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Young Writers Society


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Fading Fairytales - Chapter Four (III)

by crossroads


(1580 words for Last Man Standing contest - the final part of this chapter.)

_______

Not one pair of eyes turned to Carys as he crept in the shadows between the houses, keeping close to walls and avoiding the windows. His fingertips followed the cold, strangely grainy texture of the rock used to build the round walls. It was different, but not unpleasantly so, from the familiar feeling of wood under his fingers whenever he’d touch the walls of their house in the forest. Here, people seemed to not care whether their homes were alive - judged by how silent the walls were, Carys guessed these houses’ owners didn’t even know how to read and understand them.

I wonder if that’s so in the town as well, he thought as he pulled himself closer to a window. It was rather small and not very high from the ground - Sir Oristan would have to bend over slightly to look through it properly - and it offered Carys the view to a room as round as the outer walls. He could spot swings made of sheets, hanging around the hearth in the middle, and a small dog sleeping under one of them.

He leaned his head to a side a bit, his nose nearly touching the transparent fabric spread over the window’s opening to keep insects and animals away. Following the wall right from him, there was a long table with four seats, and a smaller seat on tall legs stood a bit further, with a toy on the floor next to it. Carys smiled a little, turning his head to the other side - but before he got to see anything more than the front door and wooden ladders leading somewhere up next to it, something tugged at his pants.

“Don’t--” He frowned as he nearly jumped back. A small child - girl, as much as Carys could tell, maybe two or three years old - was looking at him with her hand still reaching for his clothes, blinking curiously. “...Hello.”

The girl flashed him a smile, cocking her head a bit to a side.

Carys licked his lips. He has seen children in the forest - not many, but a couple - but he had no way of knowing whether this child was the same as them. Over the years, much thanks to Sir Oristan, he has heard stories of life and history of the people in the kingdoms and the Empire, but none of those stories ever told how to talk to one of them - especially not to one which seemed too small to even talk properly.

“I was…” He stole a quick glance at the window as the girl looked at his shirt. Compared to that dull-coloured little robe of hers, I suppose my clothes really are interesting. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Should you be here alone? Do you live here?” He pointed at the house. “Is this your home?”

The girl opened her mouth, and Carys gave her what he hoped to be an encouraging smile, but if she was going to say anything, her words got cut by the sound of a horn.

Looking up, Carys automatically took a step back. In the forest, the sound of the horn meant the approaching of a pack of wolves, a stranger or a creature more or less benevolent than either of those. Here, however, it didn’t seem to make anyone scared. Smiling widely, the girl turned around and ran towards the sound, and Carys reluctantly turned back to the woods.

You’ve seen nothing yet, a voice inside his head noticed in a singsong tone, and he stopped with a frown. A small child wasn’t afraid, so why should you be?

“I could just keep to the shadows and take a look,” he muttered, carefully turning his back to the woods again and walking in the direction the girl left.

*

The small clearance he walked into was covered in stone as well, but different kind from the one they used for houses. This stone was familiar to Carys, and he could feel it slightly vibrating under his feet, offering its stories to whomever was able and willing to listen. He had seen such stones in the forest many times, laying nearly hidden in ivy and wildflowers, providing a hiding place for small animals and reptiles - and even Carys himself, back when he was small enough to play such games and fit in such places. But the rocks here weren’t left under care of the nature; they were shinier and cleaner, carefully laid so the ground would be as flat as possible.

Carys knew the roads made that way could last for a long time. He could see one extending to both sides of the small square he stood on - one lead further south, in a direction he wasn’t familiar with; the other snaked north, disappearing in the woods only a few houses away from where Carys found his way into the village.

“Move, boy!” Something heavy pushed his shoulder, and he found a short, sturdy man grinning at him as he found his balance again. “You don’t want to be ran over by His Excellence, do you?”

“What…” The man was speaking Larish, but with a heavy accent Carys placed somewhere much further to the south. He frowned a bit. “...Whose Excellence?”

The man’s grin now threatened to swallow his own face, his head hanging a bit on the side. His eyes slid over Carys’s appearance and he hissed silently. “You’re not from here, are you?” The man turned serious, only to smirk a moment after. “His Excellence the Emperor, that’s who. I tell you… Go to one side…” he moved his hands to the right, “...or to the other.” He demonstrated by moving his hands to the left and shook his head. “You’ll get stamped over by his horses if you stay here.”

It was Carys’s turn to have his words cut off, as a woman called the man from one of the houses. He left shaking his head and muttering something about strange ways others raised their children, and Carys turned from him after a few moments. He headed across the square instead, approaching a table filled in different fruit. A young woman raised her eyebrows as he stepped close enough, her eyes too sliding over his appearance first.

“You look hungry.”

I’m not, he wanted to say, but just nodded a bit as she took a pear from her table. He had tried one only once before - they weren’t common in these parts, he knew, nearly as much as they were in the kingdom of Naavia and some of the Empire’s islands.
He dug through his pockets, remembering the stories Sir Oristan told him. The people on the outskirts of the forest still despised money - gold, silver and copper coins of different shapes and sizes people used in the cities - but they didn’t understand the concept of sharing either, expecting something in return no matter who the other person was.

Not finding anything he could really offer, he sighed and looked at his weapon. It was nothing but a small piece of wood, with a couple of meaningless symbols carved on its surface and only a few tiny arrows dripped in poison stored inside, but he saw it valuable nonetheless.

Maybe she does too, he told himself. And if the people here like you, you could return and talk to them, as them to tell you stories not even Sir Oristan knows…

He smiled a bit, offering it to her, now hoping she’d take it although his heart hurt a little at the thought. You’ll return later with something else and trade it back. His inner voice sounded convincing as the woman nodded and took it, observing it closely and then putting a small bag of pears in his hand. He met his eyes for a moment as she did that - they were dark as the evening sky, but shining softly as she smiled.

“Anything else for the colourful stranger?”

“No…” He glanced at his weapon in her hand - she was holding it like a living easily breakable thing - and smiled back. “Thank you.”

*

Despite the man’s warnings about the horses and the carriage, Carys didn’t see as much as a glimpse of the Emperor as he kept exploring, walking around the square and politely smiling to strangers.

The more time he spent there, the more relaxed he felt. Several pairs of eyes still turned to look at him curiously, but he payed them no attention, and soon enough he couldn’t understand what ever stopped him from coming here sooner.

Sir Oristan’s words. His warnings, that’s what stopped you.

He leaned against a wall of one of the taller houses, counting the pears he had left before deciding to just eat one more and saving the others to give the others in the forest, when he heard the horn again. This time, it seemed closer, and not even half a pear later he saw the first horses.
 Tall and proud, two black stallions lead the way for six others, each with a rider in dark orange suit. The first one carried a flag as well - dark coat of arms with a bronze wasp on the black surface - and the carriage followed shortly after.

Carys only managed to catch the same wasp on its side, and a figure hidden in the shadows of the inside, before a familiar gloved hand clasped his shoulder, without a word pulling him back into the woods.

***


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1634 Reviews


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Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:21 pm
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Deanie wrote a review...



Hey Aria!

Oh wow, I really need to get around to reading this more often xD I have to say, these chapters have far improved from the first ones, and the first ones weren't even bad to begin with! Every time I come back I feel like I am left with less and less to say, and am simply enjoying the story most of all. I think seeing things from Carys's point of view is my favourite so far. :D What I liked here was seeing the village and getting to know a little bit about how this society works. I guess Carys must be wondering what he was supposed to be avoiding seeing as this place seems reasonably normal. Oh, and I did get a little bit confused about the part with the child in the forest. Was she a normal child or not? I will explain my reasoning.

In the chapter you do mention that there are children of the forest and she could "be like them". Which means she's either a normal child or... something else? A type of monster? I feel like the definition to this 'them' needs to be properly explained, otherwise I feel confused about how dangerous this girl could've possibly been. I don't get his fear and confusion about seeing her. So perhaps this is an element to the story that should be properly explained?

approaching a table filled in different fruit.


I think you mean filled with different.

One thing I don't understand is why Carys would be trading his valuable weapon when he isn't even hungry? Yes, pears are a rarity as you said, but I wouldn't go trading away things I love so much if I don't really need any food at the moment. On top of that, is he just assuming he won't need any weapons when he travels home? He doesn't know what might happen to him! Or it could be one of those cases where he does it without thinking. But it was just something funny I noticed. Maybe you should make him hungry, to justify him making the trade.

he had left before deciding to just eat one more and saving the others to give the others in the forest


Suggestion: he'd left before deciding to eat just one more and save the rest for the others in the forest.

I know this was a very short review, but then this was very good chapter, as I have said in the beginning of this. I hope this pacing and story continues to be this good! I think Sir Oristan might've found him as well... I wonder how that will work out xD

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Deanie x




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Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:02 pm
Kelpies wrote a review...



Hello AriaAdams! Me again.

I absolutely love the character change! From the prince, to a forest boy. I must keep reading, for this is one of my favorites. But I am going to stay long enough to give you a quick pointer:

"islands.
He dug through his pockets," I do believe that you need two spaces between the period and he. That's all.

~Kelpies




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Mon May 19, 2014 5:35 am
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Snowery wrote a review...



I'm back again! Yes! D

Main Points

judged by how silent the walls were,


This sounds a little funny, maybe try "judging"?

Oh, by the way I thought that this was a fabulous paragraph. You reveal so much about the forest people's way of life. I thought it was really nicely done.

offering its stories to whomever was able and willing to listen.


I love, love, love this aspect of your world. It's awesome how you give inanimate objects some sort of life force. That people like Carys can almost listen to them or communicate with them. It just makes your world so much richer. I think it's a great idea, great stuff! :)

The man’s grin now threatened to swallow his own face,


Urgh! BRILLIANT imagery!!! Just... just awesome.

Great characterisation of that man by the way. He really came to life.

a familiar gloved hand clasped his shoulder,


*Gasp!* Sir Oristan found him?


Okay, so I think this has been my favourite chapter so far and the most well written. As you saw most of my comments have been positive and they'll probably continue along that vein. I really like Carys, though it might be because we've spent the most time with him and thus have been able to watch his character develop a little more. I'm really curious though as to where this story is actually going. I see no overall plot yet (which is not a bad thing, just an observation) and I'm wondering how this will all pan out. At first I thought this novel was going to be a documentation of the rippling affects of the king's death, the unrest it might cause and the fight for the throne but with the inclusion of Carys I'm beginning to feel that it's much, much bigger. Your novel is one of the most full bodied (high quality Arabica bean coffee) that I've read on YWS, I feel that there's a lot of depth to this and I can't wait to read more. So keep it up and happy writing!!:) :)

Silverlock




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Wed May 14, 2014 2:03 am
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Shady wrote a review...



Ri!

It makes me sad when I see your works with no reviews on them. Is your modliness scaring people away? :( Never fear, I will review this for you (even though I have none of the back story). Right, review then...

Okay, so, even though I have no idea who Carys is or why he is creeping on houses, you pulled me into your story nicely. As always your grammar and punctuation are incredibly well done (the Grammar Nazi commends you) and aids your readers in getting involved in the story. I'm intrigued now.

but none of those stories ever told how to talk to one of them - especially not to one which seemed too small to even talk properly.
~ D'aww, that's adorable. I love people getting bewildered by small children. <3

The small clearance he walked into was covered
~ Uh... clearing? I've never heard it described as a clearance before. xD

He met his eyes for a moment as she did that
~ He did what now?
~

Okay, those are literally the only complaints I have. This was an excellent bit of a story, and I am likely going to go back to read the rest of it (even though I really don't have time to-- but oh well, your writing tends to have that effect on me xD). I love the cliffhanger you leave us with... even though I hate it. But, you know what I mean. I'm tired, I'll shut up now. Very nice story. c:

~Shady 8)





But there was no goat man, there was NEVER any goat man!
— OSP Red