Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
For Tenyo's LMS contest. Word Count: 1091, approx.
Chapter Ten
Seth jolted awake with a gasp, sitting upright in the bed. He reached for his throat, his face, and felt smooth skin, and then--then ridges. He swallowed, feeling slightly panicky. What was on his face? What were these ridges? Seth inhaled sharply, the vague recollection of seeing himself drifting forwards, black lines crawling over his face. No, not himself. A twin. He frowned, tracing the veins up into his hair. As he sat there, his skin begin to crawl and quiver--and then there was smooth skin beneath his fingers.
"Seth?" He glanced to his right and hesitated. Samira was sitting up in a chair, peering his way sleepily. She blinked at him for a moment then realised he was awake. She was instantly alert. "You're awake! That's brilliant!"
"Samira?" he asked, counfused. He frowned at her, digging his fingers into his hair. "What's going on? What happened?" He stopped short for a second, rubbing a thumb across his temple, now free of the thick, dark lines that had been maring his face. "What was on my face? What--"
"I should call for Amerys--"
"No," Seth hissed, snatching his sister's wrist as she raised her hand to her ear. He barely recognised his own voice as he spoke, his tone low and dark. "No. Don't call for him... At least, not yet..." He met her startled gaze, softening his expression. "Please?"
"Are you okay, Seth?" she whispered, leaning forwards and seeming to peer closely at his face. He felt the unnatural calm winding about him again. "You seem a little... not-quite-yourself..."
Seth waved a hand dismissively, exhaling carefully. The calmness was not his, but he found himself unwilling to change it. "I'm fine," he grunted and released his sister, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. "I think..."
"You think?"
He laid his head down on his knees and eyed his sister warily. "You're making me calm again, aren't you?"
Samira winced. "I'm sorry, big brother," she mutterd, gaze dropping to the floor. "I just want to make sure you'll be okay and that you won't freak out anytime soon."
Seth snorted, fingernails digging into his legs through the thin blanket someone had covered him with. "It's so weird," he muttered, eyes darting to take in the room. It was much the same as the room in his dream had been. The only difference was that there was more furniture; the bed, the chair Samira sat on, another chair over by a small table, a cabinet. All of it was dark grey metal or what appeared to be glass, except the bedding. That was unearthly soft material and he wasn't sure if he wanted to get up. "It's so weird knowing I'm panicky and uneasy and yet feeling utterly calm."
His sister chuckled, leaning closer to push some hair behind his ear. "I didn't have anyone to help keep me calm when my barriers fell, Seth," she said softly, smiling at him when his gaze darted back to meet hers. "You'll feel a little better in a few days, but I'll be pulling back on the manipulation of your emotions soon." She bit her lip and pulled back, cradling one hand with the other, toying her fingers. "Do you want me to call for Amerys now?"
He short her a sharp look. "Do you have to?" he asked, sounded a little dejected even to his own ears. "I mean... What's so important about him? Why does he have to know anything?"
Samria frowned at him, then opened her mouth to reply and promptly shut it again. Her frowned deepened for a moment and then she sighed. "I thought you knew?" she muttered, sitting back in her chair and heaving a sigh. "I thought he explained everything to you back on Earth?"
Seth turned his face into his knees and refused to answer. Now that was awake and less panicked, his mind was spinning. Amerys had called him a prince. An alien prince. Well, only half alien. That was better than being fully alien, right? Amerys had also told him about his parents--well, their parents, because Samira really was his twin sister--and how they'd died. He'd thought it was a prank at first but now it was quite clearly not one. He remembered the conversation on the shuttle, remembered someone commenting about being broken... And he remembered being asked to focus--and then he remembered reaching out--
He'd reached for Amerys's anger and taken it into himself.
He pulled upright abruptly, flinging the blankets off him. Amerys had told him not to. He could quite clearly remember that, but something about the man's expression, about his eyes when Seth had looked, had been bright... He frowned, swinging his legs off the bed and climbing to his feet. He swayed and felt more than saw Sam surge up to catch him.
"I need to talk to him," he whispered, feeling a little disconnected like he'd be set adrift. Sam pushed him back down onto the bed.
"You need to rest, Seth," she hissed, cupping his cheek and tilting his head until their eyes met. "That is all you need to do right now, alright?" She gave him a stern look and tilted his chin up a little more. "Do you understand?" she asked sternly. He nodded. "Good. Now rest. I'll go find Amerys."
"Okay," he muttered, feeling the pressure in his head building again. He had another headache coming on. Seth reached up to grip the side of his head, groaning slightly. Sam gave him a concerned look. He scowled at her. "What?"
"Stay here," she muttered and span on her heels, almost sprinting from the room.
Seth stared after her for a moment, then turned his attention to the room again. The lights, though low and soft, were burning spots in his vision, lingering even after he blinked. As if sensing his distress, the lights dimmed further until they were almost off completely. Seth relaxed slightly and leaned forwards, covering his face and resting his elbows on his knees. Beneath his hands, he felt his skin on his face quivering again and suddenly the veins surged back with a vengence. He groaned, curling in tighter on himself. That was probably not a good sign, but Seth couldn't think right now. All he could do was ride out the sudden, excruciating migraine he'd developed.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Interesting chapter. Could've had more meat on the bone, in mine opinion, but oh well. The sooner you get your ideas down, the better.
See mine (notes) and /*edits*/ below.
On to the next chapter.
Hey, ScarlettFire! Storm here for a review this fine Review Day, so let's jump right into it!
Now, I haven't been following this novel, so forgive me if I have any misconceptions, but I'll review this to the best of my ability!
This line is particularly telly. Show the audience what Seth's (my step-brother has the same name, so I'm imagining him as the main character) panic feels like.
This seems a bit like exposition. However, often people do talk about things like this and explain how they're feeling something, so maybe it's just the wording. 'panicky and uneasy' I don't know that it's the way a teenage(?) boy would talk. Unless, of course, he was well spoken, which I'm not sure if he is. Regardless, the wording is a bit awkward.
Overall, this was pretty solid. However, I would have liked to see more description from you, as yours was pretty basic. When you describe so little, you have to be sure to use more powerful words so that it's more effective. Despite not having read previous chapters, I like the dynamic between Seth and his sister. However, long lost twins are kind of a cliche, so be sure to add your own twist to their relationship and the way they interact.
You know where to reach me if you have any questions or want to discuss something. I love novel discussions.
~Storm
Oh, man, these vein things are seriously disturbing.
So, okay, I got to this bit and was like, "I thought they were twins?"
And then I got to this bit and was like, "Okay, yes, I remembered that correctly."
In fairness, I am not a twin. But it's weird to me that a twin would call their twin "big" or "little" sister or brother, because they're basically the same age. I mean, I'm sure they sometimes pull the "I'm two minutes older, so you *have* to listen to me," but I remember noticing Samira call him "big brother" before and being confused by it, only that time I didn't have confirmation in-chapter that they are, in fact, twins.
So I guess if you're a twin this opinion really doesn't matter, because you'd know if this was fine. But it just seems weird to me every time it happens.
Otherwise I thought this was a pretty solid chapter! Seth was appropriately confused and disoriented by waking up with the black veins from the dream actually on his face in real life. I also appreciated - like, okay, so I'm uncertain when characters do things like manipulate each other's emotions without permission, but I liked that Samira's doing it came from a place of love and remembering what it was like for her trying to deal with all this once upon a time.
Thanks for posting!