I'm standing on the edge of the sidewalk. I wonder what would happen if I took just a few steps forward into the road. I wouldn't wait for the cars to stop. Nobody would know I meant to do it. I couldn't stand to think of how everyone would look at me if they knew I did it on purpose. What would mom think of me? She doesn't know. She never knew how bad it got at school. I have a presentation today n Drama. A monologue. Have to stand up there all by myself with everyone's eyes on me. Some will laugh. Others won't listen. Everyone will applaud just to be polite. Because they don't want Mr. Miller to be mad at them.
It would be so easy. If I time it just right it will look like an accident. Cars are zooming by. Splashing puddles made early this morning. The rain isn't falling anymore, but the air is chill and damp, and my hair is getting frizzy. If I go just before the bell rings, everyone will think I wasn't paying attention because I was worried about being late.
My shoulder is killing me. I'm certain I've done some pretty serious damage to it, always carrying all my books at the same time. But it has to be done that way. I can't go to my locker. That would mean facing Them, and I can't do that. Can't talk to the other kids. I don't get them, and they don't get me, and I always say the wrong thing. People say to get over your fears you have to face them. Well, I have been facing my fear, for ten damn years! It doesn't stop. It never stops. It only gets worse.
On the other side of the street, the chattering of rowdy teenagers is almost deafening. It worse bumping around in the halls. Someone always steps on my foot between classes. Fear is building in my gut. I think I'm going to be sick if I go to school today.
My foot wavers over the road. It would be so easy, I tell myself. Don't wait for the cars to stop and you won't have to go to school for a week or two. maybe even a few months.
My foot falls onto the road. I hesitate as I am blasts with a gust of cold wind. Go on. Other foot. Go on, go on. Take a few more steps and it'll all be over. Nobody will know you meant to do it.
The cars don't stop. I take a step back and head for the crosswalk.