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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Einar (First Draft)- Chapter 3

by haredrier


The sun was already setting as Einar approached the mouth of the cave where he thought the beast would be hiding. Whatever sort of creature it was it would be large and have access to some sort of fire, so attacking it in its lair would most likely lead to nothing more than a swift death for him. Scanning the icy cliff walls on either side of the cavern, he noticed a fairly large outcrop that looked sturdy enough to stand on. Approaching the cliff side, he untied the spearhead from its makeshift shaft and placed the stick underneath a strap on his back. His right arm was very weak and his head was throbbing from the icy air blowing down the mountain range, but there was no turning back now. Either he would defeat this monster in honor of his now lost village, or join them in the Aesir. He grunted in pain as he began to pull himself up the icy wall, using the ice pick in his left hand and the spearhead in his right. Finally pulling himself onto the ledge, he got to his feet and examined his surroundings once more. From up here he looked much higher than he had anticipated on the ground, and he shuddered at the thought of slipping and falling from this height. From the little light that was left in the sky, he could make out movement in the cave, as well as a faint glimmer in the darkness. Retying the spearhead to the stick and making sure his footing was secure, he took a deep breath and hurled the spear with all his might at the faint glimmer from inside the cavern. There was a moment of silence, and then the most powerful roar shook the mountains. Einar almost slipped off of the ledge as a massive burst of flames emerged from the darkness. He heard an angry growl and a scraping sound, like heavy swords dragged across rough stone, and the dragon scrambled out of the cave. Einar could see its massive spiked head and plated scales matched with huge wings and a spear embedded into one of its amber eyes. A massive jet of flames shot out of its jaw as it roared again, melting the snow and scorching the ground in front of the monster. His heart racing faster than it ever had before in his life he drew his axe, muttered a prayer to the gods and plunged off of the outcrop, falling towards the beast.

Einar grunted as he hit the base of the beast's neck with a thud. The dragon's armored exterior was smoother than he had expected, and he began to slip as it shook its head. He managed to lock the pick between two of the plates and the dragon roared once again in pain. Einar screamed too, as he was holding his entire body weight using his injured hand. The increased circulation had reopened his wound and it felt like it was burning with pain. Swinging with the axe, Einar managed to fix it under another scale and managed to regain his spot at the top of the beast's neck. Enraged by the attack, the dragon crouched down, and then leaped into the air with a massive jump. Einar held onto his pick for dear life as the dragon began to sink in the sky, and then he slammed against its body as it unfurled its massive wings and gave a massive thrust, launching it further into the sky. Einar managed to get up somewhat, and gripping the beast's neck with his legs, he pulled his axe out of the dragon and began to hack away at the spot between two of its scales. The dragon roared once again and turned midair, smashing his back against the icy cliff wall. Einar turned as he did to avoid being directly crushed, but his right arm still smashed into the cliff face. He howled with pain at the outcropping rock and ice smashing into his wound, but did not let go. He swung again, embedding the axe deep within the beast's flesh. This made the dragon roar again, launching a fireball directly into the cliff. A massive chunk of ice dislodged itself from the cliff face, and as it fell it struck the dragon directly on the head. The beast's roar died down as its wings stopped flapping mid-flight, and once again Einar held on for dear life as the dragon began to fall.

The beast crashed into the frozen tundra, and the sudden lack of movement propelled Einar forwards, axe in hand. Einar felt the axe make contact with the flesh at the back of the dragon's head, and at the same time felt indescribable pain coming from his right eye. He noticed he could not see out of it, and as he felt around he touched a large spike coming out of the back of the dragon's skull. Pulling himself backwards, he managed to remove it from his head. Sliding down the side of the dragon's neck, he landed in a pool of something warm and laid back on the beast's scales. He touched the spot where his right eye should be and found nothing, only a cavity burning with pain. He had lost all sense of touch in his right arm as well, after all there was only so much it could take. The only thing he could feel other than pain was the feel of the axe's cold, wooden handle on the fingers of his left hand. As Einar began to feel himself slipping away, he thanked the gods for granting him the strength to defeat his foe, and hoped that he would be accepted into the halls of the Aesir. Amidst all the pain, he felt calm, and reached for a dark quiet in the back of his mind as he closed his eye. He had completed his quest and avenged his village, he could die in peace now knowing he had fulfilled all that he needed to do. He felt his inner fire dimmer and begin to fade as he coughed up blood and smiled his last smile, knowing his life was complete.


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590 Reviews


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Mon Jul 25, 2016 11:53 am
Mageheart wrote a review...



Hi, haredrier! Mage here to do the long-overdue, promised review! :D This is going to be a shorter review than the other ones. Let's get to it, shall we?

You still have your awesome vocabulary, and tell an interesting story. I couldn't spot any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes this chapter besides the comma splices I mentioned last chapter. Also, the other reviewers covered the paragraph formatting, so I'm good there.

Either he would defeat this monster in honor of his now lost village, or join them in the Aesir.


Nice way to tell what the afterlife in this world is! You didn't take away from the story by slipping it in at the end of that sentence.

The dragon's armored exterior was smoother than he had expected, and he began to slip as it shook its head.


I knew it was a dragon! I love dragons. :D

He felt his inner fire dimmer and begin to fade as he coughed up blood and smiled his last smile, knowing his life was complete.


This ending took me by surprise. I finally looked at the summaries of the chapters because I was interested in finding out what you had in store for Einar. Because you have said they are up to nine chapters, my assumption is that he was either rescued or reborn. I'm putting more faith in the first of the two, but I could be wrong.

Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! Have a great day/night! :D




haredrier says...


Your assumptions were very close, the next chapter should let you know for sure. Thanks once again for your reviews, I appreciate it!



Mageheart says...


You're welcome! :D



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Mon Jul 04, 2016 12:57 am
yizhongt says...



Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a review. Let me just start by saying that I enjoyed this piece. The story flowed well and was action packed. The descriptions you used for the story are very nice as it offers the readers a vivid picture of the battle. It's not easy writing a good fighting scene, and you have. So kudos to you.

Spelling and grammar wise I did not find anything. Now like the previous reviewer has already stated, break up your paragraphs. It's easier for the reader to read the story when the paragraphs is not one massive chunk of words.

Besides paragraphing, I do not see any other problem to this piece. It's a well written pice. If I have the time, I'll go back to check on the other two chapter. Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. Keep writing!




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98 Reviews


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Mon Jul 04, 2016 12:41 am
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yizhongt wrote a review...



Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a review. Let me just start by saying that I enjoyed this piece. The story flowed well and was action packed. The descriptions you used for the story are very nice as it offers the readers a vivid picture of the battle. It's not easy writing a good fighting scene, and you have. So kudos to you.

Spelling and grammar wise I did not find anything. Now like the previous reviewer has already stated, break up your paragraphs. It's easier for the reader to read the story when the paragraphs is not one massive chunk of words.

Besides paragraphing, I do not see any other problem to this piece. It's a well written pice. If I have the time, I'll go back to check on the other two chapter. Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. Keep writing!




haredrier says...


thanks for the review, I'll keep a closer eye on formatting next time!



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Tue Jun 28, 2016 9:58 pm
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Zee6 wrote a review...



Hey,
Thanks for letting me know about this. It was short but got to point well. It didn't feel rushed. But with that I would suggest splitting up the paragraphs a little, so we can take in the story in smaller bits. The description though light fit well with the tone of the story.

I really liked how calm and clever Einar was. You would think sense he has just faced a major tragedy he would just go swinging full force without much of a plan, but your protag didn't he was very collected so well done. Also on the not of Einar he is very gusty. Just like jumping on the dragon and taking him down like that. I don't think I would be able to do that.

So in the second paragraph you use the word sink to describe the dragon lifting off (well that's at least how I interpreted it) I would suggest using the word undulate it means to rise and fall. it pretty cool word actually. Other than that I didn't see any mistakes.

Over all this was beautifully done and I'm curious are you going to continue this story or was this the end. With Einar probably dead I don't know how you would continue unless he's not dead. As always keep writing and let me know what else you publish and I'll definitely check it out.
-Zee




haredrier says...


Thanks for the review, I'll take formatting into account more next time. As for the word changes, I don't think undulate would've fit well with the way the story is but I'll think more about word choice when writing in the future.

I do intend to continue the story, you'll see what happens in the next chapter.



Zee6 says...


Awesome can't wait




Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
— Sigmund Freud