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Carnation: The Assassin's Tears - Chapter 6 (Part 2)

My eyes were focused on the bank, nothing else. It was fairly empty—thank God for that—and immediately it came to my notice an open spot, perfect for the van.

As we crashed through the glass wall, my foot slammed on the brakes and I turned the steering wheel. The van swiveled violently, turning a semi-circle, causing burn marks on the marble floor. It took a while for the momentum to cease, but the vehicle finally came to a halt.

“Whoa,” Kayden breathed out, shocked.

“I didn’t know you knew how to drift!” He proceeded to tease, the puckish grin hidden underneath the mask.

I, on the other hand, was still paralyzed with shock, blankly staring out the windshield. We were facing the shattered glass from where we entered, whereas the vault was behind us.

“Remember, we’ve got to act fast,” Kayden snatched the sub-machine gun and kicked the door open.

Jumping out, he aimed his gun towards the frozen civilians and barked orders, “Put your hands in the air! One move and I’ll kill you one by one!”

Still frozen in the driver’s seat, I watched the hostages comply with Kayden’s orders. They surrendered and lined up horizontally.

Kayden’s just threatening them,’ A voice said to me, ‘He would never kill anybody.’

Snapping out of my thoughts, I equipped my M5 and exited the vehicle. My role in the robbery was to take care of the people behind the counter.

Jumping over the marble counters, my discovery was terrified workers. Some of them were crouched underneath the counters, petrified and trembling, whereas other were on the floor, their back facing the ceiling, still recovering from the shock of our outrageous entry.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” The mask disguised my voice, making it sound deeper and aggressive.

With my gun to their backs, they were brought to Kayden, who then ordered them to line up along with the other hostages. It did not pass my notice that they lined up facing the exits, their backs toward us.

“What are you doing?” The question slipped out of my mouth.

“I saw this in a TV show,” The grin was concealed underneath his mask. “The robbers had them lined up like this so it’s like a human shield, just in case the police arrive and start shooting.”

My eyes flickered with inquisition as we stared at each other for a few moments. Eventually, I gave in and released a light chuckle.

“Keep them covered.”

The subsequent step was to open the vault. Automatically, the workers became the next targets. Holding out my gun, I unintentionally made a woman cry.

“Which one of you knows how to open the vault?” Though demanding in a menacing manner was my goal, the hostile demeanor was softened by the tears of the lady.

When nobody stepped out, I called for the manager.

He hesitatingly took a step forward. The manager of Drayside Bank was a petite, tan-skinned man, dressed smartly in a formal suit with his hair slicked back. My gun moved from the workers to his temple.

“Coward,” I hissed, shoving him in the direction of the vault.

We approached the large, eight-feet-tall metal slab. The manager calmly entered the password and twisted a lever, making the metal door open automatically. It took a while, but when it was finally ajar, we stepped inside, and found ourselves standing in a medium-sized room.

Racks, reaching the height of the ceiling, surrounded the brightly-lit white room, hiding the walls from view. On these shelves were sacks, neatly arranged, with a tag attached to each of them.

“Each sack contains two hundred fifty thousand dollars. It’s written on the tags,” The man explained worriedly, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes. Obviously, he was nervous.

When I met his gaze, he hurriedly sputtered the rest of his explanation, “T-The rack to our left contains two million worth of gold bars.”

“That’s great, but we’ll just take the money,” Subconsciously, my voice softened, “We won’t be taking all of it, just as much as we need.”

He stumbled as I pushed him to rack in front of us, “You’re gonna help me throw these into the van.”

He took two sacks, whereas I just took a hold of one, and we dragged the heavy load back to the van.

As the sacks were thrown into the large space of our vehicle, I noted how pedestrians out on the street were keeping their distance from the bank. The police must have already been notified.

Anxiety built up within me as I noticed how slow I was at getting the money.

“Hey, I need more men!” I barked at my accomplice.

Kayden, noticing the unease in my voice, quickly sent a few male hostages to aid the manager in response to my request.

With their help, my energy was not needed, so I watched as they quickly loaded the van. They were doing it as fast as they could, but with each second ticking by, my patience wore out.

“Hurry up,” I growled, irritated, “This is the M5. I could kill the four of you within five seconds.”

My threat scared them and they struggled to move faster. Absent-mindedly, I took in their features. Normal, everyday civilians, dressed in formal attires, casual clothes, designer suits. The people who always met up with my father, who always arranged the meetings he had to go to.

Glad the ski mask was over my face, my lips tugged upwards into a smile, imagining the hostages as my father’s friends, and my father himself. It would be hilarious to see him scared for his life, to see him be bossed around.

By the time we had twelve sacks—which equaled to three million dollars—they returned to the hostage line.

“How much do we have?” Kayden asked, noticing me.

“Three million,” I breathed out.

He was surprised, as I could tell from his lack of response, at the large amount we had.

I was just as shocked as he was—but too much was going on for me to think about it.

Just then, Kayden’s pocket vibrated. Sliding my hand into his pocket, I took out the phone Seraphine had supplied for us, quickly answering her call.

“The police are on their way,” Her voice indicated she was amused, “They sent a lot of officers when they heard the UC Bandits have suddenly struck so unexpectedly. That Hunter girl is with them, so you should hurry.”

Before I could open my mouth, she ended the call and the line became rapid beeps.

The phone was stashed into my pocket as I hurried to the van to shut the doors at the back. Knowing the amount in our vehicle made me worried to a certain extent, because if Kayden and I get caught, the sentence will be much heavier than before.

I headed for the driver’s seat. Kayden, finally realizing what I was doing, backed away from the hostages, his gun aimed at them all the way until he reached the passenger seat.

As he shut the door, force exerted onto the pedal. A screech of the tires cut through the intense silence, followed by the burning smell of rubber, as the van dashed out of the bank.

Kayden cursed as I made a sharp turn, heading for Dean Fountain to meet with Seraphine.

It was then the phone vibrated again. The slow, steady tremor of the device annoyed me and was quickly pulled out of my pocket before it was handed to my friend.

“She’s in an underground parking lot underneath a hotel in Dean,” Kayden apprised me what Seraphine was telling him, “We should be able to see it once we make a right turn after entering the area.”

“Alright,” I nodded, listening to the soft beep as he ended the call.

And I’m gonna throw a smoke bomb. It should explode by the time the cops are on to us,” Kayden smiled mischievously as he took out a small, gray smoke bomb.

Without waiting for my response, he threw the grenade out the window just as we escaped a busy junction. The smoke bomb landed in the middle of the intersection.

Something appeared on the side-mirror, catching my attention. Somebody on a motorbike was after us, getting closer every second, and out of all the people in the city, it was Kameira.

The smoke released just as she reached the junction.

“Shit, she got caught in the smoke,” Kayden squeaked, a hint of guilt in his voice.

He stared at his side-view mirror for a few seconds, looking for any sign of Kameira, but there was none and he nervously glanced at me, “She’s not after us, Gerard. You don’t think she got hit by a car, do you?”

A small grunt escaped my lips as I made a sharp turn to the right, “She better not be dead, Kayden.”

The hotel was immediately in view, along with the entrance to the underground parking lot Seraphine had mentioned. As we descended underground into the dark, unguarded lot, Seraphine stood with a proud smile on her face, waiting for us.

“Great work, boys!” She congratulated, clapping excitedly as we exited the vehicle, “Now, go change. I’m gonna take care of the money.”

With a small whistle, a few bulky men exited a car and approached the assassin.

“Who are those guys?” I asked, pulling off my ski mask as Kayden and I retreated to a corner.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, probably some guys Seraphine hired.”

I looked around. The parking lot had no security cameras and the only visible exit was the entrance.

By the time we were dressed in casual clothing, we tossed our black attire into the van. The bulky men Seraphine appointed held the sacks over their shoulders.

“I’m sure there’s more than three million in the vault,” She frowned, “After East Uriah and Main Uriah’s banks were robbed, the city stashed the remaining money of all three banks into the Drayside’s vault. There must’ve been quite an amount in there. Why didn’t you take all of it?”

“We didn’t want the city to be broke,” Kayden replied earnestly.

Seraphine maintained her gaze, the suspicion in her eyes. However, after a few minutes, the brunette shrugged it off and faced the burly men.

“Boys, meet the UC Bandits,” She introduced us, with a smile. The fact she called these men ‘boys’ gave me the impression they respected my mentor.

“Didn’t know Carnation was cooperating with the UC Bandits,” One of the men muttered.

The other one smirked. “Juicy gossip, eh?”

“Keep your mouths shut about it,” My mentor snarled, successfully shutting them up.

She turned to the van, “Lead the bandits to the secret exit. I’m gonna light this thing up.”

We followed the five minions to the corner of the parking lot and watched as they opened a trap door we had no idea existed. The trap door was so cleverly disguised it was impossible to detect.

The five men entered first, followed by us. I was the last of them to start venturing down the wooden stairs.

Starting my descend, I glanced over my shoulder. Suddenly, the vehicle I used for my robbery exploded. Seraphine was skittering in my direction.

“Hurry up, kid!” She paced as the remaining parts of the van burned.

I quickly jumped down and landed clumsily, whereas Seraphine closed the trap door above us.

“God, that’s one heavy door,” She complained, stepping onto the damp soil of the secret passageway we were in.

“Don’t do anything funny, boys,” Her warning was meant for the five men working for her. She revealed to us a 9-mm. gun, “I’ll kill you guys if you try to steal the money.”

With a sharp glance, we were reminded the M5s were still in our possession and could be used in case of any difficulties.

Turning on a flashlight, she led the crowd.

For a few minutes, we walked down the long, narrow passageway. The atmosphere was damp and uncomfortable, whereas the air was strained with a sour smell. The tight space only added to the suffocating feeling which engulfed me as I traveled through the space.

We eventually stopped when another flight of wooden stairs came into view.

“Arrange the money into the briefcases,” Seraphine ordered the men, flashing he light on a few large suitcases readily placed at the bottom of the stairs, “They’re big enough to fit three million dollars. Arrange them nice and good, alright?”

Very soon, the men accomplished the task. Since there were only four briefcases, I carried two and Kayden carried two.

“Thanks for your services, boys. The money will be transferred to your accounts by next week,” The brunette gave a brief nod to the men, proceeding to climb the wooden stairs. She opened the hatch, climbed out and beckoned Kayden and I to follow her.

After we climbed out, leaving the five men, Seraphine closed the trap door, and it took awhile for us to realize we were in a public toilet stall. You know, those toilet stalls in shopping malls, the ones where you can lock the doors? Yeah, that one.

“Don’t tell me we’re in the ladies room,” Kayden groaned, the worry visible in his purple eyes.

“We’re in the men’s joint,” Seraphine rolled her eyes, “Let’s get out of here.”

As we exited the stall, I glanced back at the door to find the stall we emerged from had the ‘Under Repairs’ sign hung on it. With a childish smile, I wondered how long it had been there.

We followed the assassin out of the men’s restroom and found ourselves on the first floor of a shopping mall. People were bustling around, talking on their phones, carrying shopping bags, completely oblivious to the world around them. Nobody took notice of us.

“We were passing by a secret passageway built by a criminal organization three decades ago,” The emerald-eyed woman suddenly explained, bringing up the subject of the tunnel Kayden and I passed through earlier, “All of the criminals in Uriah City use it now. They’re connected to various parts of the city, but we couldn’t stay in there for long because of the lack of oxygen.”

I raised an eyebrow, “The police don’t know about it?”

“Nope,” A smirk played on her face, “Now you know why the bad guys always disappear.”

“I feel sorry for the cops,” Kayden smiled, taking the opportunity to look around, “Which part of Uriah City are we at? This mall doesn’t look familiar.”

“We’re still in Dean Fountain, boys,” She matter-of-factly said, “We’re in the mall right next to the hotel I told you to head for.”

What?!” My jaw dropped, “That means the police are nearby! How are we going to get out of here?”

“Don’t worry,” She assured, the pleasant giggles filling my ears, “You guys are going to be fine.”

As we stepped out of the shopping center, she approached a silver sports car and unlocked it, “I borrowed this beauty from a friend of mine.”

My friend and I gaped at the beautiful vehicle. It’s got to be worth millions.

We placed the briefcases in the boot before settling down in the car. I gingerly set my hands on the steering wheel and grinned, before glancing over to Kayden, who was admiring the beautifully-curved and shiny dashboard. He leaned into the seat, relaxing himself.

“You guys could escape in this luxurious thing,” Seraphine smiled, giving me a pat on the back, “You two earned it for making the robbery a success. I’m getting out of here with my bike, so you should just head back to the training grounds.”

She fell silent for a few seconds, “Oh yeah, and don’t worry about the roadblock up ahead. The cops have this thing for fancy sports cars.”

“Hey, we couldn’t have pulled the whole thing off if it wasn’t for you,” Kayden uttered, his lips curved into a genuine, grateful smile, “Thanks, Sera.”

Our mentor didn’t say another word and walked away, approaching her familiar-looking black motorcycle. As I watched her retreat, I wondered whether she realized I had called her ‘Sera’ instead of ‘Seraphine’.

I stepped on the pedal and drove away. Just as she warned, there was a roadblock close to the parking lot due to the recent robbery, and policemen were slowing down vehicles to search for possible suspects.

And, just like Seraphine had told us, the officers didn’t bother to look at Kayden and I because of our vehicle. They let us pass once they saw the silver sports car, filling us with a strong sense of relief and victory as we drove away from the blockade.

We approached the training grounds half an hour later, and Seraphine was standing outside the gates with a stranger. We stepped out of the car and the stranger looked at us with his eyes narrowed.

“So, these two young men are the UC Bandits?” He smirked, looking impressed. After a few moments, we shook hands and he nodded, “It’s an honor to meet you two.”

“Boys, this is Ramsey Journ,” The assassin introduced, “He leads an organization which steals expensive automobiles all over the country. He’s the owner of the car you just used.”

“Thanks for your help,” I smiled as Kayden returned to the car to get the briefcases.

“Anything for a fellow thief,” He grinned before jogging over to help my blonde friend who was having trouble with the cases full of money.

After twenty minutes, Journ left and the three of us were sitting on the training mat in the field.

“Remember boys, tomorrow is the 25th of February,” Seraphine suddenly said as she opened the briefcases, revealing a beautiful sight or neatly-stacked American dollars.

“Tomorrow, you two will pay the money to the loansharks and ensure Adara’s safety, right?” We nodded in reply and she smiled, “Great! Because, I know that tonight, Nathan is going to call you.”

Kayden raised an eyebrow, “How do you know?”

Come on, he’s a psychopath who wants control over everything. He’ll be angry to why you robbed the bank without his supervision, so he’ll force you two to come to a location to meet with him.”

“And when we’re with him, you’ll be around?” I guessed. The brunette nodded.

“Wow, that just really convinced me he’s connected to us in a way,” Kayden whistled, impressed, before glancing up at Seraphine, “All this time I just thought you were just wasting your time trying to get information of him from us.”

She frowned in annoyance for a few moments, before releasing a sigh.

Anyway, Darr—I mean, Nathan, would probably try to kill you guys with his .38-caliber,” She said, and I felt fear surge throughout my whole body.

Noticing my frightened expression, she smiled and assured, “Don’t worry, Gerard. He’s my target, remember?”

“So, while you’re busy killing him, we’ll run away?” Kayden guessed.

Seraphine nodded.

“Alright, then. Call up the loansharks and arrange the meeting for tomorrow,” She ordered, stretching, “We’re gonna be too busy tonight to do anything else.”

I gulped. Despite being scared, I held the utmost faith in Seraphine.

I know she won’t let Nathan pull the trigger on us.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
ExOmelas
Review

Hi, it's such a shame that both this and the other part of this chapter are still in the Green Room. After review day, I think I'll go back through this novel. It's really good.

'whereas other were on the floor' - you have forgotten the 's' at the end of 'others'.

'him to rack in front of us' - there should be an 'a' between 'to' and 'rack'. Or 'the'. 'the' would also work.

'UC Bandits have suddenly struck so unexpectedly.' - 'have' should be 'had'.

'and I get caught' - 'get' should be 'got'.

'A screech of the tires cut through the intense silence, followed by the burning smell of rubber, as the van dashed out of the bank.' - at a scene of this much panic, I'm not sure there would be very much silence.

'whereas Seraphine closed the trap door above us.' - I think 'whereas' should just be 'as'.

'awhile' - 'a while' is two words.

'It’s got to be worth millions.' - it should be 'It had to be worth millions'. (Except with the italics you have in it that I just can't figure out how to do in a review).

'I wondered whether she realized I had called her ‘Sera’ instead of ‘Seraphine’.' - erm, it was Kayden who said that, not Gerard.

'beautiful sight or neatly-stacked American dollars.' - you put 'or' instead of 'of'.

'He’ll be angry to why you robbed the bank without his supervision' - I think there's a word missing between 'to' and 'why'.


Okay, wow I loved this part even more. You have the balance between action and characterisation down perfectly. I have never felt so much sympathy towards a bank robber, especially at the part where Kayden said he didn't want the city to be broke.

Remember, use commas in speech when the next verb is a speech verb. Use an exclamation mark or a question mark in place of a comma at the appropriate moments. And use a full stop when the next verb is not a speech verb e.g. nodded. Also, lowercase for 'he's and 'she's after speech. (," she said. / ," he said.)

Well done again! :)

Thanks for your advice! Its the first time somebody pointed that out concerning the dialogue. I'm really flattered you liked it! :)

You're welcome :)

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hello Brunnera, Wolf here for a review of your fabulous work.

I'm sorry to say, but I'm not going to give very much criticism for this work. I didn't notice any glaring grammar or spelling mistakes and if there were some, I was too engrossed in the story to notice them. Though I haven't read any previous parts, other than the part right before this, I still followed along quite easily. I really don't think there was a spot where I had to stop and think about what was going on.

You do a fantastic job of showing the relation ships between each character believably. Your development of them is just really well done. Even being plopped right into the middle of the action, I can get a sense of the personalities of their mentor and Kayden. I also really like how you add the doubt in the Narrator's mind (I saw his name somewhere, I just can't remember it) because it adds another layer of reality. I assume they already have a name for themselves so they have some experience with crime, but he is still hesitant in everything he does in the robbery.

I usually find myself nagging on people about showing not telling, but here you do just that, and I commend you for that, because that is no easy feat, but it comes easy with practice. Awesome job, and I hope to have time to go back and read more. Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare

Image

Showing without telling was something I'm not used to. And personally, I'm proud of this chapter, and I'm so happy you found it interesting and well-written! :D
Thank you so much for your compliments and honest review!

User avatar
IcyFlame
Review

Hey, Icy here for review day!
I actually really enjoyed this! I don't mean to sound surprised, but my review day has so far been filled with a lot of grammar nitpicks and telling people that they need to show rather than tell... but you've managed to sort out all of that and it's really nice to read :)

I'm not sure how good my review is going to be here because I haven't read much more of this. I have added it to my list though, and when I don't just have one day off I intend to read the rest of it.

I'll start by commenting on your characters I guess, because for me that's what really drives a novel. You could have the world's greatest, funniest and most interesting protagonist and it wouldn't matter if they didn't have a group to get up to mischief with. I particularly like the character of Kayden. He definitely adds to the story and I'm glad you included him. You're doing a good job of balancing out the other characters with your main character - remember to stick to that!

The only thing I did notice in the way of errors is that you've occasionally switched tense whilst writing. For example:

It’s got to be worth millions.

This should be in past tense. The same applies also to your very last line.

Other than a few mistakes that can easily be corrected I really enjoyed this and I look forward to the next part (after I've gone back and read the beginning of course).
Over and out!

Oh, I always mix up my tenses at some point xD Thanks for pointing it out, and I'm flattered that you like my characters. When I started writing, people commented on how the characters were bland, and it took a lot for me to fix them up.
Thank you! Your review totally made my day :)



You are beautiful because you let yourself feel, and that is a brave thing indeed.
— Shinji Moon