nicely parelleled the symbolism from the poem to that of the decline of magic in the world.
I haven't got much to say about the plot, other than that it was very condensed, a little bit too much for my personal liking, but I'm sure you meant it that way. Excellent grammar and spelling, as well! It's these little things that make reviwers' lives easier.
If I had to make a suggestion, it would be about word choice. You used wonderful big words, and don't get me wrong, it's awesome! I actually learned the word halcyon just now because I had to look it up for this xD Here are just a couple small suggestions for you to consider, to make your story flow a little better:
-Uniquness is one word.
-When you say "Merlin and it" in the last paragraph, perhaps you could say something like, "Merlin and the magic" or whatever - I found "it" here slightly jarring. But it's up to you if you want to keep it.
-I don't think atheism is quite the right word there at the end. Atheism means the belief that there is no God. Perhaps instead of "atheism for" you could say, "disbelief in".
That being said, the whole piece is nice, and the last paragraph is especially beautiful! Keep up the good work!
Write on, and God bless.
~DragonGirl11