Young Writers Society

Howdy hey! Gengar here to write a review!

I really like things that are retrospective (like the channels Izzzyzzz and Dream Jelly), so I thought this poem was neat! I’m not even that old but I still look back on my childhood like “man… it feels like it was yesterday!”

As other people have said, I think you could use more description.

And what do children do now?

Watch youtube

and play video games

with zombies.

Where did it all go wrong?

Hello foxmaster! Incoming review!

This was a short, sweet, and to the point poem. Overall it was very solid. With that said, lets get on with it!

I like the imagery you have going in with the lines:

So, I check my bookshelf

and find my book of memories.

How did everything change?

and play video games

with zombies.

Hi foxmaster, here to do a quick little review for you.

It seems that YWS is having a very nostalgic few weeks because I've seen several different poems speculating on childhood lately. I love it!!!

Retrospective poetry can be so healing, but it can also reveal really interesting perspectives and provide the writer with a chance to reflect and grow at the same time. Yours dallies with this concept, as you discuss how you've changed throughout your life as well as how you're not quite sure how you got there.

This poem lacks significant imagery, which I think is part of the reason I'm having such a hard time immersing myself in the story. I don't know if you write prose, but if you do, I'm sure you've heard the phrase "show, don't tell". This sometimes applies to poetry as well. While telling a reader something can be very powerful in poetry (there's something about a clear statement that can often hit just the right spot), at the same time, you don't want to tell the reader everything.

Additionally, your topic is... well, honestly, it falls into a pretty stereotyped narrative that children today lack childhoods. Which is definitely not true. Kids today just have different childhoods than we did. I think this poem would have been more effective if you had concentrated on your own experiences through childhood and what you can reflect back on, because I do not think that the rise in technology is to blame for it "all going wrong". If you refocus the poem's subject onto yourself and your own reflection of childhood, it might be a little more relatable for the reader.

You've got a few weird stanza-structure issues, but I'm mostly concerned with the lack of imagery in this poem. When you go back to edit, try to evaluate it with the perspective of "showing" the poems story, rather than telling us the story.


xoxo
Spark