Amber's World: Chapter One

by Christina

Published January 25, 2014

E - Everyone

In Amber's World

Amber didn't know where she was. When she had walked through the portal she found herself in a meadow full of daisies and sunflowers. She looked around for a moment, feeling confused. She seemed to be in a whole new world. As she realized this, she started to smile. Anything was better than the world she had been in before she had walked through the portal. Amber felt like the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted off her shoulders. She felt calm and free. All she wanted to do was to run through the meadow rejoicing. And that is exactly what she did.

Suddenly a man's voice rang out across the meadow.

"Stop!" he shouted.

Amber stopped running and looked behind her. She saw a man riding a big, chestnut coloured horse. The man had curly, blond hair and clear blue eyes.

"What do you think you're doing, running in my meadow like that?" he demanded.

Amber felt so ashamed and didn't know what to say. Finally she managed, "I'm sorry. I didn't know this was your meadow. I've only just arrived here. I don't even know where I am."

Something in the man's eyes seemed to soften.

"I apologize," he replied. "I didn't realize. Come with me and I will help you."

Amber hesitated, not sure whether to trust this strange man. But she had no one else, and she didn't think it would be such a great idea to wander around on her own. So Amber walked over to him. He helped her on to the horse. There was silence for a while as they rode. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Amber decided to speak.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"My name is Jake. I work at the stables over there." He pointed towards the stables. Amber had to squint to see it as it was at a distance.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked.

"We're going to my home. Hopefully we can talk and figure things out."

"Okay," Amber said. She paused for a moment. "I'm Amber, by the way."

Jake smiled warmly at her. "Nice to meet you, Amber."

Eventually they reached a cottage. It was small but beautiful. There were rows upon rows of flowers around the cottage. Jake dismounted the horse and helped Amber down gently. He then led the way to the cottage door, Amber hesitantly trailing behind. Jake held the door open for her.

As soon as she walked through the door, Amber felt warmer and more comfortable. She hadn't even realized she'd been cold. As she looked around the small cottage, she saw two armchairs by a fireplace. She found herself moving towards one of the chairs. Behind her, Jake followed. They both gratefully sank into their armchairs, letting silence fill the air for a few minutes. Jake decided to break the silence.

"Would you like anything to eat or drink, Amber?" he asked.

Amber didn't hesitate to answer. She was starving and her throat was very dry.

"Yes, please."

Jake went away and came back with a glass of water, and a plate full of bread and cheese. He handed the plate to her and the glass of water. She took them gratefully. Jake sat back down and let Amber eat and drink. Amber ate ravenously; she hadn't eaten or had anything to drink in days. When she was finished, Jake took her plate and glass away. When he sat back down, he started to talk to her again.

"How old are you, Amber?" he asked.

"I'm seventeen," Amber replied.

"Okay," Jake said. "I've never seen you around these parts before. What brings you here?"

This was the question Amber was afraid to have to answer. He will probably think I'm crazy, she thought. But she decided she might as well tell him. He seemed like a kind, understanding person. So she told him everything that had happened. Amber felt so relieved to talk to somebody so openly about it.

Jake stared at her in shock for a few seconds. Then he said, "You need to come with me."

Amber followed Jake outside of the cottage and they mounted the horse again. This time, when they dismounted they walked through a village teeming with people. Amber had never been around so many people before, and struggled to keep up with Jake. Eventually they came to a house distanced away from all the other houses. It was a small, ordinary looking house. Jake walked over to the door and knocked. Amber stood behind him, anxiously waiting.

For a few minutes, nothing happened and they just stood there. Just as Amber was beginning to think no one must be in, the door opened. A tall, middle aged woman stood in the doorway. She had dark hair that was tied back in a bun, and she wore a beautiful green dress that sparkled in the light.

"What is it?" she asked Jake sharply. "I'm busy."

"Jane." Jake said her name in displeasure. "This isn't about me. I need to talk with you about our guest here." He gestured at Amber.

Jane looked Amber up and down, then glanced at Jake suspiciously. Looking at Amber one more time, she seemed to come to a decision.

"Come in," she said shortly.

She moved to let them pass her. Jake walked into the house, Amber following behind. The inside of the house looked far from ordinary. It was extremely dark and cold. A candle flickered on a table in the middle of the room, but that was the only light there was. There was a cauldron in the corner of the room, and shelves full of glass vials were lined up against the walls. Some of the vials had liquid in them; the colour of the liquid varied from purple, green, to blue.

Jane sat down on a chair at the table. Jake sat down on a chair at the opposite end of the table. Looking from Jake to Jane, Amber decided to sit on a chair closest to Jake. Silence filled the air. Amber could feel the tension between Jake and Jane as they looked at each other coldly.

Amber coughed, and Jake looked at her as if he'd forgotten she was there. He seemed to remember why he was there, and explained what had happened to Amber. He kept his gaze firmly on the wooden surface of the table as he spoke. Amber occasionally added something to help Jake as he was trying to explain. Jane listened intently. Her expression turned from indifference to wonder. When Jake and Amber had finished they all sat in silence for a moment. Jane looked thoughtful.

"It seems that something or someone wants you to be here," Jane said to Amber. "I can't say how any of this happened. It's a mystery. It's.... interesting."

"But what happens now?" Amber asked.

"I don't think you have any choice but to stay. Jake shall be able to provide you with food, water, clothes, and a bed."

Jake didn't look like he liked being bossed around like that, but he didn't say anything. He stood up abruptly.

"We must go now," he said.

He looked like he wanted to run out the door as fast as he could, but he waited for Amber. She stood up and tried to be as quick as possible.

"Thank you for your help," she said to Jane.

Jane smiled kindly at her and said, "You're welcome."

Amber then followed Jake out the door. As they were walking away from the house, Amber looked back. Jane was stood in the doorway, watching them go. She looked grave.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2014

Hi there! Noelle back for another Review Day review!

Okay, now I'm not so happy about the prologue. Not to be harsh or anything, but I'm having second thoughts about it now. Prologues usually happen at a different time than the first chapter or in a different part of the world or with different people. After reading the beginning of this chapter, the prologue seems more like a chapter than a prologue. Chapter 1 is like a continuation from the prologue. That's just my opinion.

But moving on from that conversation, I really enjoyed this chapter. Jake is a very interesting character. He just accepts that Amber was sorry for prancing around in his meadow and takes her back to his house. Then he calmly listens to her story and decides to help her. That really shows a lot about his character. Here he is, listening to a stranger tell him this bizarre story about seeing a light and walking through it, and he believes ever word of it. He's definitely an imaginative guy. I can't wait to see where the relationship between Amber and Jake goes. I have a feeling that it's going to go somewhere ;)

The flow and pace of this chapter is good. I feel like, if anything, the conversation Amber and Jake have at Jake's house is a bit rushed. He doesn't offer her food or drink or asks about what it's like where she comes from. They just sit down and get right to business. To make it a bit more realistic, you might want to add some other conversation in there. Just a paragraph or two, it doesn't have to be much.

I cannot wait to read more. I'm totally hooked!

Onto Chapter 2!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

User avatar
UshertheThird
Review
UshertheThird wrote a review Review · Jan 26, 2014

Hello, Christina! This story is captivating, and I like where it is going. Both of the characters seem interesting and likeable. The chapter left me with a lot of questions.

My main suggestion is to add more to the story. I'd like to know more about what Amber is thinking and feeling. Also, more conversation might make the interaction between Amber and Jake interaction feel more believable.

There are some parts that could be made smoother.

clear blue eyes that were as blue as the ocean
You might want to reword this description.
This was what Amber was afraid to have to answer.
This line is awkward to read. Perhaps you could change it to something like, "This was the one question Amber was afraid to answer," to make the meaning clearer.
"I was standing at the edge of a cliff, and I suddenly saw this ball of light appear out of nowhere. It came towards me and I stepped through it. Then I was in the meadow, where you found me. Now here I am."
All of this is summary of what happened very recently in the story. I don't think it's necessary to write it all out. Perhaps it could say something more general, like "Amber explained how she arrived in the meadow."

That's all I have to suggest. I'm enjoying the story, and I look forward to reading the next part!

Thank you for your review. I will try to make the changes you pointed out. Thank you for the great advice.

User avatar
Crookshanks
Review
Crookshanks wrote a review Review · Jan 25, 2014

Hey there :)

I liked this a lot! It was interesting to read and I can't wait to see more development in the story and learn more about Amber and this mysterious Jake guy. Anyways, this is very well-written, which made it an easy read, so thanks for that.

Just a few things, though. Firstly, your beginning is somewhat confusing. You start with "the other side," but don't say the other side of what. So as a reader, I'm just really left wondering if this is even the beginning of the story -- like, oh no, did I miss something?! Of course, once you mention the ball of light later on, it makes more sense, but I just think it's such an interesting concept that you could've really come out with a much stronger beginning to really capture interest.

Another thing: why does she go with this strange, random man, in this new place she's never even been before? It's a little unbelievable to me -- she gets thrown into this new place and just starts running around and hopping on horses with strangers without the slightest worry about where she is or what's going on? I think you need to show a little confusion or something where we can at least get more information about why she would be so fine with doing all this -- was she running from something before the light enveloped her, etc.?

Also, here you have Jake asking all the questions, but I feel like Amber would really be the one who's confused and has more to ask. She's just pretty quiet and it just seems to me that she would be the one with more questions to ask. However, maybe this is all just a part of her character.

Anyways, I'm really excited to see where you take this idea and how you develop it. I can't wait to read more of it and I hope I was able to help!

xoxo Crookshanks

Hello. Thank you for your review. It is very helpful. I'm glad you like the story.

Also, I did post up a prologue. It might make a bit more sense if you read it.



Maybe what most people wanted wasn't immortality and fame, but the reassurance that their existence had meant something. No matter how long... or how brief. Maybe being eternal meant becoming a story worth telling.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality