Crimson Red

Overall, I think you did a pretty decent job. I hate to be maybe just a bit harsh, but you can be a bit more unique. Maybe use something as a metaphor or symbolism for cutting rather than cutting itself.

"They scream
They shout
They let it all out"
You could have done something a lot better with this stanza. You could have really filled it with absolute grief and heartbreak and improved the mood of the poem.

Your imagery is really getting there, but it could be better. You could describe what death may be like for her. You could describe various aspects of the bathroom. You could describe her parents.

Also, you could maybe try to stick to a specific style for your poem. Corresponding lines that rhyme or things of that sort...

It's definitely a good poem though with a lot of honest feelings!

I wish you the best.

Hi, there! Welcome to YWS! Wow, two works already? Nice! ^.^


Okay, let's start on this review.

Nitpicks...

of all the things that are untrue
her grey skies aren't turning blue

They scream
They shout
They let it all out

That their little girl was Depressed,
at the funeral, they cry

as they kiss their little girl goodbye

This is a great poem there is just one mistake. I think "they", should either be "the" or "their". Other than that it's perfect.
I see this poem as a warning for all parents with a bit of an ominous cynical melody. But maybe that's just the way I read it.
And welcome to the site, hope you enjoy it here.

I love the imagery and you did a great job quickly establishing the mood. Most of the time I find suicidal such a cliché, but yours was different because instead of making the girl whine about her problems, she simply committed the act. However, I do think your word choice could've been a bit better. The thing is that when you do poems that are so overdone, you have to try extra hard to make yours stand out from the rest.

I uh... ok. So, this poem is kind of depressing, not gonna lie. So there's a girl who's depressed and cuts her wrists and kills herself. I like the interesting rhyme scheme. If there was something I would add, it would be punctuation, as I feel like even poems need punctuation. "Her grey skies aren't turning blue" is a pure genius phrase (at least I liked it). I think I need to read cheerier stuff from now on, though.

Hello thar! This is Margo for a review.

This poem has, for the most part, good flow. The ryme could be a little stronger. "Scream and shout and let it all out" is not original. Oh ee oh ee oh ee oh!! Unless you haven't listened to that song, then I guess it technically is unoriginal by coincidence. You did a good job of portraying the hopeless mood. The subject here is clearly depressed. I agree that depression is something many parents are unaware about in their children...until it's too late. The last stanza "They never knew, they never guessed that their little girl was depressed," is effective. In my opinion you should either leave the poem at that or fix the last two lines to increase flow. Maybe if you said something like "At the funeral they cry, and kiss their little girl goodbye." Something I do to increase flow in a poem is to count the syllables in my lines. If two lines have similar syllables, they will flow more. I like that you bolded this and italisized it; this adds to the drama of the situation in my mind. I also like that you made the last line stand out from the rest of the poem. This too, adds drama. Watch for typos! "When they open they bathroom door"<--the bathroom door.

Well told and emotive write. Give this a one over with an editing comb and let me know if you do! I will kindly take the time to read this again. Toodles for now!