I feel like this could be a song.
A sad song. From a girl to a boy, or a boy to a girl, or whomever to whomever. There seems to be a kind of comical tone to this poem as well. It might have been written from a middle schooler's perspective, or just based off of the idea of an exaggerated silent crush.
Never the matter, I loved this!
I've actually bookmarked this along with other poems of yours, and kept meaning to leave a full review of my thoughts. You know, tie up loose ends as soooo much time has passed by before I realized it.
So, here we go!
Suggestions For Improvement:
1.) There are only 5 periods in the whole poem. No commas (which I think you said that you forgot to add) or question marks or double quotation marks or exclamation marks...you get the gist. Did you mean to really simplify the punctuation for this? I mean, not all writing works need punctuation. Sometimes it clutters up the product whereas other times it helps for organization. Maybe add the commas, and more periods? It wouldn't take too long, but could certainly improve the overall effect!
2.) The first stanza is four lines. The next is three. The third stanza is three lines, with the fourth one having four. You go: 4, 3, 3, 4. Either keep them all four lines, or remove some so it becomes all three-line stanzas. (Tip: sometimes it is easier to add lines then to try and take them out. That's what I would recommend to anyone, and what I would do.)
3.) "prince charming" and "snow whites" in stanza number four should both be capitalized. They're both based on fairy tales, and are cartoon people but still deserve capital letters.
You know how many times that I've felt this way towards a guy and even though the fantasy played on in my head, it never existed in real life? (Scratch that. You probably wouldn't know). But still, that feeling is all too familiar. Thanks for adding emotion to your story!
I loved this poem nonetheless. Thank you for posting! I hope you have a wonderful day
~ Em
Points: 529
Reviews: 54
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