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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Equivalent Worlds - Chapter Four

by ScarlettFire


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

For Tenyo's LMS contest. Word Count: 1137, approx.

Chapter Four

Seth was still panicking when Amerys strode back into the passenger compartment. Samira had been unable to get him to sit down, so he'd fallen on his ass when the shuttle had taken off. He raised an eyebrow at the boy then exchanged a glance with Samira. She was scowling at him, and threw him a jerk of the chin.

"You tell him," she said in Kavian and stalked off into the cockpit. Amerys blinked. Hadn't she been managing her brother better? Apparently not.

He sighed and turned to face the halfing, eyes narrowed. Emir stood near the door, gaze focused on the slim, electronic datapad he held. Teren was seated serenely on the low bench to the right. He deliberately wasn't looking at Seth. Amerys let his gaze drift for a moment before it came to rest on the boy. Seth was just getting to his feet, dusting off his ass. It didn't help that he was facing away from him.

Amerys cleared his throat. "Well," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. Seth shot him a glare. "I suppose I should explain a few things."

Seth stalked towards him, expression furious. "I can't believe you made me leave my friends behind," he ground, giving him a sharp poke to the chest with one finger. "What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Behind the boy, Teren tensed as if to get up. Amerys gestured discretely for him to stay put and turned his focus back to the boy. "There is nothing wrong with us," he snapped, giving the boy an exasperated glare. "As for your friends-- Hakor will keep them alive as leverage. He knows you care for them. He probably heard us arguing; you were hardly quiet about it." He raised an eyebrow at him, which was met with a glare from those near-glowing blue-green eyes. He was, indeed, very close. "He knows now, and so he won't see his threats through. Not yet at least."

Amerys glanced away, feeling slightly guilty about not helping the humans when he could. He could just imagine the atrocities they'd suffer at Hakor's hand. He'd had to suffer a few himself, when he was kept prisoner by the man. That had been many years ago--and on Inarus's order. He grimaced, trying not to make it too obvious.

"It was best that we got you out of there, lest the man got his hands on you. If he had, it is very likely you would not have seen your friends--or Earth--again." He swallowed, then wet his dry lips, dragging his gaze back to the boy's. "Hakor would have kept you as a prisoner, and the entire point of finding you would have been lost."

With a frustrated growl, the boy turned and paced away. "But I don't even know what that is!"

"You are Kaiva's only hope."

Seth whirled to face him. "I don't even know what Kavia is!"

"It is where you were born," Amerys said, trying to keep his voice low and soothing. He wasn't sure if it was working, not if the way the boy kept glaring at him was any indication. He knew he fascinated the halfling. It was as Emir said; give it time. He sighed. "It is part of you."

"That doesn't answer my question."

Amerys growled to himself and turned away. "It will have to do for now."

Seth made a frustrated noise. He watched from the corner of his eye as the boy paced. The boy's shoulders were taught with tension and frustration, his expression twisted into something confused and angry.

"That's not a decent answer," the boy muttered, expression smoothing out. Amerys turned to watch him rub a hand over his face. He was startingg to look tired. Too much at once, Amerys figured and frowned. "Why is it so important that you protect me? Who are you people?" Seth glanced from Amerys to Teren to Emir and back. "Why does she look like me?"

Amerys opened his mouth to reply, then shut it. How could explain that? He didn't have any right to do so. That was Samira's job. He scowled and looked away, glaring at the metal wall to the right. It was not his right...

"That's easy," Samira said from somewhere behind him. He tensed but didn't move, giving Seth a side-long glance. The boy looked confused. "You're my twin brother."

For a long, tense moment, Seth just stared at him. Then he sputtered, "What?"

Before he or Samira could reply, something hit the shuttle, jolting it sideways a little. Amerys hissed, stumbling into the wall. He caught a glimpse of Emir dropping his datapad and also stumbling. Seth went back down on his ass with a flurry of cursing. Somewhere behind him, Samira hissed out a curse in Kavian. Amerys clutched the wall for a moment, then pushed off it, turning quickly to stalk into the cockpit. He braced himself in the doorway as the shuttle shuddered again.

"What happened?" he demanded, looking from Suvan to Anaua and back. Suvan's gaze was firmly fixed on the navigational controls, though she glanced towards the sensor occassionally. Anaua was struggling to keep the shuttle on a steady course.

"Something hit us," Anaua grunted, black braids swinging together, beads clacking, as he struggled with the controls. "I don't know what yet. Suvan's looking into it."

Amerys turned towads his sister. "Suvan?"

She shook her head, biting a lip. "Nothing on the sensor, brother."

Amerys swore, grip tightening. A glance out the cockpit window showed the first glimpse of space he'd had in several hours. "Keep looking," he growled, and pushed off the doorway, swinging back into the passenger bay. "Teren, Emir, get him in a seat. I don't want him damaged yet."

Emir shot him a dark look but went to obey, dragging Seth to his feet. Teren had pushed up onto his feet. He grabbed the boy's arm, and both Emir and Teren got him settled on the bench. Amerys turned to check on Samira where she'd been slammed into the corner of the cockpit, near the doorway.

"You alright, Sam?"

"I'm good," she muttered, pushing off the wall. He could see that she wasn't, but decided not to comment. There was a nasty gash on her forehead, over one eyebrow. He spared Emir a meaningful look, jerking his chin towards Samira as she reached the space beside him. She gingerly touched the gash. "I don't think it needs stitches."

"Good," he muttered and swung back to face the cockpit. "Get us to the Thanatos. Before someone decides we're worth shooting out the sky!"


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99 Reviews


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Sat Jan 26, 2019 9:11 pm
Xorsudite wrote a review...



Again, a little too short for me, but nevertheless well-written. I thought it was a good idea to keep the hostages alive. Since Hakor, judging by the context clues, is likely to torture them, I wonder how much they'll be changed on a mental level. This kind of makes me wish you had delved into Alec and Sofia more before they were kidnapped; would have made their abduction all the more heart-wrenching.

See mine (notes) and /*edits*/ below.

Seth was still panicking when Amerys strode back into the passenger compartment. Samira had been unable to get him to sit down, so he'd fallen on his ass when the shuttle had taken off. He raised an eyebrow at the boy/*,*/ then exchanged a glance with Samira. She was scowling at him, and threw him a jerk of the chin.


Behind the boy, Teren tensed as if to get up. Amerys gestured discretely /*discreetly*/ for him to stay put and turned his focus back to the boy. "There is nothing wrong with us," he snapped, giving the boy an exasperated glare. "As for your friends-- (remove the space)Hakor will keep them alive as leverage. He knows you care for them. He probably heard us arguing; you were hardly quiet about it." He raised an eyebrow at him, which was met with a glare from those near-glowing blue-green eyes. He was, indeed, very close. "He knows now, and so he won't see his threats through. Not yet at least."


"That's not a decent answer," the boy muttered, expression smoothing out. Amerys turned to watch him rub a hand over his face. He was startingg (I fancy you can see what's amiss) to look tired. Too much at once, Amerys figured and frowned. "Why is it so important that you protect me? Who are you people?" Seth glanced from Amerys to Teren to Emir and back. "Why does she look like me?"

Amerys opened his mouth to reply, then shut it. How could /*he*/ explain that? He didn't have any right to do so. That was Samira's job. He scowled and looked away, glaring at the metal wall to the right. It was not his right...


"What happened?" he demanded, looking from Suvan to Anaua and back. Suvan's gaze was firmly fixed on the navigational controls, though she glanced towards the sensor occassionally /*occasionally*/. Anaua was struggling to keep the shuttle on a steady course.


Amerys turned towads /*towards*/ his sister. "Suvan?"


On to the next chapter.




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Sun Apr 30, 2017 1:13 am
Aley wrote a review...



Hey Scar!

So overall, you have my attention with this chapter, which is good since it's chapter four and usually you want things off the ground by 3 since that's all your readers will really give you before deciding if it's good or not. I like where the story is going, that all of the descriptions are done, and that the characters are clearly all familiar with one another side from this new twit who won't sit down.

I think overall the chapter is good. The general plot seems rather familiar to me. I have seen several anime that are kind of like this, one in particular that comes to mind is this one about kingdoms where someone was stolen from our dimension because they were the princess in this other dimension and had a familiar that kept them safe. It was something like the twelve kingdoms. That being said, you might want to avoid the reasons this kid is the "only hope" for the other place being things like blood sacrifice, royalty, and destiny "chosen one" stuff because that's all something I've read before/seen done before.

All in all, watch out for fragments. I didn't notice many but when you go back through this for editing, or keep writing in the future you might want to watch for things like your last spoken part up here.

"Get us to the Thanatos. Before someone decides we're worth shooting out the sky!"


This should really all be one sentence, no comma or anything is needed. You seem to have it broken up just because you added later and that can happen if you're interrupted a lot while you're writing. Re-reading can usually catch it unless you're reading it while it's still hot.

I like the tone of voice you use, and some of the descriptions of their body gestures are bland and repetitive, but they get the point across, so I'm okay with that.

And like I said, you've caught my attention so keep the ball rolling!




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Sun Apr 09, 2017 4:20 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Oh, man, the dreaded "character A explains everything the readers already know to character B" chapter. I am so bad at these.

Anyway, here I am for a review (of sorts), since I'm super far-ahead on my work and won't have anything to do this week if I do it all today. So I'm wasting time elsewhere.

So I know we're trying to keep these short because LMS, so maybe when I read on I'll find more to my satisfaction. But wow, they really did not much try to answer Seth's questions in this chapter, did they? I felt like he didn't really find out much at all except a "you're Kavian, and we know you don't know what that is, but too bad" and "here's a twin sister for you."

I think he should probably at least be told what Kavia/n is in short order, especially if they expect him to care so much. Like it's fine to be like "it's in your blood, like it or not," but for someone who grew up entirely without that and maybe not even knowing anything about it, I feel like the poor guy needs at least a little more to be going on with.

That said, kudos to you for not making this sound like an information dump or firing off question-answer/question-answer or otherwise making things feel rushed, over-explanatory, or boring. what is this sorcery how do you do it

I think I've only read this and one or two other bits, but the characterization is really solid. Like even having read only a couple parts, I had no trouble keeping track of who is who, and the characters feel consistent. Well, mostly Sam, Seth, and Amerys, who I think are basically the only people I really saw in whatever part I previously read.

Blue





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