Hey danni88! Happy revmo!
I haven't read the previous chapters, so I apologise for not being able to comment much in the way of anything relevant to that, or if it affects something I say in the reason as a result. Still! I hope that I can be of some help to your work! Let's get into it, shall we?
So I understand that, as I am coming into this without knowledge of what was happening before hand, I'm at a disadvantage. Take this suggestion with a grain of salt- I think I would have liked to see some explanation at the beginning as to what's happening? Like, a continuation from the last chapter, but more of a reminder of what's happening. Why is Loki holding his hands up and saying "cool down"? Who is Artemis gesturing to when you mention "the others"? This feels more like a second part to a beginning of a chapter than a beginning of a new chapter, if that makes sense.
"It's not what you think! We've captured her." He scowled.
Who? Loki? One of the others? I think you could stand to have clarification here.
Artemis grinned. "Well, I have to look tough in front of my huntresses, don't I?" She relaxed and slung her bow over her shoulder.
I'm...a little confused. Not only did this seem sudden, given her earlier reaction to, well. Loki? Peridot? The whole group of them? Regardless, she seemed to switch rather sudden. And if she has to "look tough in front of her huntresses", did her huntresses leave somewhere between the beginning and now? Because I didn't even know anyone else was there.
Artemis scrutinised her. "You don't look that powerful. Wait a sec....."
When she trails off at the end, there should only be three periods! Three periods make an ellipsis. The other two are unnecessary and, well. Incorrect haha.
All fairies are able to control one element - earth, air, fire, water, ice or lighting. Eve was water. Maia was lighting.
The only trouble was, she couldn't control that any more than her normal magic.
First of all, the first sentence switched from past to present tense and then back to past in the next one. Also! This? feels a lot like a little infodump? It kind of breaks the narrative here by like, just saying this is how it is. And I could have understood if a character was saying this, but the way it's presented into the prose is? Odd I suppose.
And then the second line, I feel like that should have been something that was introduced earlier? It seems like a character detail that should have been brought up earlier but, again, I haven't read any more so I couldn't say for sure.
"Congrats. Now you can control the other five."
I don't really know what just happened her? Artemis makes it sound like Maia can suddenly just control them, but it sounds like with the Power Stone, she has been able to but she just didn't know it?
So to my understanding, it seems like there is some combination of Greek and Norse Gods going on here (or is Loki just a character's name haha)? Which is pretty cool, I haven't encountered this being done before. It's a neat concept!
I think my main concern here was the lack of balance between dialogue and...most everything else. I'm constantly harking on about this in all my reviews, but I would like to see more description. I have zero concept of what's going on around them at any time. There is limited movement between the characters, and not too much outside of the dialogue and facial expression? But like, description? What does it look like around them? What season is it? Is there a breeze? Does it smell like anything? Is there any noises going on around them? Etc, etc. This is the kind of thing I would love to have seen, to give more of a balance between dialogue and story. And to have worked the little snippets of information into the narrative rather then just dropping them in? If that makes sense.
Also! I'm not clear on whose point of view this is in? Unless it's omniscient author narration? It seemed to lean towards Maia towards the end, but at the beginning I almost got the impression it was Loki?
I think that's all I have for you today, however! If you have any questions, please let me know. Keep up the good work!
I hope you're having a fantastic time!
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