Let’s say your friend, Lucy walks up to you and says you have bad posture and you need to improve it. You may become offended by this but then realize that she is telling the truth. You have been slacking a bit on your posture. You ask her on how you can improve your posture and why it matters so much. This may not happen in real life but this scenario shows what we will be focusing on in this article. Things that we will be discussing are what is bad posture, how you can improve your posture and what are the harmful effects of bad posture.
Some Background Information about Bad Posture
There are many ways people may get to poor posture. The people may have been in an accident, gotten injured or fallen from a certain height, directly or indirectly injuring their back. They may have bad sleep support or have careless sitting, standing and sleeping habits. Most of all, you could have poorly designed work space. Overall, if you have an bad posture habits, you should try everything you can so that you can stop do those habits because it could affect you negatively in the future.
Backaches and Muscular Pain
It is good to keep good posture to prevent backaches and muscular pain in the future. According to www.masschiro.org, “More than 80% of the neck and back problems are the result of tight, achy muscles brought on by years of bad posture.” The bad posture is the reason why some people have really bad back pains. Some people, my own father included, have to go to the hospital to get back surgery to try to reduce this horrid back pain because it was “killing” them! All in all, bad posture for long periods of time will cause really bad backaches and muscular pains in the future, if not treated.
Keeping Your Good Appearance
Bad posture also makes your appearance not look very good. I conducted an experiment in my class, in which I showed them some pictures of people with bad body posture. They laughed at the pictures because their physical appearance was quite humorous. In one of the pictures, the person had their chest inclined forward and their bottom stooping the other way. Another one had a person whose head was swayed very far back, making them look like a stereotypical army man. The bad body posture really affects the person’s appearance and their social life.
What Can You Do?
If you want to help with this problem, all you have to do is join the club and use good body posture! You can do this by sitting or standing up straight (no slouching!) with your knees slightly bent without crossing your legs because that can cause damage to your ankles! You can also tell your friends about this like Lucy did in the scenario in the first paragraph. Spread the good news! If you want to know more about this you can ask your local doctor questions about this topic. There is so much you can do to help!
In Conclusion…
Bad posture is really bad for you in many ways. It can cause your appearance to look bad, making other people judge you more. Also it cause you physical pain, such as, backaches and muscular pain which can lead you to the hospital! Ways to prevent bad posture is to make your work space more comfortable for you to have good body posture. For example, if you have a computer that you like to work on, you may want the screen elevated to that you can keep a straight back. You can also make sure that your posture is good by not slouching! All in all, you should try to not get in a habit that will make you have bad posture because in the end, bad posture could kill you!
KatyaElefant, hello again!
This was really good, except for the fact that this "an" should be "any".
"Overall, if you have an bad posture habits..."
And that "cause" should be "causes".
"Also it cause you physical pain..."
This story was horrifically written, and I almost gasped. I don't really slouch over, just my brother does.
-wisegirl22 
), pronouns and auxilary verbs, to name but three, are often disregarded and can be repeated as often as one wants to, but less common/more prominent words should not be repeated too much, for then it will begin to disturb the reader.Overall, if you have an bad posture habits, you should try everything you can so that you can stop do those habits because it could affect you negatively in the future.
According to www.masschiro.org...
All in all, bad posture for long periods of time will cause really bad backaches and muscular pains in the future, if not treated.
) already helps to convince the readers.
Hello darling!
To begin, your article seems to be very informal in the beginning, as you begin with a "Let's say" scenario, leading into what is effectively a laundry list of ideas. This isn't the most effective or eye-catching way to write an article, especially when you end your opening paragraph with a "this is what we'll be learning today" list.
Your first body paragraph, on the causes of bad posture, seems very much thrown-together. There isn't much elaboration on what kinds of accidents or illnesses could lead to bad posture, when you could mention injuries of the spine, scoliosis, or things in that vein, and you missed a valuable opportunity to back your argument up with logos - fact - when you were too busy focusing on the pathos - emotional response to your writing. You're very concerned with how your readers feel, which isn't always the best place to be speaking from when you're trying to write an educational article, and generally facts should be the first focus.
Your paragraph on backaches and muscular pain is very repetitive, and not in the way that emphasizes ideas - more in the way of "did you catch this the first time? Yes? Well, here it is a second and third time, just in case!" Also, when writing an informative article, one should generally avoid the personal "I" - you have no ethos, or credit, but you attempt to build some mid-essay by mentioning your father's treatment, which is not when you need the credit to be stated. This personal anecdote should be moved to somewhere in the introduction if you want to keep it, so people know that you're speaking from a standpoint that has some kind of information on back pain caused by bad posture.
Your third body paragraph simply tells people to sit up without crossing their ankles, which is valid advice, but you don't explain that after years of bad posture, standing up straight can feel awkward and straight-up painful after a while, while slouching is the 'comfortable' 'normal' position that people revert to automatically. (Speaking as a person who's had to stand up straight for four years, as a member of choir, I still revert to slouching when I don't think about it.)
Also, your conclusion paragraph is very repetitive, which I know is encouraged in some places, but it definitely won't do anything to help you when you've already repeated your point multiple times throughout the work. I honestly don't come away with any emotional response towards this article, and even though it is very well-intentioned, it just doesn't click well with the logical side of me.
Hey there! Scarlet here, as you know It's review day.
Which means...time to review!
Now first off I'll start with the nitpicks and such.
According to http://www.masschiro.org, “More than 80% of the neck and back problems are the result of tight, achy muscles brought on by years of bad posture.”
Hey there!
This is cute. I'm not really sure where you were going with this, but you write well and it was a quick and enjoyable read. I liked how it wasn't a dry listing of facts, but instead that it told a story, and it that it not only kept me engaged but added a flair of individuality to an otherwise dry topic. I also like how it's organized into different subcategories, which is a mark of professionalism on this type of piece.
The one thing I would say that's bringing this down right now is that there isn't really much of a focus. It's neutral in the first part, serious in the second part, and almost sarcastic in the last part. Thus, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to get out of it, and how I'm supposed to feel. Am I supposed to be informed about bad posture or have a good laugh? You can definitely find a middle ground if that's what you're aiming for, but I would definitely incorporate the different aspects of this a little bit more if that's the case. Maybe follow up a statistic with a snarky comment, or keep coming back to the story instead of just using it as an introduction>
I like this, though! I hope to see you develop it into something more. Best of luck, and don't hesitate to send me a PM if you have any questions.
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