How many writes do you do?
She stood in brackish waters
with trousers rolled to the knee.
The hard rains hammered down,
and drenched her, and stormed her.
With an unreadable line from
her forehead to the tip of her nose,
silver with the water, she turned
and beckoned to us with her hand.
We stopped and stared,
standing on the sand dunes,
then beginning to descend
with large, lilting steps,
and tumbling down into the sea --
she caught us in her arms.
.
He sat on the soft sands,
when the showers ended,
both hands bent at the wrist
to prop himself up.
The scent of the foilage
green and dewy, wafted by.
His chin was like a slipper of the moon.
He sang a siren song in the quiet night,
that purple night, leaking twilight.
We sat on the rocks and listened,
instead of running away, we realised
we had the beach to ourselves.
A/N: Hi there, prospective reviewer! If you're looking for something to comment on, I'd really like to know what you think the 'story' or the 'message' is with this poem. I also have a question for you: what are your general impressions about the 'she' and the 'he' in this poem? Are they more similar or more different? What are those differences and similarities? Many thanks for reading!
hihi here to review :3
silver with the water,
instead of running away, we realised
we had the beach to ourselves.
with trousers rolled to the knee.
The hard rains hammered down,
and drenched her, and stormed her.
chin was like a slipper of the moon.
He sang a siren song in the quiet night,
both hands bent at the wrist
to prop himself up.
i think when you go into the mechanics of a person's actions that's the effect you get.
Hi! I'm here for a review.
I think this poem portrayed two different kinds of... not exactly people, but personalities. The message I got from this poem was that though one path may seem better, or more bold and obvious, the other one isn't any less. It's a little subtler and gentler, but it has the same effect. This reflects on our thoughts about people. Though one's approach may seem pointless to us, it's as effective as the other. We mustn't judge based on what we 'think' it will lead to.
I feel that 'she' is headstrong and bold, but not to the point of arrogance. She is also pretty strong, to be more specific, mentally strong. I love how you show that though the rain is hammering down on her, she stands tall. She is determined.
On the other hand, 'he' is a little more subtle. However, that doesn't mean he doubts himself. He seems to exhibit calm confidence, which passes on to 'us'. He doesn't beckon them by action, but simply with his presence and 'siren song'.
'She' and 'he' are similar in a few ways. Though their paths are different, they accomplish the same thing.
I have to say, I love the imagery you use. It's multisensory, and I can picture the scene perfectly. Hats off to you!
His chin was like a slipper of the moon.
Hey Lim! Incoming review!
As you noted in your author's note at the end I will be giving my interpretation on your poem. Let's get into it!
My first impression when reading the first stanza would be of a girl on the shorelines after something happened. It might have been the loss of someone, a breakup, or a personal failure of hers. I can feel her connection with the waves as they're pushed and pulled and perhaps that's why she's there. And I could think her expression is something near to defeated perseverance. But once we are in the picture I can feel her needing to be the mother of the group. Not like "the mom friend" more so like the nurturing mother figure that can also join in on the chaotic (maybe illegal) fun. Somewhat of how a mother might not show the struggle of life for her children. And that's why the girl is more strong in my opinion.
And now for my interpretations on the "he" portion. This part seems a lot more chill and the air around him feels stagnant in a cool way. Somewhat like if one wrong sound were to be uttered the atmosphere would be ruined. I actually have 2 perspectives on this portion so I might as well say both of them. It really comes from the lenience of using "we". It could either be the guy sitting with me and just having one of those deep cliffside conversations in the middle of night. And when we ran out of things to say he started singing. Like in a musical, words can't convey what he wants to say so he sings.
The other perspective I have is the guy is alone. And you and I happen upon his siren like singing. Then is where we sit on the rocks. The line
Lends me to think the the guy is a siren of sorts or even just the voice of the moon. But if he is a real person, the lineswe had the beach to ourselves.
Makes me think he's singing a song to the sky in honor of a fallen on of his.He sang a siren song in the quiet night,
that purple night, leaking twilight.
I think my impression of "she" was a warrior of sorts. She's strong and hardened but she also has the greatest capability to love. And "he" is soft and thoughtful. Frail to the point of breakage. He rather likes himself being alone than being with others that could be too rough and shatter his soul.what are your general impressions about the 'she' and the 'he' in this poem?
I thought this poem was interesting.I believe it’s about a guy being lost in life,then,finding someone,a woman in his life,who would lead him to the right direction in finding himself.I think they are more similar than different,because they understand each other so well,as if they were the same person in different bodies.Good job and have a wonderful day/night!
Hey Liminality!
This was a really interesting read- and I love the mental images and feelings that are conjured up by the words and phrases you chose. I'm not entirely sure of what the story/message is, or of what exactly you meant to convey, but the first interpretation that came to mind was that both "he" and "she" represent two different approaches to life, and two different kinds of leadership.
"She" is a fierce, strong leader. Someone who dives headfirst into life and refuses to run or hide, but bravely faces everything and becomes a model and a pillar of strength for others. She is prepared and resolute, with trousers rolled to the knee. She beckons to those who attempt to follow her- calm and unwavering where they are hesitant and timid. When they try to imitate her they stumble and fall, but she is ready to catch them and lift them up to stand beside her in the storm.
"He" is less clear to me. He strikes me as more of a loner- or at least, he perhaps unknowingly or without intention leads by example, where "she" is more intentional in her leadership. His is the strength of peace and acceptance. He isn't trying to fight anything, but waits until the storm has passed. He influences others not through his actions (like "her"), but with his "siren song". With words, reflection, and thought, he leads others (the "we") to the same resolution that "she" lead others to using a different method (showing, rather than telling): They don't need to run away, or to be afraid. The beach/life can belong to them if they're brave enough to seize it.
"She" is active, while "he" is more passive. She is a "do-er" while he is a "thinker". However, both seem strong, firm, and immovable- two figures that their peers seek to emulate.
Otherwise:
I have zero ideas of what a chin like a "slipper of the moon" might possibly mean, but I love the image it creates.
If I were to critique anything about this, it'd be how vague it is. I wish I'd gotten some stronger characterization and more information about the two characters and what they're supposed to mean. Some ideas seemed unrelated and I couldn't see the connection (for example, the scent of green foliage in contrast to the waves and beach). I had fun drawing my own conclusions from the little you gave, but I still feel like they're loosely defined enough that they could be taken in many different ways. Which, granted, might be exactly what you were going for. I dunno. Just a thought.
Not sure how far off I am in my interpretations hahaha, but I really enjoyed reading this and rambling about my theories! I'm very curious as to what the actual meaning of it is, but I doubt you'll make it easy for me by telling me outright lol
Thanks for sharing! c:
- Aly
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