(856 words for the Last Man Standing contest)
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Iluan's chest felt heavy by the time he reached the top of the mountain.
This spot never changes.
Taking a deep breath, he turned back to the castle. Seen from one of the reachable peaks surrounding it, it almost looked like a displaced toy, peaceful in its protected valley, hidden from sights from every side except the one the road lead to. From where he stood, Iluan could see small figures moving down there; a merchant's carriage, from the looks of it. It crawled slowly towards the castle, stopping for a few minutes and then disappearing inside the castle's walls. Iluan took another breath, enjoying the scent of the air. It was different here than on the Invisible Islands; here he could almost taste it, the deep scent of wildflowers and slightly wet grass under his feet. Although the highest peaks glittered softly covered in snow, it was too far to feel it in the air. It was already cold, but not as cold as he knew could get in the winter, and he could hear small animals moving in the treetops, rushing as they collected food for the colder days to come.
Perhaps we should be doing that as well.
Iluan rubbed his temples, turning away from the castle again and taking a snaky path through the woods. When his father was crowned king, Iluan was too little to remember - it was before the twins were born, back in the days when he was just learning how to hold a wooden sword - but from what he heard, it was different. From what his mother told him, the ambassadors of both the Empire and Larinthion were there, greeting the new young king. Back then, he still vaguely remembered observing the flags of the three free cities so he could later show them to his tutor - the book of Alenoy, the octopus of Naisses and the winged rose of Rimlin.
Now, when his brother was crowned, the was no member of either of the two other royal families to pay their respects. The Emperor stayed silent, turning his back on Naavia, but that was hardly surprising. The relationship between the two countries was never close, ever since Naavia was founded, and in the years of Eol's rule it had only turned worse. But the Larinthian queen never openly voiced any sort of issue with the Naavian royalty, and her absence worried Iluan. It was no secret that the Empire was on far better terms with the eastern of two kingdoms, and he didn't like the thoughts swarming in his head.
Calm down. The fact they're not here doesn't mean they're plotting against you.
He shook his head slightly, forcing himself to smile and shove the thoughts away. His walk had lead him to a clearance, covered in unkept grass in more yellow tones than the green that covered the ground down in the valley. Between the strands, he could see the old statues: animals and shapes of dark stone, familiar from his childhood. They were old then already, left there like remnants of a nation whose time passed, memories resting high above the royal palace. He remembered running up these hills and hiding amongst them, playing and climbing in their backs. He remembered passing his fingers over the spread wings, burning tails and thin spiraled horns, countless times over the years; as he'd run from a fight his brothers had started, as he'd hide from his tutor or even seek ways to mend his broken heart.
I need to bring Riley here.
He smiled wider at the thought. Imagining her among the statues made him feel strangely, childishly proud; never before, though he had had his adventures, had he felt the need to bring anyone to this place, and a part of him saw it as proof Riralai was different.
"Iluan."
He turned, raising his eyebrows at Devin as he appeared behind the corner and followed the path to him. He looked tired, his hair tangled by the wind of the heights and his cheeks slightly flustered from the climb, and for some reason seemed younger than usually. Iluan smiled a bit again, taking a step towards him. It wasn't the first time his little brother followed him - this time, however, unlike that time when they were children, Devin didn't seem terrified of the grins on some statues' faces.
"Dev. What is it?"
His younger brother took a deep breath before answering - it was almost impossible to stand on any of the peaks above the castle without repeating that action at least a couple of times - and spoke in a fairly silent voice.
"Your carriage is ready," he said. "Erion insisted on sending a few of his men with you, they're waiting at the castle to leave at your word."
Iluan sighed, but nodded. "Of course..." He gave another look to the statues, before walking past his brother and following the path back. They seemed to be looking back at him, grinning. Strangely, although he was in no way a child anymore, they seemed bigger than he remembered, as the wind bent the grass under their feet.
*
Hi Aria!
You've managed to write another short but wonderful chapter here. I am really liking seeing all sorts of things from Iluan's point of view. I am afraid this review will also be fairly short because I haven't pulled aside many things to take note of as I was reading. This was next to perfection. You have a wonderful way with words, and it's evident in this chapter. You have some beautiful descriptions in here, of the area and his thoughts, and I loved seeing how prepared he was to share this space with Devin, and how much he wants to show it to Riley. I believe that showed me the caring and compassionate side of him, that he wanted to share and enjoy company with other people. In general, I just loved this too much <3
And now I only have one chapter to go and I am dreading it...While he was here in this spot and thinking of Riley, didn't he feel a bit of sadness because he knows he can't come to this place as he had often used to? He is reliving a childhood memory that he loved, but he has to leave it soon and they will parted for who knows how long. I thought it would be fitting to have him feeling a bit sad and wishing he could stay, and then thinking of Riley and how their love always pulls him back as fast as he could be.
I think the last comma there would be better as a colon, because after that you go on to explain the looks of the appearance and so on.
We get some close repetition of the word 'castle' here, and as always I am trying to wipe it out. I feel like this would be better if the castle was replaced with an 'it's' instead, and it might be even better if you followed it with one of your wonderful description words after the it's.
Last word there should really be 'usual'.
Aside from what has been mentioned, there really isn't much more to add. A short review for a short piece
Deanie x
Hello AriaAdams, I'm back!
I absolutely loved this chapter, as much as all the others. I cannot wait until I read the next one, so I shall not spend long. I really want to relate that I love these chapters, they are absolutely wonderful.
~Kelpies
Hi! Aravis here to review! Happy review day, by the way!
Unfortunately, I have not read your other chapters. But I have to tell you, I absolutely love your descriptions. I can close my eyes and almost feel the breeze and the grass and see the statues. I just, wow. I hope i can describe like you one day.
This seemed like a very short chapter and not a lot happened. I liked the descriptions but a few times they seemed a little... I don't know, too much. By the end I was hoping for something, anything to happen. Maybe it is just me... Idk.
Anyway, keep it up! I'm sorry this is so short, but it was short too. Go salsa verde!
Hey Aria! *Throws Silvery Glitter*
Main Points
I'm curious, is this really a merchant's carriage? Or is it actually Illuan's carriage? If it is Illuan's then I really like the fact that he sees it but thinks it's something else. If it isn't his then I like the small foreshadowing it does for Devon telling him that his carriage is ready. Either way it's pretty cool, a win-win situation.
I liked this line and it flowed really nicely from the previous paragraphs, but I felt that straight after he said it he forgets about it and goes off on another tangent. The way it's written has a tone of ominousness and leaves the reader feeling slightly concerned. The should at least be one sentence as an extension of that thought just to make the transition easier and the flow better. Otherwise it feels a little incomplete.
I don't really understand how this works. He observes the flags and shows them to his tutor? How? Does he make a sketch? Does he describe it? Does he make smaller versions? Unless... he steals them and shows them to his tutor? >.< At the moment it sounds a little strange and incomplete.
This whole paragraph was great. It confirmed a lot of my suspicions about the relationship between the three nations. It also makes sense then, why the Emperor was going to visit Larinthion. One thing that I am curious about, these are two kingdoms and an Empire, so why do you refer to them as the free cities? Is is just the way things are? Or are you specifically referring to the capital cities?
You have some lovely sentences describing the grass and flowers and whatnot but I felt you skimmed over the statues a little. I don't feel their aura and their presence as much as I should. Yes, the have wings, tails and horns, but are they animals? Or humanoid? Or animalistic humans? What's so terrifying about them?
This... is really, really nit picky buuut... XD If the grass is beneath their feet, then it's already squashed which kind of makes it hard to picture the wind bending it and all. Also if the grass is under their feet, then it means that they're standing on the grass which means that they're kind of shielding it from the wind...? I feel like a monster right now, >.< I'm so sorry. Blame exams.
“This was a bad chapter blah blah blah, I wrote it on my phone yaddah yaddah yaddah.” >.>
This was a GOOD chapter. Filler chapters are necessary. We can't have all action, all the time, or a plot twist and cliffhanger around every corner. Plus, you conveyed a lot of good information in this chapter, which I don't think was info dumpy, mainly because you worked in the information well and it felt relevant. I feel that the information that you included was necessary and because the chapter was short it didn't drag out or anything. Your descriptions always are really good, and this was no exception. Great job of portraying Illuan, considering how short his chapters have been you've done a great job in giving him definition. Anyways, keep it up ad happy writing!
Silverlock