Hello! I am here to review this poem.
Well, personally, i do not believe this is a bad attempt at poetry (for I understand that you are new to it ). However, I personally believe this could do with a bit of re-drafting. Poetry is not an easy thing to get skilled at, (I still struggle with it immensely, even after having written quite a few), and therefore requires a lot of practice.
Ideally, do this in the form of rereading through the lens of a stranger, and rewriting it accordingly. The aim is to ensure you have communicated precisely what it is you desire, and to do this in as *few* words as possible, whilst simultaneously evoking emotion, imagery, and potentially interesting vocabulary and perspectives.
Unfortunately, this seems a little generic to me, particularly with the lines:
And what do children do now?
Watch youtube
and play video games
with zombies.
Whilst I do understand where you're coming from, this is a common criticism that I often find, especially when it merely implies the very act of doing these things is indicative of a bad childhood. I am not a fan of these things myself, however it is more about various other factors, e.g., time spent, content, age-restrictions, etc. rather than simply watching a funny video or two, for instance.
Furthermore, I highly suggest breaking this up into short, concise stanzas (or sections, if you like ) as otherwise this seems more like a long dialogue than a poem (which can work, but given the already short length of the poem, it simply lacks the visual structure and adequate length.)
Although my favourite part would be:
So, I check my bookshelf
and find my book of memories.
As it is a short, sweet metaphor that invites multiple perceptions: the "book" could be reminiscent of the author's love of reading, for instance, or it could represent a time before technology became a major aspect on one's childhood. Although, more elaboration is required.
My favourite line is:
I do not know...
and suppose we never will.
The ellipsis emulates the persona's doubt, which speaks to the reader, and the final line evokes a rather despairing tone; perhaps the persona and the audience (with the collective pronoun of "we") are faced with an inevitable possibility that things can never go back to the way they were, that everything must change, and human beings are too redundant to understand why that is.
Overall, despite some flaws, I did enjoy this poem, as its concise nature and certain lines make one ponder over the ever-growing uncertainty of childhood, and possibly the uncertainty one has growing up.
Apologies if I have been a bit harsh, I do understand you are only a beginner. But, I hope this review helps, even if only slightly, with your writing, especially in poetry, if you choose to write more poems in the future. But do keep writing!
Emilia
Points: 42
Reviews: 19
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