May the force be with you,
On difficult days,
May the force be with you,
Now and always,
May the force be with you,
We have far to go,
May the force be with you,
Even if his answer is ''no'' ,
May the force be with you,
Have no fear,
May the force be with you,
Hold it close, my dear,
May the force be with you,
Focus on what's good,
May the force be with you,
In all what's misunderstood,
May the force be with you,
Show your face!
May the force be with you,
Though, to another place,
May the force be with you,
Let them know,
May the force be with you,
Let it deep inside you grow.
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139,883 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Thanks for sharing this very interesting poem about the mysterious force that is constantly being mentioned in the Star Wars series.
Suggestions
May the force be with you,
[on] difficult days[.]
May the force be with you,
[n]ow and always,
May the force be with you[!]
We have far to go[.]
May the force be with you,
[though the answer be ''no''[.]
-
May the force be with you[!]
Have no fear[.]
May the force be with you[!]
Hold it close, my dear[.]
May the force be with you[!]
Focus on what's good[.]
May the force be with you[,]
[i]n what's misunderstood[.]
=
May the force be with you[!]
Show your face!
May the force be with you,
[t]hough, to another place,
May the force be with you[!]
Let them all know,
May the force be with you[!]
[Deep within you let it grow.]
Addendum
When the series first started the force remained something mysterious. Some people surmised that it had to do with perhaps the spiritual powers of good and evil mentioned in the Bible. That would be holy spirit vs the influence of Satan.
But finally, it was revealed that the force being referred to was generated merely by some microscopic parasites which are in a symbiotic relationship with humans who can access them to do their bidding, whether that bidding be bad or good. In other words the force has no moral priorities. It is something comparable to a tool such as a hammer, you can either use a hammer to bang in a nail to constrict a house or bash someone's head in which it in a mugging. The hammer doesn't care. Neither do these microscopic parasites that generate it.
To me that was a major disappointment.
Hi popsicles! Welcome to YWS! Saru here for a hopefully helpful review!
I'm going to get constructive criticism out of the way first so we can get on with what was great about this.
Strength is spelled 'strength', and the flow here might be better corrected if changed to "Our strength is Love, today and always,"
You don't need this first comma.
This could be left alone and be fine, but 'bad' and 'unsaid' don't exactly rhyme. Try and find a different word, maybe, to replace 'unsaid', but doing this isn't necessary.
You forgot the 'r' in force.
Same thing. These don't rhyme, but it's not that important. The apostrophe in 'you're' is one space to the left.
I have a few things to say about this particular section. I feel like this might sound smoother if you might say 'Because after a long battle, even the strongest can fall,/Still then, the force is with you after all.' But if you don't want do that, you might want to take into consideration that the 'than' you put in would be grammatically correct if changed to 'then'.
And... that's it for constructive criticism! This was a really cool piece! I liked the way you set up your rhyme scheme, and the overall way you wrote this!
Keep writing!
thankyou!
You're welcome! One more thing, though, you wrote "show you're face!" Capitalize the first letter of 'show' and repunctuate you're (to 'your')
Okay thanks!
Hello E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
First off, some utter nonsense. *Sees May The Force and flips table while screeching at top of lungs about having the high ground in excitement* As you can, tell I like Star Wars. J-Just a little bit. A little bit. Okay, fine. A lot. So glad to see a poem about it! I can't wait for the next movie!
SO, lets actually start the review. First thing I notice is that a lot of places need commas. "Everywhere you go", "The world is one big show", "Don't lose control", "Even when it's taken", "Be awaken", and "Feel it deep within" all nee commas after one another. Also, the flow was not that great. This poem felt as if it was missing something and I don't know what that would be. I am leaning towards emotion. A key element to a poem is emotion! They were practically raised, brought forth, on emotions! Do try and fix that, if you are able to. Other wise, I liked the use of metaphors and things alike. So, next up, dissecting the poem!
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in this poem you are either just writing a poem about something you LOVE, aka Star Wars. Or, or you have a deeper meaning to it. Which I will try to get correct. In this poem, you are telling us that the force, the good and bad, is there. In the big things and in the small. It is there, no matter how small that something may be. You are telling us that the world is one big theater for the amusement of something bigger. That we should let the dark things consume our life because if we do, then things will all seem black and white. There will be no more light in your life. Don't lose control, even when it seems like you have lost it. Let the good things appear, do not, whatever you do, push them away. Because if you do push the good things away, then things will never get better for you. Ever. You are telling us that there is good, light with us always, even if it may seem like it seems ever is. It's a good thing to keep in mind. Do not lose sight of the good you have, try to stay optimistic about it. In any situation.
Over all, I loved the poem. Its a Star Wars poem so how could I not love it?! Also, I liked the picture of everyones favorite green midget! Try you best to fix the flow of the whole poem and don't forget to fix the comma mistakes! Keep up the good work and Happy Halloween! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him.
Hahah I love your review I go edit my poem now, thansk for the help! <3
No problem Bree!
Carly's Corner:
First off, I'd like to officially say welcome to YWS, I've never really said that to you. And I'd appreciate the fat that you tried to punish something on here, it takes a lot of bravery to do that. Kudos on that...But then, there is (are) just a few thing (s) I'd like to point out.
1) There isn't essence in the poem, like maybe there is, but u couldn't find it. what's essence? essence us what gives the poem life, it's what gives any work of art life, meaning but your work lacked that, which is the first ingredient. I know sometimes words just tend to flw out and you begin to sum them up, but then again,I think at a stage of your writing, you should have figured out your writing guide.
2) ".....Feel it deep within
May the force be with you
And let it in."
May the force be with you, not much to say about these lines, but I think, your last line "And let in" ruined something that should have been spectacular. you could try something else , sometime, I'm sure you'd make out a great and better work...
Note;
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THANKYOU!!!