A woman entered my chamber slowly, deliberately; she walked with grace and purpose. Her steps as swift and delicate as a cool summer breeze.
She strode toward me slowly. Her dress dragging slightly on the marble floor behind her. Her dress was flowing and white, there were many types of embroidery around the waist, neck, arms, and back of the dress. Each part of the dress a white, hand sewn satin masterpiece. Assembled together as a whole, it was one of the most precious and coveted dresses in the kingdom.
The women who wore the dress was a simple beauty. Her skin was a cool white color, just barely kissed by the rays of the sun. Her body was perfectly curved and matured, she was of average height, slender. Her golden blond hair was kept tightly up in a bun atop her head, a mere few strands happening to fall over her forehead.
Her face was that of a sculpted masterpiece. A perfect round shape, her cheek bones curved just as well. Her nose perfectly straight. Her eyes a soft, pure, blazing aqua blue. Not a single blemish decorated her face, accept for a small beauty mark that dotted the upper left part of her left cheek.
I had seen this woman many times in my life time, hundreds of times. I imagine what I look like for her perspective. A simple oblong crystal mirror, polished and pristine. Hung on the wall at bust level to her body.
I can remember clearly the day I was made. I simply came into being, I wasn't asleep, I simply wasn't, and then I was. A horrid looking witch was the first thing I saw, she told me that she stole me from a village. She placed my soul into this mirror. For what cause, I know not.
I can barely remember my life before, I assume I was a male. I was of povert birth I believe. I can't even conceive of what my name was, or what It felt like to be alive. To feel the touch of another, the sun on my skin.
After the witch created me, she kept me for years, teaching me the way of magic. She taught me how to show her people, tell her of the past, and of the future.
I did not hate the witch, she wasn't evil. She granted me the gift of sight into the beyond, of eternal life. Even now I struggle to assign an age to myself. I've seen many faces and been to many places. I've seen the rise and fall of many civilizations and empires. I've seen many masters. Some were better than others, some were cruel and unkind. Others were compassionate and empathetic. But my kindest master has always been the witch.
I can remember the day my previous master decided it was time to part with me. So she ventured to the palace of Alandia, it was the princesses birthday. She gifted the tiny princess with me, a crystal mirror.
"Steadfast my young princess, for this mirror is not as plain as it seems. It is magic," she said, stroking my cool glass surface with her hand.
"Magic? How can that be?" asked the tiny princess. Then so full of naivety.
"That is lost on even myself princess, take care of this mirror, and in return, it will take care of you..." she said, and then she left the palace.
I have since seen the once young princess bud into a beautiful young woman, and then into the marvelous queen she is today. Although the innocence and naivety she had when she was young is lost on her now. So being the princess of Alandia, she was revered as the most beautiful and the most fair. After so many years, that is all she began to care for, being the fairest and the most beautiful.
She strolls toward me slowly, admiring my simplistic beauty, brushing a soft hand against my polished crystal surface. She steps back, a stern look on her face. She uttered a simple rhyme, a rhyming spell that she had spoken to me a million times before.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall..." she breathes.
"Who is the fairest of them all?" her voice as melodic and faultless as a harp.
The spell rushes through me like an electric current, energy spreads all across my form. A million faces rush through my conscious.
"You are still the fairest, my queen..." I say, my voice low and monotonous.
"Thank you..." she says wistfully, and then she strolls out of my small chamber. And I await the moments that she will venture back, and ask me the same question again tomorrow...
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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
Oh Vampire, you sucked the breath out of me. /badjoke
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and I thought your spin on the classic fairytale in telling it from the mirror's perspective was quite interesting. I admit, I was sucked in once I found out the mirror was actually from Snow White. xD
I'm here to review this for you so let's get cracking, shall we?
Firstly, the description of the Queen is much too perfect that I actually can't see her. I understand that she is supposed to be the 'fairest of them all' but you use the word perfect three times when you describe her body, nose and face. Realistically, perfect is extremely hard to create an image of and therefore you kind of have to just stick to something simpler such as, "She was the most beautiful" or something. Beauty can be deciphered by the individual but perfection? I find that hard to really 'see' because no one is quite perfect, right?
Also, that perfect imagery is a drag to read out and it's a pretty bad opener for the story in which I found was interesting in the later half. Take out all your redundant wordings and stick to what you need as the others have mentioned.
Also, we get to the middle part where you give us the whole info-dump/back story on the mirror's origins and how it was created. I think this part needs to be either two things, one be edited out because we can infer from the dialogue that comes later on that it's the magic mirror from Snow White. Or two, you can change the narrative past voice a bit so it'll flow into the voice what you had previously going. Hope that makes sense.
Overall, you have a good idea but need to work on the layout and description of the story to keep it easy to read and manage your fluidity a little more. I hope this review helps and let me know if you have any questions.
-Pink
Hey Vampire!
This was awesome! I really liked how the story was from a mirror's point of view. Also, you kept it from the mirror, as in the mirror from Snow White's, point of view which made it all the more fabulous
Like everyone else here, I found the description in the beginning a bit of a drag. I understand why the narrator, as a mirror, would want to put a lot of detail- but this is simply too much. The beginning of the story is rather important and dumping so much information on the reader isn't good. I would suggest more creative means of describing the woman; perhaps a conversation?
Now for some details.
1)
This part isn't really a sentence, it's more of a clause. It sounds rather incomplete to me. How about adding "were" between "her" and "steps"?
You've done the same thing in some other places too. I'm not sure if it's correct because it sounds incomplete but I don't know whether you've done that for effect or not.
2) This is a minor thing but I couldn't resist:-
Women? Or woman?
3)
Here the "times" sounds a bit repetitive, so maybe just remove the last part? It doesn't seem necessary...
4)
"In" would be more appropriate.
5)
Is povert a word? Also, there should be a comma between "birth" and "I".
I really liked the ending and how you said the mirror was made after placing a person's soul within it. It was original and interesting. Hope I helped.
Angel
I double posted! Sorry!
Hey Vampire!
This was awesome! I really liked how the story was from a mirror's point of view. Also, you kept it from the mirror, as in the mirror from Snow White's, point of view which made it all the more fabulous
Like everyone else here, I found the description in the beginning a bit of a drag. I understand why the narrator, as a mirror, would want to put a lot of detail- but this is simply too much. The beginning of the story is rather important and dumping so much information on the reader isn't good. I would suggest more creative means of describing the woman; perhaps a conversation?
Now for some details.
1)
This part isn't really a sentence, it's more of a clause. It sounds rather incomplete to me. How about adding "were" between "her" and "steps"?
You've done the same thing in some other places too. I'm not sure if it's correct because it sounds incomplete but I don't know whether you've done that for effect or not.
2) This is a minor thing but I couldn't resist:-
Women? Or woman?
3)
Here the "times" sounds a bit repetitive, so maybe just remove the last part? It doesn't seem necessary...
4)
"In" would be more appropriate.
5)
Is povert a word? Also, there should be a comma between "birth" and "I".
I really liked the ending and how you said the mirror was made after placing a person's soul within it. It was original and interesting. Hope I helped.
Angel
I love you description at the beginning, I can just hear the aw in his voice. Your vocabulary word choice was excellent. As far as word choice goes; you did very well.
Your spelling and grammar was flawless, I didn't notice any mistakes there. And your form and layout was smooth. So great use of all the technical stuff.
I loved your creativity in writing this piece. Not very many people would think to look at things from the mirror's point of view. I also liked your background information. It makes it much easier for the reader to think of the mirror as a person, not a magical object.
I also agree with FakeCrow; the timing for this piece was great with all of the new fairytale twists going on.
My rating:10/10
Keep up the writing!
w&w
This was magnificent, very superb work. There's been a ton of things on Snow White recently, two movies and a tv show, so the timing for this story was perfect.
Like everyone else says, the idea for using the mirrors POV was an amazing idea, and the mirrors past was interesting to read about, but the bit about how the queen looked, it's understandable why you put so much detail, but it's also kinda annoying. So much detail draws away from the main point. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors, so you're great there, but I think, considering you were able to put such great detail into everything, I think that it would be good to add more details about the surroundings; there's barely anything in the story which actually says what the room looks like, or if there was even a window for sunlight to shine onto the queen. Other than that, this was a great read; keep up the good work!
happily,
FakeCrow
Thankyou! I was meaning to describe the queen in vivid detail to show that the Mirror is lost in her beauty. Nothing else in the chamber matters when she walks in. A silent love perhaps
Thankyou! I was meaning to describe the queen in vivid detail to show that the Mirror is lost in her beauty. Nothing else in the chamber matters when she walks in. A silent love perhaps
VAMP!
As requested...
Awesome. I'd never of thought to tell this story through the mirror's point of view. It's interesting and puts a new spin on the classic tale.
Now, down to reviewing. You have what I like to call Stephanie Meyer's syndrome here. Don't worry. It's quite common and is curable. I myself have gone through it. It's basically what NeitherHereNorThere said about describing. All you need to do is carefully look over your work and take out anything excess or redundant.
Other than that, great word choice and excellent idea!
Hope this helps!
~ The Rockster
Vampire your review as promised. -bows-
First things first. I loved the point of view in this tale, its not your usual and I found it interesting. However...you over describe. At least for my tastes. Over describing someone or something bores most readers and me. It makes me want to toss the book or I end up skimming through it until I find a good point to start reading again.
But I did not skim over your tale, because then I would not be able to give a review!
Over all, your grammar, wording, and story were fabulous. The only downside to it all was your over-detailing 'aka' over describing syndrome! But this alas can be fixed!
NHNT
Thanks for the review! I'll make sure to grab some medication for the over describing syndrome later
- if you ever need a review, PM me and I'll be glad to help
Wow that was amazing. A bit more detail then I usually like but the imagery was superb!
I loved the way you spoke from the Mirrors point of view. I also appreciate the ending.
Keep up your amazing work.
ThoughtOfInterest
This is breathtaking! I love how it's done in the mirror's POV, it's very original. Your description really pulls me in, I can imagine the witch perfectly, and everything about this is stunning! I love the way it ends, and everything else. Keep writing!
~McKie