Later on that day, Amber found herself back at the cottage with Jake. They were sitting down on the chairs in front of the fireplace again. Amber was listening to Jake talk.
"We're in a war," Jake was saying. "And we are expecting to be attacked in a few days time. We're trying to move families into safety and plan a counter attack."
Amber listened to him, her expression solemn. She had only met Jake a few hours ago, and only briefly seen some of the people who lived in the village. Everyone had been so kind to her and welcomed her with open arms. Thinking about this, Amber realized she cared about these people. She didn't want any of them to get hurt. She couldn't just stand by and do nothing. She just couldn't.
"What can I do to help?" she asked.
She regretted asking instantly. Jake looked at her as if she were mad.
"You're not doing anything," he answered. "You will go with the rest of the women and their families. Only the willing men will stay to fight. That is the way of things."
"But-"
"No, Amber. I won't change my mind," Jake cut Amber off.
She glared at Jake crossly. How dare he talk to her like that! She was old enough to make her own decisions. How could he expect her to do nothing and let innocent people suffer? He was mad if he honestly thought she would do that. But she said nothing. Jake stood up and walked away. As she looked at the fire in the fireplace, Amber started to form a plan in her head.
That night, Amber dreamt of her life before she had walked through the portal. She had lived on the streets, always looking for leftover bits of food and drink. Most of the time it had tasted disgusting, but it was the only food and drink she got. She would try to hide away in dark corners of streets so no one would notice her. Whenever someone did notice her, they would usually hit her. No one had ever wanted or loved her. She had no memories of her parents. She'd lived her life on her own. Amber had never believed in magic before the portal appeared to her. She wondered why it had appeared. Was it something she had done, or something someone else had done? One thing she was sure of was that the portal had saved her life. At first it had been frightening to find herself in a whole new world, but she had met people that seemed to care about her and love her. She felt safe here.
The next day, Amber woke up refreshed and determined. She brushed her hair and changed clothes. Jake had left out a long purple dress for her, but she ignored this and found some old trousers and a shirt to wear. She quietly moved around, tip toeing down the stairs, and left the house. As she walked past peoples houses, she saw the expressions on all their faces; they looked worried and unhappy. No one noticed her as they were all so busy.
After at least half an hour of walking she came to the forest. Everywhere she looked she saw trees with green leaves. The trees were tall, and their leaves rustled gently in the breeze. Amber found a tree in the middle of the forest and hid behind it, facing towards the village. She couldn't see the village and no one in the village could see her. Amber knew that someone would probably attack from the forest, and she wanted to catch them off guard.
She waited, the sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ears. Her palms started to sweat, but Amber stayed still and tried to be as quiet as she could. She had stolen, or as she preferred to think of of it, borrowed a dagger she had found as she searched through the house last night when Jake was asleep. She held it in her shaking hands now, nearly dropping it when she heard voices, quiet at first, but louder as they came closer. Amber recognized the voices as belonging to men. Listening to them talk, she thought there must be about four of them.
The voices seemed so close now. Amber held her breath, afraid to make any sound. She peeked round the tree she was hiding behind. There were four men, as she had predicted, and they had their backs to her. Realizing she wasn't going to get a better opportunity, she ran out from her hiding place, heading for one of the men. One of the other men heard her, and turned around. He shouted out a warning to the others, and they stood up, turning to face her. The man Amber was about to attack was too slow and she managed to stab him in the leg. Shocked at what she had just done, she looked down at the blade of the dagger. It was covered in dark red blood. The man she had just stabbed seemed shocked too. Taking advantage of her shock, one of the other men grabbed her from behind. She tried to break free but his grip was like iron. He threw her on to the ground. One of the men kicked her. Another joined in. Tears streamed down her face. Her tears made her vision blurry. All she could hear was the laughter of the men as they hurt her. All she could feel was the men's harsh blows. She managed to get back up, but then she was being pushed and pulled back and forth as if she were a ball. Pushed back on to the ground again, she lay there, wishing it would all just stop. Eventually she felt herself being practically thrown into a cart.
Everything was spinning around her. There were dots in front of her eyes and she felt sick. Closing her eyes, she let the darkness take her.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Amber's World: Chapter ThreePoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi there! Noelle back for another Review Day review!
I think these couple of sentences are great. This is where characterization happens. This is where the readers get to learn more about the characters. You've done a great job here with Amber. Here she is, completely new to this world, but she doesn't want to see any of them die. And then later on when he's offended that Jake won't let her fight; that's a great revelation of character as well. Kudos to you for awesome character development!
Overall, this is another great chapter. I don't have much to say about this quite unfortunately. But that's only because I was so wrapped up in it and I enjoyed it so much. I have so much more respect for Amber when she ran to the forest. She didn't waste time trying to tell everyone else of her theories, she just went and took action by herself. Pretty brave if you ask me. Or maybe she's just stubborn. Brave and stubborn; a combination of the two.
Onto Chapter 3! I really need to find out what happens to Amer!!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
"No, Amber. I won't change my mind." Jake cut Amber off.


A comma should precede the speaker's tag in this instance .
The man Amber was about to attack was too slow, and Amber managed to stab him in the leg.
I think the comma was not necessary here. Singly, the sentence would have sounded better by replacing Amber the preposition she .
The man Amber was about to attack was too slow and she managed to stab him in the leg.
anyway , one would have to screen this piece with a microscope to find the grammatical errors, ones I constantly make myself .
now that I'm done with this review stuff let me go to the most important thing and that is to shower this chapter with its most deserved compliments.
I just loved the writing in this piece. The descriptions are so vivid I couldn't help it be afraid for Amber. I think she is quite the pertinent young girl,a fool on a much harsher note.
The end was incredibly dramatic and I loved how you slipped in suspense with the last sentence . although the phrase 'everything went black' has become such a cliché theses days and I'm sure you could have whipped up a much more creative phrase to replace it.
That being said, I eagerly await to see what will happen to Amber in the next chapter.
Thank you