z

Young Writers Society


12+

I am Mari (Chapter 3)

by momonster


I walk.                       

The world is silent, like it is afraid of me.

It probably is.

I stop to scan, and I see a house.

It is small, red, and brick. It looks like it has been standing where it is for many, many years. A horse stands in a small hut next to it, drinking water from a trough. There is a small garden in front of the house, and a man tends to it. I engage my stealth features, so he won't see me unless I want him to.

I walk up to him and stand next to him.

I stare.

He looks...

Familiar.

I know this man.

But how?

I look at his face again, this time ready for the beauty that awaits me. He has golden-brown hair that dances in front of his blue eyes when the wind plays with it. He is strong, with his muscles rippling as he works, pulling weeds out of the midst of his carrots. He wears a red plaid shirt. He has a slight beard that is carefully trimmed. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

I gasp, clutching my chest. I stumble backwards and hit a metal can, spilling garbage everywhere. Some gets on me, and my instincts react strongly, shutting off my stealth features. The man jumps up and points a gun a me in surprise.

“What the-? What are you?!” he demands.

“I-I’m-“ my words fail me. “Mari.”

“Mari?” he asks. “Mari who?”

“Mari…” Suddenly I freeze.

I fall over into the carrots, my systems screaming at me.

What is happening to me?!

Then I realize.

I remember.

                                    

                             

Insert

Day 2 after TS’s escape. 0538. 12/29/50

To the highest esteemed king, tsar, president, prime minister and leader of various kinds in all countries known to man, Harvard:

My sovereign leader, I apologize for the lack of contact in the last few days. We have been doing everything we can do to get the TS back. We had our top spies hidden outside of the well she was hiding in. She left the well, our spies gave pursuit, and she killed them. Our top men. Dead with a snap of the fingers. We are trying all we can think of. Nothing works. We cannot find her. I require reinforcements.

Dr. Eta

Insert will be continued in the next chapter


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Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:18 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey Momo!

RandomTalk here with a short review!

Well, this was certainly an interesting continuation and also, not what I expected at all.

I walk.

The world is silent, like it is afraid of me.

It probably is.


I am usually much more into details and descriptions and metaphors, but I have fallen in love with the way you began this chapter. Your short direct sentences do not leave much room for speaking but it does leave a profound impact. The formatting too creates a rather significant effect, and with a beginning like that, your readers are bound to get hooked right from the start.

He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

Okay, this is just a personal opinion. But the way you described this man, I am not sure that a robot or whatever Mari is, would notice such details. Especially the adjectives you used like 'rippling muscles' or 'hair dancing in front of eyes', I just think it was a little uncharacteristic.


Then I realize.

I remember.

I have a feeling that she knew this man before the scientists experimented on her and made her into what she is today. But it made me wonder another thing - Was the experiment voluntary? Did she sign up for it or was she chosen randomly? I a not sure about that, but I can tell that this man has some connection or significance to her previous life. Maybe that is why she was so surprised to see him? But he must have had a greater involvement in her life, otherwise I don't think just the sight of him would be enough to trigger her memories.

Overall, this was a really nice chapter. I am curios to see what she remembers now.

Keep writing and have a great day!




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Fri Jan 01, 2021 5:55 pm
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SpunkyMonkey wrote a review...



Hi! Spunky here to review!

Grows:

The only thing is...Well, I'm not exactly a big fan of the "Perfect, beautiful man" type stuff. That's just me, but I never really make my characters super beautiful. Everyone has some flaw to them. Feel completely and utterly free to ignore me, this is purely stylistic.

Glows:

I walk.

The world is silent, like it is afraid of me.

It probably is.

Really cool way to open a chapter. The formatting makes a nice touch as well.

What is happening to me?!

Then I realize.

I remember.

So much suspense! Ahhh!

You're doing such an amazing job! I can't wait for your next chapter!

Bye for now Momo, and God bless you!




momonster says...


Thank you!



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Wed Dec 30, 2020 4:28 am
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DreamyAlice wrote a review...



Momo I loved it!
Alice thinks the sidekick is the one you wanted the name of in the forum. I am curious to know what name you choosed for him. The insert format is cool to get anyone into your writing.


"What is happening to me?!

Then I realize.

I remember."


I mean do robots are taught what love is. It would be interesting to see the rest of there talk. Hope the sidekick is funny like always they are.

You have already made me follow this story
Hope you don't mind I am not a mistake teller
and a good reviewer.

Upload the next chapter fast
I am very very excited to read the rest of it!

Bye!!!




momonster says...


Thanks for the review!




Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
— Groucho Marx