Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Literature


The Magic Mushroom - Keep My Casket Closed

by Ayanamaste


It seemed as if the only thing that was meaningful in my life was the mushrooms.

In four weeks, I had lost everything.

I had failed every test. I was unable to walk to school without falling on my face. Everything I looked at seemed to merge together, and most of the time I’d see paranormal and unreal things. When people touched me, I’d scream.

For the past few days, I’ve been vomiting a bucketful.

Now, I sat in my room, scared and alone. My body was hot. Blond hair was plastered on my forehead.

Agitation. Confusion. Fear.

My shaking hands grasped my cellphone. I could feel myself dialling Jack’s number. On the second ring, he picked up.

“Hello?”

“I’m scared, Jack.” I whispered. “I need more...Devon won’t sell to me anymore.” There was silence on the other line.

“Stay where you are and don’t do anything.” He ordered. “I’m coming to get you.”

That was the moment I blacked out.

By the time I woke up again, I was in the streets. I was shivering uncontrollably, only in my boxers, and beside me a pool of vomit.

I looked around but I couldn’t see anything. My cheeks were wet from tears.

I managed to get myself up to my feet. Keeping my balance on the walls, I staggered towards the beach. I wasn’t sure if it was real or not. I didn’t care. All I knew was that I had to get to it.

The beach, the beach, the beach...

I heard a loud honk, like a truck. At that moment I snapped out of it, but it was far too late.

Headlights. I was on the highway.

The last thing I heard was the crack of my bones.

The End...


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
484 Reviews


Points: 33170
Reviews: 484

Donate
Mon Sep 27, 2021 12:14 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

First and foremost, the tense in this part was a lot better than the previous parts. For the previous parts, convert them into past tense.

Seems like Jack could do nothing to help the narrator and the narrator faced all the consequences of taking that drug in. The drug, as I already told is very dangerous.I don't know what drug it is but I am very very curious to knoe how tge students got hold of duch a dangerous drug. . Was it being sold somewhere out there, maybe at a secret place which the narrator was not aware of. Seems so.

Now I wonder about the goal of these friends. Earlier, it seemed to me that these friends just want the narrator to get addicted and earn some money but now it seems like their main intention is to kill. Otherwise, they would have given the drug to him. It's being cruel of the friends.

I wonder why Jack didn't inform anyone. Like we know that the narrator's mother is an alcoholic but there must be other people. Jack could have informed his own parents. I can't find the answer to thid question, maybe Jack themself was connected to thr matter to some extent. We can infer this from the fact that he guessed it very easily and also tge line "By the time I woke up again, I was in the streets. I was shivering uncontrollably, only in my boxers, and beside me a pool of vomit." Who took him to the streets? Must be Jack.

So the persn died at last due to a car accident. Final fate of drug-addicts... Overall, it was a good story to read and the most important thing is we can see the improvements in these three parts. That's great.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




User avatar
44 Reviews


Points: 897
Reviews: 44

Donate
Wed Aug 29, 2012 5:05 pm
View Likes
EmmVeePi wrote a review...



"I had failed every test. I was unable to walk to school without falling on my face. Everything I looked at seemed to merge together, and most of the time I’d see paranormal and unreal things. When people touched me, I’d scream.
For the past few days, I’ve been vomiting a bucketful." This here is good description but entirely unrealistic. You've combined a heroin junkie going through withdrawals with someone tripping on mushrooms. Also it should be either "Vomiting bucketfuls" or "Vomiting by the bucketful".

All in all your description is good. Your narrative is simple but it works for the style. My biggest complaint again would be that you've pretty much written a story about a heroin junkie and simply replaced the word "heroin" with "mushrooms" and mentioned visuals a couple of times. If your gonna depict substance abuse do your research and know what your writing before you write it.





The important thing is never to stop questioning.
— Albert Einstein