Reality Time

Hi, Messenger here to review this for you on Review Day! Got Team Red!!

So, shall we begin?!?!

Wow this was . . . strange, although not necessarily in a bad way. I think I understand what you are saying, but this almost sounds like you are saying "life is too hard, but we are stuck with it, but it is precious, but I'd rather not have to live, but I would."
I have to agree with fortis that I think you need a lot more on this. It literally looks as if you have a skeleton here (it's so tall and skinny ) you could really go far with this poem if you took the time to add some meat to it. Try adding more detail, more background. Maybe this could even be a short story (that depends on whether you write poetry-only or not, but I can see it doing well as a short story)

I just can't really decide how I feel like this poem. I think it is a good start, but I think you have potential to make it WAY better. Your decision though. If you don't want to change it up then I can't make you, but I think it could definitely be better.

~Messenger

Hello!

As the reader of this, I am rather confused at what you're trying to tell me. I have no idea what the message of this is, or what it even might be. Thus, I can't even tell if I like it or not. There's so little to base it off of, so few words to decide on.
Thus (again) my review will be rather short.
To fix this thing with the confusion at the point of this, I think you should look deep within yourself, (if it's not already apparent) and figure out what you're trying to say. Then write down what you're trying to say. Don't bother with the poetry type stuff yet. After you have it all out, every thing you wanted to say on paper, then you can take certain phrases etc. and play around with them to turn it into a poem. Or do something else. It just needs more words and more understanding for the reader.

Technical stuff for the poem as it is:
your rhythm starts out as two syllables with the unstress on the first one and the stress on the second. And that stays through your whole poem, except one the lines when it doesn't. The words that end in -ing are all against this pattern.
"Awakened Truth" actually works, because even though it's 4 syllables, it still fits the stress pattern.
"For Better" doesn't work though, because it's only three syllables and cannot fit the patter. If you stuck an "and" on the end of it though, it would work. But then you'd have to get rid of the "for bad" or "for worse" for coherency's sake. "Worth living" also follows this scheme of not working unless you add another little word on the end of it.
I'm sure you can figure out the rest.
By the way, I actually liked the first lines and how you repeated "one" and I don't think it's choppy at all. I think it works.
Great job, Keep writing!
~fortis

Hey there Kate here to review for you and Reviewlution on yet another amazing review day!

Heyyy I just write a review for you ! Okay so I think it's best if I take this in parts...

One night

One dream

One night Whyd you repeat this and why did you repeat one three times it feels really choppy

No sleep

From dawn

To dusk consider breaking this poem into three line stanzas

Trying

Fighting

Awakened truths trying what I'm really lost here. Why is she fighting the truth?

Hiding

Deciding

For good

For better

For bad

For worse I get the good, better,bad, worse but the repetition seems again unatural

A life

Worth living

Awake

Aware I loved this part , nice job I got the message here

Reality time

A hefty fine

No one can decline um random rhyming at the end of the poem *looks awkwardly from left to right* not sure what to say here

So the over all review. you got rhythm and rhyme toward the end of the poem which really made the flow uneven. The message was also very unclear. I can tell something is hard and the person is kind of fighting to decided something or realize something but it's unclear till' the end where you guess she is coming to terms with life and the burden that there is no running from reality? I think the idea was good but it needed to have better execution to get the point across or maybe I'm just being daft. Sorry if this was a little harsh. I look forward to reading more of your writing!

~Kat