I am beginning
a new journey, my dear,
and I fear that you
cannot come with me.
I thought the joy we shared
would last forever
but the wind blew it away
long ago.
I needed you, dear,
and I was too blind
to see you didn't
need me too.
They say that you are nothing,
that you hold me back,
that I can just throw you away.
Don't they see how you shield me
from the pain of reality,
how just knowing you're there
brings me peace?
It hurts to say, dear,
but they are right.
If you stay,
there's no saving me.
So this, old friend,
is goodbye.
You'll move on
to new homes or landfills,
unable to remember
what you were to me.
And now I laugh
at the notion of needing you.
You confined me,
but now you are gone
so I can finally
save myself.
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141,418 Literary Works • 674,397 Reviews
I like this poem, and I feel many people can relate to it. I like the simplicity of it, and I especially like the beginning...
"I am beginning
a new journey, my dear,
and I fear that you
cannot come with me."
It really pulls the reader in and flows well. Maybe you could strengthen the ending a little more to match it. Overall this piece is a great example of poetry that is good without the aid of elevated diction and complex words, that is simply honest and true to the feelings that inspired it. However that is not to say you couldn't enhance the vocabulary a little and implement more powerful words, e.g. write "you confined me" instead of "you closed me in".
This poem is heartfelt but not swamped with emotion. It sounds like you are speaking from the perspective of being at a distance you have created to address the situation in clarity and for what it is. I really like the honesty.
I also like the subtle imagery used... "You'll move on to new homes or landfills"
So those are just my personal thoughts on it. It's a very nice and well-balanced piece.
Thanks for your suggestions. I made the change you suggested and I might look over the wording again to see if I can strengthen it.
This was really beautiful. I could so relate to the speaker, it felt exactly like I was being spoken directly too. I read it a few times over and it left me feeling kind of empty and sad, but in a good way, because the writing was so brilliant that I totally empathised with the speaker. I didn't find and problems with grammar or spelling. Overall I think this was simple but perfect and I'd love to read more of your work in the future.