Young Writers Society

Hello hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a review. Forgive me if I miss some of the context as I haven't yet read the first poem. Overall I really enjoy the theme as well as the imagery of thorns and flowers it helps to naill the feelings home. On a semi-related note, I deeply relate to this as it reminds me of my partner we have been through a lot together when others haven't been there but that's unrelated just wanted to share.

As for actual feedback, I don't have much I only have one line I would change. Even then it isn't necessary and just something to help aid the rhyme.

"And tell if I am feeling forlorn or content." I would change this ever so slightly to rhyme it with book. " And tell if I am feeling forlorn or content, with a look."

No matter what happens or what other says keep writing and remember to drink water!

Hello, Kaavyak! I'm going to start by saying that I think this is a very strong piece of poetry. The format and structure is very solid, and the language used indicates a profound sense of love for the subject. I feel that this poem evokes a sense of intimacy that transcends labels like romantic or platonic; it just feels very human and heartfelt, which is a very valuable quality to have with regards to poetry.

That being said, I feel that the rhythm of this poem could potentially use some work; while the message is very good, and while your style is more straightforward than it is flowery, it may benefit you to try to find shorter ways to say what you're trying to say. I'll give an example using the first line;

'Everybody thinks of me as a person who is always happy,' is a good line, but it feels a tiny bit too long and a little clunky. Perhaps, depending on the tone you're intending on portraying with this line, you could shorten it to something along the lines of; 'I wear a mask of happiness,' or something or other. The only reason I suggest this is to help improve your rhythm.

Otherwise, I enjoyed this piece. Well done!