Amber walked aimlessly until her legs ached and she grew tired. She stopped and looked around her. Everything looked the same. She was getting tired of seeing nothing but trees and dirt. She sank to the ground and cried, not caring what she might look like if anyone were to see her. Through her tears she thought she saw a hut appear in front of her. She looked closer. It was definitely there. Amber could swear it hadn't been there before. Or had she just not been looking properly? Getting to her feet, she walked up to the front door.
The door was wooden and looked like it was close to falling apart. It was slightly ajar. Not wishing to intrude, Amber knocked on the door. There was no answer. Feeling nervous, Amber pushed the door open further and stepped inside the hut, holding her breath. No one jumped out at her. She relaxed slightly. There wasn't much in the hut to look at. The only things in it were an old arm chair and a table. The arm chair was in a corner, and the table sat in the middle of the hut. Amber sat in the arm chair, not sure what to do. As more time passed, Amber thought maybe the hut had been abandoned and she relaxed. She closed her eyes, giving in to exhaustion.
Two people were leaning over her. The woman had red hair and brown eyes. She looked a lot like Amber. The man had dark hair and blue eyes. Their lips were moving, but Amber couldn't tell what they were saying. They were smiling down at her. The scene changed. A house was on fire and there were people screaming. There was blood everywhere. The woman was holding her, crying.
Amber jerked awake. She was sweating all over, and there were tears running down her cheeks. The dream had felt so real. She somehow knew the man and the woman were her parents. But why had she dreamt of them? What had happened to them?
Amber couldn't get back to sleep, no matter how hard she tried. She tossed and turned until eventually she gave up. She was gazing absently at the floor when she heard foot steps, and they sounded like they were getting closer and closer. In panic, Amber tried to stand up and ended up losing her footing and falling over, causing a loud bang to echo in the hut.
The door creaked open. Amber looked up from where she had fallen. An old lady was standing in the doorway. She had old, grey hair that was tied back in a bun and she was very thin. She wore an old looking teal blue dress. She looked down at Amber in shock. Amber stared back, frightened. She moved so that she was leaning against the wall of the hut. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she could disappear.
The old lady slowly moved further into the hut. She whispered in a strange language. Out of thin air, an old wooden chair appeared in front of her. She sat down on it. When she spoke to Amber, she spoke in a gentle, kind voice.
"Are you going to tell me who you are? Don't be frightened, I won't hurt you."
Amber opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
"I'm Josephine," the old lady said. "I'm a witch - but I won't hurt you, I promise. I only want to help."
"A witch?" Amber was incredulous, and still a little terrified. "But I thought witches didn't exist."
"And yet here I am." Josephine smiled.
There was a moment of silence.
"I'm Amber," Amber introduced herself. "I don't have a home or anywhere to go."
"You are welcome to stay with me if you would like to. We could get to know each other better."
Amber thought about it. She had nowhere else to. Making up her mind, she said,
"Okay - but only for a little while."
As the day continued Amber warmed to Josephine. Josephine went out and came back with a dead rabbit and fruit to eat. At first the thought of eating a dead rabbit nauseated Amber, but she needed to eat, and she got used to it. They talked more, but Josephine didn't push Amber to talk about anything she didn't want to talk about. Amber was grateful for this. She found out that Josephine had lived in the hut alone for several years. She had been shunned from the village she grew up in when people had learnt of her magic. She had been alone, just like Amber. Josephine seemed to like having Amber around and Amber liked having Josephine around. They became fast friends.
End of chapter
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Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!
Just a few things about these few sentences here. First of all, you use the word 'tears' here in back to back sentences. That's something you want to stay away from. Even though it might not seem like it, it's a bit repetitive. Secondly, you really don't need the last sentence here. You've already mentioned that she saw the hut, so there's really no reason for you to mention that the hut is in front of you. Instead, you could say something like, "The hut really was there" or "She hadn't just been seeing things". Something along those lines.
I like the dream you slipped into this chapter. It's not much of a dream, rather short actually, but it's very powerful. Just a few sentences about an image running through her mind while she sleeps. And even though it's short, I feel like it's foreshadowing for something greater.
I'm looking forward to reading more. This book is really coming along. Amber is going through quite an adventure here. So much is going on in her life and yet she keeps finding people to help her. I just hope that she finds out everything soon enough. I feel bad for her; she knows nothing and she's quite discouraged.
I do enjoy your writing. These chapters flow quite well and the plot is moving along as well. I'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes. Amber is bound to find everything out eventually, right? xD
Alrighty then, onto the next chapter!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Knight r4 here to review this work. I certainly hope this helps!
. If I were you I would change was to sat.What exactly did she tripped over?
Wow! Amber is very trusting. I would never stay with a witch even for an hour (that is if they existed).
The last paragraph was a little too wordy and telly but I guess it was alright. It could just use a little bit of work.
Overall I thought you did a pretty good job. The story sounds interesting enough but I think you could use a little bit deeper plot. You could also give more details such as what Amber had to eat. I mean it's not as if she has enough money to go into some town or other and buy food at the market. Right now it just seems like she is trying to stay alive though you don't show that she is desperate or anything. But it is realistic that she nearly collapsed from exhaustion. It was funny that she was pretty much oblivious to the fact that there was a hut right in front of her.
Thank you for the review
Hi there! Lisa here. Before I start, I have to say that I haven't read the earlier chapters, which I am going to do so now. ^-^
Firstly, I'd like to say that there was this minor spelling error, but I assume it's just a typo, so this can be dismissed xD
"She moved so that so was leaning against the wall of the hut."
Did you mean 'she'?
Overall, this story is pretty good so far. I love your description in this story. I have no other corrections to give, but it might take a sharper eye to do so. I really enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to your next chapter. Keep it up!
~Lisa
Thank you and well spotted