I don't own you
And I don't even know you.
But how many times has it been?
That you're all that I've seen.
Like a mushroom,
You suddenly appear.
Without warning
You started existing.
I wouldn't have concluded
But it can't be eluded
'Cause the hints are not clouded.
That you come,
When I least expected.
Whenever I'm down
And internally wounded
You lessen the pain,
by a hundred.
But to these feelings,
You are clueless.
Because after all,
We're just strangers
That constantly walk pass, each other.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hey! xXBRODYXx here for a review.
First I will say what I like than I will do my nitpicking:3
I think that this poem is good but also a little confusing, so nothing to change there, and I think that the over all feel of the poem is good and fun.
Now for the nit-picks
On the last line I think the word pass should be past.
And I also think that there should not be a comma after pass, it just breaks up the flow of the poem. And that's all can't wait to see more from you.
I'm happy that you liked it even though you're somewhat confused
Hey! Retro here for a review!
Also, I know mushrooms do appear in a fashion but it seems a bit like an odd choice. You talk about almost chance in this poem so a description about say a suprise rain storm or something like I feel would work better within your context 
I really like the idea you've created, very strangers on the train sort of thing. I think it is clever how this twist isn't put forward until the end so it gives a bit of an awwwww factor! This was a good poem, and with a bit of work i am sure it will be excellent! 
First I'll do some nitpicks then talk about what I like, okay?
' Like a mushroom,
You suddenly appear. '
This might just be me but i'm pretty sure you don't need the comma there
' I wouldn't have concluded
But it can't be eluded '
This rhyme sort of came out of nowhere, and it threw me of slightly. Though I like all your word choices so I'd personally reccomend maybe shifting around the sentence so you get more of flowly flow.....which i've decided should be a technical term.
Other than that there are no massive nitpicks but maybe just a suggestion. the part where you talk about the pain being lessened. I like it but I feel like you could do more with it. I'd love a bit more of a punch in the gut sort of feeling. Like maybe a tiny description of the pain, but that might just be me being greedy
Now onto what I liked!
Keep it up,
here if you need me!
~Retro
Thanks for the review and suggestions
Wow, such a strong and true poem. I love your wording and your flow is beautifully consistent. It's great!
Thanks
.. I'm glad you we're able to check it.
WOW!
This is so good! This piece really made me say WOW at the ending. As in, out loud. You can bet I'll be reading more of your works!
So anyway, down to the 'nitpicks' or whatever. Don't worry, I don't really have that much, it's mostly punctuation anyway. Your punctuation is very good, by the way. All you just need is a few commas in certain places. Though, maybe it's supposed to be like that? Also, the line
"That constantly walk pass, each other."
Was a perfect ending, but the comma isn't necessary either. I guess that's it! You did a really great job! I'll certainly be reading more of your works! Till then, keep writing!
GrapeNerd
Whoa, thanks. This made me happy