Young Writers Society

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
First of all, welcome to YWS and congrats on making the literary spotlight on your first full day! Wow!

Great usage of enjambment other than the first line. It's hard to keep enjambment consistent, but you did it– and all while writing a sonnet, too!
I'm really impressed with the quality of this sonnet you've got here. It's seriously just well-written from start to finish. Let me see if I can be specific about what I like.
I'm not always a fan of cheesy similes, but you made "flutter like a dove," sound completely normal.
You did a fabulous job with the rhyme scheme. I mean, "attention," and "intention"? That's some serious rhyme talent right there. Lord knows I couldn't do it.
The couplet at the end was really good, but not a dazzling finish. I don't think you particularly need a dazzling finish anyway, since the tone of your poem is pretty mellow, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Overall, I don't know what else I can say! It's just a great poem! I give it eight stars out of ten because it was just that good. Keep writing!

I liked this poem. This is very well written and I thought that you had a good grasp on the poem writing. You should be careful with your punctuation, spelling and grammar everyone makes mistakes with that even I do it so you are not the only one do not want about that. You created very good imagery which allowed me to picture what was going on that is a sign that your writing wasn't too bad. Nice job. If you fix up the things that myself and others have said then your story will not be good but it will be great. Keep up the good work i cannot wait for what is in store next time.

I thought you had a lot of great content and feeling in this poem! A sonnet, however, is typically written in four stanzas of four lines (quatrain), and one stanza of two lines (couplet). You have the rhyming scheme down, as well as the format. But for each line, in a sonnet, the lines are typically written in iambic pentameter, which basically means each line has ten syllables. I love your poem, and if you want to make it a sonnet, edit it this way and it will be even better! Keep up the great work!

Hi there! Welcome to YWS!

The truth is, if you want this to be a sonnet, there's going to be quite a bit of rewriting going on. Iambic pentameter is one of the staples of the sonnet, and you don't use it in this poem.

Iambic pentameter is the alternating of stressed and unstressed syllables, in a line with five stressed syllables. That means that you have to have five unstressed syllables, which in turn means that there should be ten syllables in a line, alternating between stressed and unstressed syllables.

A stressed syllable is the one with the most emphasis. For example, my username, magpie, carries the stress in the first syllable. You say MAG-pie, not mag-PIE. It would sound weird! And the pie is the unstressed syllable.

Looking through your poem, you only have one line that has ten syllables in it at all. And that is the first one. Let's start there. First, I'll identify the stresses, then we'll look at how to rework it so it fits into iambic pentameter. The bolded words are stresses.

What is there to say, about you my love?

Filling me with desire and feelings of yearn

Greetings Eferhilda!
Firstly I would like to welcome you to YWS! May you enjoy every moment on this website!
Anyway, I should stop ranting! Back to the sonnet!
I like the way you utilized the Shakespearean Sonnet so effectively. You created an amazing imagery for which I applaud you!
Your vocabulary and Grammar are satisfactory, and I cannot comment on either without going into a rant phase (I do that quite often)
There is just one spot where you did not entirely stick to the rhyme scheme."Attention//Intentions" I know the two words rhyme when they are either both in singular or both in plural, but when one's in singular and the other in plural, they don't rhyme.
But that something minor.
This was an brilliant sonnet and I am therefore rating it 8.0 out of ten. Remarkable!
Sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard

Lovely piece but I'm not sure about your iambic pentameter, better get someo wiser than I in. I only do iambic pentameter by ear so I can't review it great

There is so much I could say about this sonnet, but I'll put it simply: I love the imagery and feeling behind this piece. I can feel what you feel for your love in this piece. I can feel it as though it were my own emotion and as though I desired this person with the same depth you portrayed.

I can feel the relief of your love returning, the way it flows through your veins as the affections are, once more, returned in the physical sense; Not that they weren't felt in your absence from each other, but that the physical connection, the ability to see it first hand without something else in the middle of you two playing messenger...is special.

I can feel the glaring, the anger, toward others who seek the attention of your love. The way you wait there patiently while the others seek to get between you...it was heart-wrenching in its simplicity.

Truly, this sonnet is beautifully written, and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future.