Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Dramatic

E - Everyone

Around the World

by leleparadise


My nerves have gone on vacation

From how much stress I’ve packed onto them

My bones have traveled countries

From how far I’ve stretched them to find the good in others

My eyes have swam oceans

From how long I tried to see connections through to the end

My mind stays indoors

Unable to afford a break from the thoughts that live rent free with it

My spirit stays inside

Caged by a body too scared to watch another part roam too far

Unable to remember its way back home


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
286 Reviews


Points: 625
Reviews: 286

Donate
Wed Dec 22, 2021 2:22 am
silented1 says...



Loved your poem.

Unable to afford a break from the thoughts that live rent free with it

Drop rent free, it's common to use it, but don't use it here because it's not strong language.
Rent free doesn't feel missed or longing for me or angry as I think it could be.
Try something else.




User avatar
23 Reviews


Points: 387
Reviews: 23

Donate
Wed Dec 08, 2021 7:01 pm
View Likes
CotardDelusionz wrote a review...



Cool poem I love the word play used throughout that justifies the title "Around the World". You use word play and figurative language very well in this to show how you as a being, use physical aspects of your being to describe yourself, your feelings and actions. This put an interesting image into the readers heads. The wording also keeps it from being too heavy, deep, or dark, making it a easy to digest read but still getting the feelings and points through.

My favorite lines are: "My bones have traveled countries

From how far I’ve stretched them to find the good in others"

and:

"My mind stays indoors

Unable to afford a break from the thoughts that live rent free with it".




User avatar
54 Reviews


Points: 232
Reviews: 54

Donate
Wed Dec 08, 2021 2:39 am
View Likes
pineapple321 wrote a review...



Hi, leleparadise, Pineapple here for a little review!

I really liked this poem. It was very realistic and I'm sure a bunch of us readers can relate to it. You perfectly illustrated stress and how nerves can go sky-rocketing when an individual gets anxious.

You wrote how a person can almost shut down and feel out of control. You also showed how someone can depend on another person and think they're great but be turned on in the same moment. Especially in this sentence, "my bones have traveled countries/ From how far I've stretched them to the good in others." I think there was a little typo there but aside from that, I understood the message.

This was a great piece and I hope you keep writing more!

Signed,
Pineapple




User avatar
149 Reviews


Points: 18
Reviews: 149

Donate
Wed Dec 08, 2021 12:13 am
View Likes
vampricone6783 says...



I like this poem.It’s relatable.For one thing,I relate to the poem,because I feel like I’ve lost some of my myself.With each passing day and more things to do,you lose sight of what’s important in life.I relate to the last line,I’ve felt like some of me is lost.I hope you have a nice day/night.





For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn