Published June 28, 2014
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Chapter 7
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Seraphine:
Stab
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Kicking off my boots at the entrance of home, I closed the door behind me before glancing up at the wall clock.
The robbery, executed at 1.30 pm, was a declared success around 2.45 pm. It was currently 3.30 pm and my two apprentices had already returned to their hotel, whereas I had to prepare for my encounter with Nathan.
My target was the typical, cold-hearted serial murderer. His dark side was cleverly hidden from the people around him and he always managed to control his desire to kill until the 24th of every month. There was a reason he killed on that certain date.
And today was the 24th of February.
No innocent lives will be claimed this month. My target will be too furious with Gerard and Kayden.
Whether it was realized or not, I’ve purposely planned for their second robbery attempt to happen today, on Nathan’s special day. That was because, if their second attempt was a success (and it already was), the next victim my target had in mind would be safe. Why?
Because Nathan would be too enraged with Gerard and Kayden to even think about killing anybody tonight. Not only have the UC Bandits robbed a bank without his surveillance, but they’ve done so on his special day.
Before leaving the training grounds, I asked Gerard and Kayden if the loan sharks knew where they lived, and they said no.
After taking a bath and helping myself to some chocolate, I lied down on the sofa and switched to the news channel.
“We are reporting live from Dean Fountain, right in front of The Paradise Hotel’s parking lot,” A reporter said into the microphone in her hands.
Behind her, crime scene investigators, officers and firemen were bustling about, whereas civilians crowded behind the yellow police tape, staring curiously at the busy scene.
“The UC Bandits have struck again,” The excitement in her voice betrayed her hard expression.
“They entered the Drayside Bank around 1.30 pm today with a vehicle. Rumor has it all of the money from the vaults of the first three banks raided by the UC Bandits have been transferred to Drayside, in fear the robbers would attack the first three places once again. Unfortunately for the people, the professional duo somehow managed to procure this very sensitive information and attacked Drayside.”
A chuckle escaped my lips. To describe the two boys as ‘professional’ amused me.
Just as Kameira complained, Gerard and Kayden were amateurs. If it wasn’t for me, three million dollars wouldn’t even be by their side. All they did was execute the robbery. The information? The plan? The equipment? It was all me.
“This daring second attempt by the UC Bandits is a shock for the authorities,” She looked around, probably searching for somebody to interview.
After a few minutes, the reporter smiled and the camera followed where she pointed, “There’s Detective Hunter, one of the most active in the case. She’s being treated by paramedics.”
My amusement vanished. Paramedics?
The reporter approached my sister as soon as the paramedic left her side.
“Detective Hunter, anything to apprise us of, concerning today’s robbery?” The microphone was held to my sister’s mouth.
“Not much, but they’ve greatly improved over a short period of nine days,” She said formally, releasing a pained and disappointed sigh.
The camera focused on her bandaged forearm. Noticing the severity of her wound, I frowned in worry.
“How did you get injured, detective?”
Kameira grimaced, “When I was chasing them, they threw something onto the road, and I got caught in the smoke that the device released.”
“If I’m not mistaken, it released in the middle of a busy junction, am I right?”
“That is correct,” She nodded lightly, “Momentarily blinded, a car ran into me and I was thrown off of my motorbike,” Her eyes strayed from the camera as her expression changed into that of exasperation, “And because of the accident, it blocked the road and slowed down the team from the Bandits.”
“Detective Hunter, is it true the robbers were last seen entering this parking lot?” The reporter questioned.
My sister nodded before sighing, “I haven’t the slightest idea what was found down there, but I do know there’s no sign of the Bandits. And that’s all I could tell you for now.”
The journalist nodded and walked away, camera following her, “And there you have it. The UC Bandits have greatly improved since their last robbery on 15th of February.”
I turned the TV off and fell silent for a few minutes. I didn’t know Kameira was injured.
Why was Kameira treated an hour aftera car ran into her? The more I thought about it, the more anger pervaded me. Why didn’t they make her safety, well, at least the second-top priority? She got hit by a car. What if she broke her arm or landed on her head? She could’ve been in a hopeless condition by the time the police realized Gerard and Kayden disappeared.
Picking up my phone, I dialed my sister’s number. When she picked up, the first thing I did was release a small sigh, “Mei, I just watched the news. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, Sera,” Her pleasant giggle filled my ears and assured me. “Just bruises and some deep cuts on my right arm.”
“How bad is the injury?”
“It’s not so serious, but it burns,” She admitted, “I…I never thought asphalt would hurt so much. The paramedic said I’ll be fine, though, and all a few days to heal is all I need.”
Relief replaced my worry. “That’s good to hear. Are you getting a few days off?”
“Yeah, Captain Dret gave me until 1st of March, excluding today and tomorrow.”
“Strange, but better than nothing,” I smiled.
“Sera, don’t hang up just yet,” My sister blurted, stopping me from pushing the red button. A small giggle came from me as my ear returned to the receiver.
“You know, you don’t have to be as protective over me as before, sis,” Kameira sounded like a child. “I’m all grown-up now, so you don’t need to worry yourself sick over a bruised arm.”
“I’m so used to it, it’s automatic.”
“Oh, and I just remembered something else,” She suddenly lowered her voice, “Today’s the 24th. What’s up?”
“I’ve managed to track him down,” I told her and glanced up at the clock, “So you don’t worry about him. You have Carnation’s guarantee, there aren’t going to be any child deaths this month.”
“Well, I trust you, Sera,” I could feel the warmth of Kameira’s winsome smile, “Love you, sis. Talk to you later.”
“If you’re coming home early, I won’t be home,” I quickly informed her before smiling, “Bye, Mei.”
The call ended.
It was already 3.50 pm. I instructed Gerard and Kayden earlier to call me immediately after Nathan contacted them, which I’ve predicted should be now.
Considering the news of the UC Bandits’ robbery was recently broadcasted, I was sure everybody in the city knew now, including my target. Nathan must be walking around in circles, enraged and disoriented, calculating the most painful way possible for the UC Bandits to die.
Fifteen minutes later, my cellphone rang and Kayden’s number was flashing on the screen.
“Hello?”
“You were right,” Kayden sputtered, anxious and distraught, “He wants to meet Gerard and I under the flyover at Sunner Tunnel, 9 pm tonight. And I could tell he was angry—wait no, that’s an understatement. He wanted to kill us. What should we do?”
“Just relax,” I assured him, “Bring the sub-machine guns, just in case. Once you’re nearing the flyover, take the M5 out but hide it from his view.”
“What will he do to us?” Kayden sounded less tense now.
“He’ll probably talk to you first. At some point he’ll reach for his gun, and that’s where I come in.”
“You’ll stay close?”
“Close enough,” My lips curved into an assuring smile although I knew he couldn’t see me, “Don’t worry, kid. I’ve got your back.”
He released an indistinct sigh of relief.
“When I come out of hiding, you boys should do me a favor,” I wandered into my room, “Pretend you boys don’t know me. Pretend you’re confused. Take a few seconds, before you boys pretend to finallyrealize I’m on your side, then quickly leave. That sounds alright?”
“Yeah, sure.” Kayden sounded indifferent.
“Okay, then. You boys just prepare for tonight and remember what you’re supposed to do.” I felt his honest nod and ended the call.
Tossing my phone onto my bed, I found myself staring into the floor-length mirror.
The brunette in the mirror looked so excited. Her eyes gleamed with confidence and exhilaration, the edge of her pink lips curved upwards into a light smile, her fingers twitched with thrill.
Imagine the feeling of putting my hands around his neck, squeezing until I heard the sweet sound of a breaking bone. Satisfaction would not describe what I might feel.
After opening a secret compartment in my wardrobe, I stared at the contents—the black boots, black tights, black tank top and the red armor.
Bringing Carnation’s assassination apparel out of the compartment, I put them on my bed.
.
There was a comfortable spot behind the thick bushes next to the flyover in Sunner Tunnel. As I sat down, legs crossed, I observed the area.
The highway in Sunner Tunnel was a very lonely place. Since a new highway was built in East Uriah, this one was quickly abandoned.
Nothing stirred in the quiet environment. There was no breeze or wind; the air was still and strained with unbearable silence, in which not even the sounds of crickets were audible. Thick, dark clouds blocked out the stars in the sky, and the brilliant city lights were faint from where I sat.
Underneath the flyover was almost darkness, since most of the lights provided were broken or stolen by the irresponsible. Moonlight seeped in through the long, thin space between the two roads above, providing a white curtain of light slicing through the middle of the dark area below.
It was 9.25 pm. Nathan should be arriving earlier than Gerard and Kayden.
Loading my silenced handgun, I watched for any cars. After a few more minutes in the intense and dreary silence, a pair of headlights in the distance successfully caught my attention.
It was regular car, grey in colour. Slowly, it approached the flyover, its tinted windows disabling me from identifying the driver. The plate number, on the other hand, was missing.
The car stopped in the shadows, just a little after the flyover. A curse came from me since it was parked to far for me to see.
In the powerful silence, the sound of the door creaking open was easily detected. The door closed with a slight click before something shifted in the pitch-black area.
The fact my target enjoyed the dark riled me. It made my job harder than it already was.
Although Nathan had already exited his vehicle, his footsteps were silent. The only way I knew he was moving was the distinct movement in the shadows.
A few moments later, there was no more movement.
Withdrawing my gun, I laid down on the grass with my back facing the sky. The lack of movement was a sign Nathan was observing his surroundings and it would do no good if he spotted me.
A click echoed into the still night as he inserted bullets into his .38-caliber. He was prepared for his encounter with the UC Bandits. I was confident Nathan had yet to notice my presence.
Just minutes later, another pair of headlights glared in the distance. It was soon revealed to be a yellow sedan. The vehicle stopped on the opposite side of the road before my two apprentices emerged from it.
By the look on their faces, they were worried and indecisive. Closing the doors of the sedan, the boys looked around.
“Uh…hello?” Gerard called out, confused.
Kayden pointed out to the grey car in the shadows and the dark-haired boy observed the darkness. “We know you’re here, Nathan. What do you want?”
I watched. There was a few seconds of silence.
My target dragged his feet against the road as he walked forward, stepping out of the complete dark. Much to my dismay, the faint light was not enough to shed on the face of the child murderer, so his facial features remained concealed.
The men had a staring contest for a few minutes, which seemed like hours to me, before Nathan finally started to talk.
“Do you know what you idiots have just done?” His voice was calm and stable, yet deep and intimidating. In fact, he sounded a bit familiar.
“Um…I think we robbed a bank?” Kayden replied sarcastically.
“Don’t play with me,” Nathan snarled, his sudden change of tone frightening. The two robbers did not move, un-intimidated, as he growled, “You know what date it is today?”
The look in Kayden’s eyes changed into that of fear. Gerard noticed this and calmly replied, “24th of February. It isn’t the deadline yet, right?”
Nathan chuckled. “No, it isn’t.”
“Then, why are we here?” The hazel-eyed boy continued, pretending he didn’t know anything.
After a few moments of concerning silence, Nathan withdrew his gun—automatically sending Kayden’s hand behind his back, probably for his M5. The .38-caliber aimed for the duo as they took a cautious step back, ready to take flight if Nathan started shooting.
“Are you scared?” The psychopath chuckled once again, his finger gingerly touching the trigger, “It was a bad idea to rob a bank without my knowledge, you know. Especially when you’ve done so on the 24th. Don’t you know how special today is?”
That was my cue.
Discreetly, I exited the bushes, skittering soundlessly towards the three men with the pistol in my hand. Once the distance between my target and I was reduced, I leaned against the wall to avoid detection.
Unable to see what was happening, I depended on my hearing to figure the situation.
My target released a chuffed chuckle and the soft, dangerous click came again. A shuffle of footsteps indicated Nathan moved forward.
“Stay back!” Kayden shouted, his fear evident.
“Oh, so you’ve brought your gun?” Nathan sounded slightly surprised, “You two boys have indeed improved since your last robbery. I didn’t expect to be faced with the M5.”
“And we’ll keep getting better, you bastard!” The blonde hissed, his feet making a scraping sound as stepped back, “If you get any closer, I swear I’ll pull the trigger!”
With a few quick breaths, I stepped out of hiding and aimed at Nathan’s vague figure. Somehow, my presence was immediately noticed and he quickly disappeared into the shadows. My bullets strayed from him as they dashed through the air.
Kayden and Gerard glanced at each other, ran into their vehicle and fled the scene.
With the possibility of Nathan shooting me from the shadows, I intruded his hiding place and instantly received the movement in the dark, the rustling of his clothes and the sound of his footsteps, as he hastily got out of my way.
My eyes followed him as he ducked behind his car to avoid the bullets I fired. The windows of his car shattered and the glass scattered on the ground.
The darkness was blinding. The only way for us to detect each other was through the indistinct movements in the gloom. His gun clicked and I braced myself for a bullet.
As he stood up from hiding, I automatically jumped forward, landing on the harsh road. As I bumped my head against the door on my way down, the shot erupted into the air and the metal projectile flew past above my head.
Glad at the near miss, I waited and listened. His breathing was heavy, and the aura released was tense and anxious. He was curious to where I had gone.
My gun was kept away and the dagger claimed its place in my hand. Taking advantage of Nathan’s surprise, I took the time to figure out our locations. I was leaning on the left side of his car, whereas he was directly on the opposite side, which meant we were fairly close to each other.
Getting on my knees, I crawled stealthily, careful to not make a sound.
Once I found myself directly in front of the car, Nathan startled me as he made his way around his vehicle, approaching the bonnet.
Seconds later, his feet appeared around the corner of the car. I looked up—he was blankly staring ahead, unable to see me as I was in a toddler-like position, in addition to being cloaked in the dark.
He cautiously continued. Within seconds, he was directly in front of me.
My dagger raised and planted itself into his shin.
He howled in pain, his startled scream breaking the strained air. As he took a few moments to tolerate with the hurtful sensation inflicted on him, I got to my feet and threw a punch to his stomach. His gun dropped out of his hand, blood was coughed from his mouth, and he stumbled back, stunned by the surprise attack.
“I remember, Nathan,” A smirk crossed my face as he continued to step back, nearing the white curtain of light which sliced through the dark area. Just a few more steps and the moonlight would shed on his face.
He remained silent and pressed a hand against his stomach. He was facing the ground, panting, his short, quick breaths indicating the immense pain.
“I planted the blade in your abdomen nine days ago,” I continued, “I know it was deep. It must really hurt that I’ve re-opened that wound, huh?”
My target didn’t say anything. He knew I was right.
I observed him for a few seconds. He didn’t look up.
Impatience led me to drive a knee into his stomach.
He coughed out more blood and fell backwards, into the light. Falling into a sitting position on the floor, he kept facing downwards. The lower-part of his face was covered in blood, along with his torso and right leg. Despite him being in the light, I only saw his mouth, for the rest of his face was obscured by his long, messy hair.
It was then I noticed his hair was a bit auburn instead of dark brown. He was messy, with his hair reaching slightly past his shoulders, looking unwashed and riddled with dirt.
“Why do you kill children?” I asked blankly.
He remained silent. After a few seconds, his lips formed a weak smirk and released a chuckle, sputtering out some blood in the process. “Is this why you’re after me?”
Why was he laughing? The thought flared my anger. Rage fueled the force in my foot as I kicked him in the face, hard.
The brown-haired man gasped sharply at attack. His hands flew to his face, yet the stubbornness to not fall backwards remained.
Instead of cursing or growling, he caught me off guard with a deep, amused chuckle, “You’re a very strong woman, Seraphine.”
I froze. I became disconnected. How did he know my name?
Nathan took the opportunity of my state of shock to get up and stumble forwards, literally stumbling past me. Bending down, he gasped slightly as the dagger was pulled out from his shin, before standing up to look at me.
“A beautiful woman who leads two lives,” He hissed, throwing my dagger away from us. The clink of the metal in the distance made it obvious my dagger was out of reach.
I caught myself quickly and withdrew the gun from the holster. I turned around to aim at my target, only to be prevented as Nathan grabbed my arm.
“No you don’t, my pretty,” He whispered, paralyzing me with fear.
I couldn’t see him despite being directly in front of him, and the fact my name was a part of his knowledge drained my confidence to my attacks.
The grip on my arm tightened to the point it hurt and was directed upwards, which meant the gun was directed upwards as well.
Suddenly, an acute pain attacked my stomach and snapped me out of my fear. The gun dropped out of my hand as I gasped sharply.
He grabbed my hair, messing my bun, and ferociously pulled my head up—before landing an uppercut to my jaw.
He didn’t release the hold on my hair, even after he punched me, and I spat out blood. Bending down to face me, he smirked—I couldn’t see it, but I knew—and said, “Where did you learn these techniques? No normal woman would be able to throw a punch like you did earlier without special training.”
I growled and drove my knee into his stomach for the second time. He relinquished the grip on my hair and some of his blood dropped on my boots and pants. As he stumbled, I glared at his vague figure. Furious he laid his hand on me.
A simple tacke made him lose his balance, crashing to the ground. I grabbed and pulled his left arm and pressed a foot against his neck. The heel of my boot pressed against his neck whereas my sole rested on his cheek.
Nathan was startled by the strange position I put him in. “W-What’re you—“
“One move and I’ll break your neck!” I snarled, applying pressure into my leg. If I held his arm firmly and pushed his face in the opposite direction in a great velocity, the pressure and speed would be enough to break his neck, thus killing him.
Nathan was silent, trying to visualize and understand the position we were in. After a few moments, he chuckled, “Seraphine, do you know who I am?”
“One of those psychotic bastards I really want to get rid of,” I growled.
“Aw, you’re so rough on me,” He said, sounding like a petulant child, “You don’t have to be so mean.”
The way he spoke only flared my anger to the point it became impalpable. He was mocking his victims. His victims were children, and I knew he was speaking to me the same way they pleaded to him to spare their lives.
Oh, how I wanted so much to kill him. But I couldn’t—his attacks rendered me slightly weak, and my current strength was insufficient for me to carry out the technique and break his neck.
Suddenly, a click came from him. Widening my eyes, I let go of his arm and jumped back at the exact same moment a bullet was fired upwards—and it would’ve penetrated my face if I hadn’t dodged.
Nathan rose into a sitting position and revealed to me that he, somehow, had retrieved his .38-caliber. Probably he took it when he took the knife out of his leg.
He stood up and smirked at me. I couldn’t see him—but I knew he had a smug smirk on his bloody face. He chuckled and I gritted my teeth in frustration, “Tell me, Seraphine, am I the first person to have escaped from such a deadly position?”
I said nothing (because I didn’t want to admit he was right) and continued to glare blankly at the darkness.
“Don’t worry, Carnation,” He assured menacingly, moving his gun away from me, “I would never shoot one of the world’s best assassins. People like you are worth keeping alive.”
“Bastards like you should rot in hell,” I spat out.
With a chuckle, his hand took out a key from his pocket.
“I should be going now,” He quickly opened the door of his car, receiving a wince from me, “It’s nice to know I’m being targeted. At least I’ll have some worthy competition.”
While coping with the pain, I bended to pick up the gun at my feet as the grey car roared to a start.
Unfortunately, Nathan slammed on the pedal and the bullet missed him, penetrating the back-seat window instead of the driver’s window. As he sped away, I continued shooting but missed the vehicle’s tire, my perception blurry because of his attacks.
Frustration mixed with anger settled in my chest as a small sigh escaped my lips.
Looking over my shoulder, I analyzed the scene, discovering the little pools of blood from our brief fight. With a cotton bud, I took a swab of the blood on my pants, confident it belonged to Nathan.
Conjuring a tissue from the other pocket, the cotton bud was wrapped in it. Just a little bit of blood was enough for me to test his DNA. With this, I’ll be able to compare my target’s DNA with the Nathan who died three years ago. And who knows? Maybe it’ll match a convicted criminal.
As the tissue was neatly tucked away into my pocket, it began to pour. The thick, dark clouds which hung in the sky were there for a reason after all.
Blankly, I watched as the blood washed away, seeping into the drain by the side of the road, removing all evidence a fight ever happened there.
I found my dagger a few seconds later and allowed the rain to wash off Nathan’s blood—and smiled when the knife glinted in the moonlight.
“Seraph,” I subconsciously read my nickname engraved in the blade.
I didn’t know how my target knew my name, and it was unlikely he saw my nickname carved on my dagger. Besides, he knew my name before he pulled the knife out of his shin.
Reaching home, it was discovered Kameira had yet to return. I entered my room and stared at the mirror, to learn of the bruised stomach and sore jaw due to the attacks. My scalp still ached and my hair was in disarray.
I undid my bun and took the safely-wrapped cotton bud out of my pocket. Alora Herrings was one of my friends working in the labs, and surely she would help without any questions.
After a bath, I stole a chocolate bar from the kitchen.
Whoever my target was, he was very strong, smart and sly, not to mention secretive over his features. I’m embarrassed to admit he was the first person to ever escape from me after I appear to him in person.
Katherine had no qualms about my one million dollar charge. She didn’t care, as long as he was dead, and was willing to wait until the job was done.
With a yawn, the clock made a small click, catching my attention. It was 10 pm.
The encounter with Nathan was something far beyond expectation. He was much, much harder than I thought.
My jaw ached, interrupting the train of thought.
For some comfort, I listed down the wounds inflicted on Nathan. An open stab wound to the leg, multiple hits to a deep injury on the abdomen, nearly-twisted neck, a broken nose or a black eye…
After some struggling, I got on my feet and entered my room, looking for my phone. Turning the device on, I discovered I had a few missed calls, all coming from Gerard. I smiled slightly—it was nice to know they cared about my safety.
Kameira was not returning home. She would only return tomorrow night to begin her convalensce.
After locking the door and turning off the lights, I shuffled into bed to fall asleep.
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Canary word: Present
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Hello, rhia here to review. I'm going to start off by saying that I haven't been following this novel, so I'm only going to review from an editing point of view; sentance correction, grammar, spelling, atc.
So let's get to it!
Times should have a colon between them, not a period. It should read 1:30, 2:45, and 3:30.
The past tense of "lie down" is "lay down", not lied down
Should say "I had[/] instructed Gerard and Kayden earlier to call me immediately after Nathan contacted them, which I’ve predicted should be now."
Should read, "Rumor has it [b]that all of the money from the vaults of the first three banks raided by the UC Bandits have been transferred to Drayside,"
You could write this a little smoother, the lines are really disjointed and choppy at times. You should make use of more transitions between different paragraphs, because I felt like I was just jumping from paragraph to paragraph, wjjich wasn't helped by how short each paragraph was.
Thank you! I'll fix the errors straight away
The first sentence, I usually wouldn’t complain about the linked up actions, but it’s an opening sentence, and you have too many things going on. Chop it up and add some descriptions maybe.
You need a bit more before you say “my target was this.” Show her getting the mission, by letter or by word. See, I don’t even know how she got the assignment, it means you really need a sentence or two more to introduce it. (Unless of course it was introduced in the previous chapter, which I kind of, sort of, haven't read.)
“His dark side was cleverly hidden from the people around him and he always managed to control his desire to kill until the 24th of every month.” There’s something fishy about this statement. First I’d read up more on serial killers. Second well he clearly hasn’t managed his desire since he kills every flipping month. That’s not very rare when it comes to well… killing. Now you can state that he was killing every 24rth for some weird serial killer logic reason, and that he had managed to leave the people around him clueless by putting up whatever front he’s putting up, but not that he kills and is hidden. Grasp the subtle difference?
Keep your narration in the same tense throughout.
Your transitions can be a bit abrupt at times, make sure your scenes are properly concluded before moving on. (Man I find myself saying that a lot these days).
You clearly have your plan and structure but the story is a bit too hard to follow at times. Just sit down, relax and tell the story, think of how to present it in a flowing, clear manner. Describe more, and introduce every scene and every character. Not with too much, just a sentence here, a word there, so we know where we are, what is happening, who is talking, and why, at every step of the way.
Careful with repetitions, both words and actions.
Aw, mirror scene, cute. (You shouldn’t really need one here. Show her excitement through her actions. Showing appearance is one thing, moods and emotional states need to come across through the narrative, not be stated.)
If the target enjoyed the dark, why not get night vision goggles? If there are funds for silencers and hand guns, there must be for night vision too.
“Discreetly, I exited the bushes, skittering soundlessly towards the three men with the pistol in my hand.” There’s something odd about this sentence. Look it over. First you have two adverbs, which is not advised, and then exiting the bushes discreetly? Yeah…
I haven’t really read other chapters of this story, and this is based on my ignorance, but the title is about assassins, and the current assignment is assassination, so why are they also robbing stuff? Is it part of the skill? The training? Because assassins don’t generally rob. You have hired guns and whatever that do both. But "assassin" implies people who are hired to perform political executions.
Finally, the chapter is a bit overlong, I’d cut it in two if I were you. Else, action is nice. I’d revise sentence structure and flow though, can be clumsy at times.
So nicely done, keep up the good work.
Thank you for your constructive review! It held advice I desperately needed for this piece.
The plot is quite complicated, which would explain why the first three chapters are more on technical instead of exciting, since it builds up the plot. And I'm so used to writing it really long, I'll be sure to cut it in two.
I'll fix the errors as soon as I could. Thanks!