Tree Resurrected

In May the leaves fell,
orange embers littering
the emerald grass. 

It's time, they claimed
to tear it down,
for the yard can't stay
this ugly. 

But one voice said
to let it be, that it will
grow again with time
and summer sunlight. 

And so it stayed,
and in June the leaves
grew, coloring the yard
once again. 

So many said
the tree could not live,
yet live it did. 

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Willard
Review

Hey Niteowl, Strange here and I have your third and final review on this review day!
Like I said before, you are great at imagery. You can make a great scene out of simple words. This is basically talking about fall and the health of many trees. Some seasons trees don't do well, but when summer comes around it'll be fine. You do send the message well in this. The title goes perfectly with this. It says the message. I really have nothing else to say about this. You just did great, like usual. Nothing really else to say :P
Overall, great job again.
Strange gives you....
8.9/10
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my amigo
And stay cool, icicle

User avatar
KittyCatMeow
Review

Hi! I'm here yet again to review more work!

I have to say that this could be rather "old" work, but I'll review it even so!

In May the leaves fell,
orange embers littering
the emerald grass.


This first stanza is surprising, but it's still a good start.

The second and third stanzas connect to each other, and I know you had that problem before. However, like I said, this is old work.

It's time, they claimed
to tear it down,
for the yard can't stay
this ugly.


Firstly, I believe you should change, "It's time, they claimed" to something more like:

"It's time," they claimed".

Also, again, it feels like they are too much connected without really any breaks where you spaced it. I won't bug you with this anymore, but please try to fix this.

But one voice said
to let it be, that it will
grow again with time
and summer sunlight.


I would prefer that you added who was the "one voice" because no one really knows who it is, but that's kind of obvious....

The third and fourth stanzas seem a little forced. Otherwise, I'll let this stanza be! (Get it? :))

And so it stayed,
and in June the leaves
grew, coloring the yard
once again.


"Coloring" doesn't seem to fit. Maybe "staining" or "painting" fits better.

Fourth line seems forced by the way.

So many said
the tree could not live,
yet live it did.


I like this last stanza, and it seems like a good ending. Although, it does seem a bit short...

Anyway, I enjoyed reading this poem. It has a lot of potential, so keep on writing!

User avatar
Hanorah
Review
Hanorah wrote a review · Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:09 pm

Hello Niteowl!
I'm hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem,woah this is almost a year old!
First of all,Happy review day!
I loved this poem, the name was perfect.
My only constructive critism is to capitalise at the start of each sentence, or else it doesent
Look complete.
The descriptions were good,Well done!
~Keep writing

User avatar
Snoink
Review
Snoink wrote a review · Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:38 am

Hi niteowl!

I think I am getting addicted to your poetry. This is a good thing.

ANYWAY. I looooove this poem. Did you know that we used to have orchards back in my first home? We had a couple of dying trees too, and so it was always an issue of whether we should cut them down, or maybe let them live. I probably had to dig a couple of trees out.

Still! This poem, in particular, reminded me of this one tree that we used to have that we always had to fight for. It was this little grapefruit tree! Anyway, it was always kind of dinky and we almost had to rip it out a couple of times, but sure enough, eventually it produced the best grapefruits that I have ever had!

So, that’s what I really enjoyed about this poem. Personal experiences! This is a good thing.

The only issue that I had with this poem is the last stanza. It is repetitious and seems to be trying to make a point that you reeeeally don’t need to make. Trust me! We understand!

Still, other than that, I really enjoyed this poem. Did this actually happen with you, or were you just creating it out of a metaphor and thought that this was a good way to put your metaphor? :D

User avatar
PollarBear14
Review

Very beautiful language. I love your imagery in the first stanza and the contrasting colours sets up a powerful mental image of the scene.
The whole execution of the poem was well done and i liked the short nature of it. It was just long enough to convey the story in depth but not too long for it to disengage the reader.
Well done.
Pollarbear



The human heart has hidden treasures, in secret kept, in silence sealed...
— Charlotte Bronte