Young Writers Society

Hi! Oliver here to review!

I like how this poem references several things pertaining to a simple life in the countryside, such "hollow tree stumps", "rusted latch", "the front door flung open".

The two words used at the beginning of each stanza, "sublime" and "graceful", lend to a sense of holiness in the small things. The first stanza focuses on decay, with the "rusted latch" and the "rotted palm frond", while the second stanza focuses more on life, with the "agitated mink" and "fire that wildly roars up". The poem talks about finding holiness in both life and death.

The imagery and structure of this poem really give it a nice flow. This poem was easy to read and flowed very nicely. I liked that both stanzas were equal length, as I think that gave the poem a nice sturdy structure.

The only thing that seemed off about this poem is the last line and the rhyming scheme, of which I couldn't really figure out. The rhyming seemed a bit random and kind of threw me off, while the last line, "that is soon to be roped in", seems a bit jarring and only fits with the poem if one assumes that it references death. Otherwise, it doesn't fit with the stanza. However, these are very small things in my opinion and so they don't really affect the poem too much.

Overall, this was very nice and calming to read. It really gave me a sense of hope and gentle energy. As always, I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

Keep writing,

- o.s.e.k

I like this poem Lizz! It obviously reminds me of the poem "swift things are beautiful" by Elizabeth Coatsworth which I think maybe you intended this poem to be in response or conversation to.

Really I think the language and cadence is probably the best part, this poem is just smooth and just rolls off the tongue. There's some alliteration and consonance that I could comment on too, that helped the flow of the poem just read so nicely. And it's subtle alliteration too that doesn't look like you're trying to be Dr. Seuss too. One section I see that in is how you repeat the "r" sound in the last two lines. And the "L" sound in the first two.

There's a few images that stand out too -

I love the lines "the swift movement of hands // looping to shake a drink, // the fire that wildly roars up,// the front door flung open"

- the imagery there is just really strong, and unique. I wouldn't think of describing the way that a door opens in a poem, but the way it's paired with a fire and a bird, is just interesting.

The poem's overall meaning seems to be to watch all the little things. Notice what is going on around you, and catch the beauty and intrigue in it all.

Here's a few phrasing things I had mixed feelings about:

"and oak branches hang low/ so simply natured" - first I don't get what it means for something to be "simply natured" or why it's worthy of note, and then I almost wondered if it should say "oak branches hanging low" to go with the phrasing of the stanza/sentence as a whole. For some reason the phrasing of that first stanza makes sense to me in individual lines, but as a whole I'm not quite grasping the whole sentence. (I still like the imagery and language though!)

Other little critique - I really wonder at that last line. It seems like such an inconclusive point to end. A bird being roped in is a sad place to end, and does it really belong in the same stanza as things being stired up and moved wildly? A caged bird seems to have a different mood and connotation. Although that's just how I'm reading into it, and you may very well have intended the reader to feel a little uneasy with the last line - because it does evoke a reaction.

That's all I've got! I thought the punctuation and capitalization and word choice were all just peachy - no issues there.

Nice work! If you wanted feedback on any other aspects of the poem let me know - and sorry that this was rambley.


I probably shouldn't use so many banners - but who's going to stop me? The banner police?

Hello, shaniac here to review your poem for Poetry Exchange!

I first want to say that this poem evokes a lot of raw descriptions and I'm genuinely living for it, including in the first few lines. Even more so, the general idea that I'm getting from this poem is that there is a family that's probably going through a lot and at the end with "and the bird races on", I'm guessing that's a child who wants to escape but eventually will be roped back into the problems. If that's the idea, I think you've done a creative job of expressing it.

A small suggestion I have is perhaps in the second bit's beginning, take out 'and' because it will sound just the same as with what you have in the first bit's beginning and overall may make the poem run smoother. The same can go for 'and oak branches hang love' as in the lines following, you start off with just going into what you're describing.

Another suggestion I also have is more description of smaller things like the keys and the latches. Adding some colorful descriptors onto minor objects may create a stronger image for the reader. I genuinely think you have some great imagery already, but it wouldn't hurt to add some more.

To cap, I think you've done a nice job with creating a scene of what I think maybe a broken family with a vagabond child with the right descriptors. This poem could also use some minor descriptions of minor objects and to fix up the beginnings to make the overall poem a bit stronger. Have a good day/night and if you have any questions, let me know!

Hi, Bloodlord here for a review!

I think this is a great poem, and you paint very nice images with each of your lines. I have a few suggestions regarding meter and line breaks that may help make the poem stronger.

First, it would be nice if you capitalized the beginning of the poem since it is the beginning of a thought. Also, eliminating a few words and adding a few here and there to preserve the meter might be better. For example, you could do something like:

Still things can be sublime. (6 syllables)
The hollow tree stump, (5)
the hanging oak branch, (5)
the rusted latch, (4)
and the drilled trees, (4)
the ice on the pond, (5)
unknown set of keys, (5)
the rotted palm frond, (5)
so simply natured. (5)

Here, I think 'so simply natured' works best as a last line. Also, I've paired up lines after the first line to match syllable length. That's just an idea.

For your second stanza, again a capitalized first line would be good. Changing the lines to match a meter similar to the first stanza would make the poem cohesive and consistent. Also, the part "stirred up things" is a little awkward. Is there an alternative phrase you can use that would be more natural? Also, I feel like the last line is not really the best ending. Can you think of something like 'so simply natured' to conclude the poem?

Thanks for sharing! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Hi there @LadyBird I am here to do a review on you work, first this poem is a very good length for me, still things can be sublime, I do not really no what you mean by this, I was hopping that you would eksplan it a bit pleas, and oak branches hang low,
spot the defriens with this,
you have said, and oak branches hang low, I have said, and oak branches hang low and high to the era and the ground, I hop that you can see that what you have said makes not much sens to me, the unknown set of keys, wen I read this I think of the computers keys pleas make your self a bit more klear, the fire that wildly roars up, this is a bit confousing to me how can a fire roar up wen it is cold and icy, that is soon to be roped in, what do you mean by this do you mean that they are going to be roped our something else, the rest was good, keep up with the good work,

@EagleFly out to seek and kill