Young Writers Society

Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek, here to review another amazing piece of literacy and beat the Werewolves once and for all! For the Witches shall win in the end! But before that happens, I am going to help you improve your writing as a whole and improve you as a Young Writer in the process. Of this I am certain. I like all literacy, regardless of what genre or subject it is falls under. When I review your work, this will become apparent to you. Are you ready? Let's begin the review!

I absolutely LOVE the message behind this poem! It is true that there are many things in life to enjoy, but only the happy things can set us free. This is a very accurate message to send to your readers, and I think that you must be a very astute poet to accurately incorporate this theme into your work. That takes a lot of skill and effort, and that is something that a poet must have in order to succeed at doing what they love. Your work truly is amazing, and I don't really have that much left to say here. I think I'm done with this review, but I'll add more for you!

My favorite lines are the last three because of the rhyme scheme and the clever use of commas. Remember to always enjoy the happy things in life, and be happy for who you are! I hope to review your work again soon. Bye!!!!

-ZeldaIsShiek

LittleLee's here for a review! Let us begin, shall we?
Alright, negatives first - so you do not need to finish reading the review with a sour taste in your mouth!

Look, I know that some poems need a substantial amount of commas, but this really does NOT. Your use of commas fragments the poem quite a lot, rendering the most powerful sentences useless. For example,
"The happiest things show,
Up when the hard times are here"
What IS this? Both of the sentences are fragments. What is the point of that? However, if you remove the comma, making it become
"The happiest things show up
When the hard times are here"
What have i done here? I eliminated the comma, and inserted "up" to the sentence above it. It sounds better, more eloquent. It also makes the two separate sentences have meaning, yes? There are a few other places like this.
The thing is, if you ask me, I would completely remove ALL the commas. Yes, all. It makes the poem so much easier to understand and read. Instead of commas, here and there i would punctuate the stanzas with full stops. Okay, enough of that. Let's move to the next point.
At one point, instead of "then" you wrote "than". This is a common mistake, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You could just remember the difference like this : " then" is related to the time, while "than" is a word usually comparing two or more things.

Now, to the positives of the poem.
I think you have really captured the very essence of happiness, and the various words you have used are simple, but artfully merged into the poem, making them beautiful. And the poem itself is really nice to read. Well done!
(I hope my review didn't become too critical!)

Hi there popsicles! You commented on one of my pieces so I wanted to return the favor.

I'll be using a Reviewing Method called the "YWS Critique Sandwich" to do my review which is one of the many methods people go about reviewing on the site.

Top Bread: What I liked about the piece
I like to use headings to organize my thoughts here

imagery
I enjoy that you used a few pieces of imagery in order to make your points clearer -- this can be seen in the flying description as well as the mention of the sun. Imagery is a great tool to use in poetry to make points stand out, and connect an emotion or image with the reader. I would love to see you develop this even more in your poem, maybe by adding specifics about the images you've already chosen.

personification
Metaphorical language and poetic devices like personification are one of my favorite parts about poetry. In this one you used the detail of dreams flying and falling, this is a great way to add interest to your piece rather than just saying "sometimes dreams work, sometimes they don't" you took it a step further and made it unique. I think the line "Dreams let us fly and let us fall" was probably my favorite line in the poem.

Meat of the Review: Places where the author can improve upon
This is the part of the review where the most time should be spent, where a reviewer takes specific examples to show suggestions of where the author can make improvement.

rhyme scheme
For me the rhyme scheme was a bit distracting.

Hello I'm here to review your poem a little
Alrighty, so. you have already improved quite a bit!
in fact this is a very good poem. there are still a few flow problems so let us dig into that.

"You know that after all"
in this line I personally think that you should remove the "You know".

"At night and sometimes at day"
this line needs to be replaced completely, it basically ruins the flow of the first 4 lines and then the remaining 4 lines afterwards. maybe try rewording it to have make a little more sense.

otherwise there was nothing else about this poem that I disliked.
this poem was extremely good and I look forward to seeing more from you
have a good day and an uLTRA sPOOky haLLoWEeN
>Adrian