How many times do I have to close my eyes before I become numb to my own opinions?
How long will it take for me to escape my hideous reality?
When will my flaws get invisibility so I don’t have to see them over and over again?
When the pain seeps in, it sticks to my flesh, to my skin.
I can’t get the images they leave of the perfect girl I’m supposed to be out of my head.
They serve as a constant reminder that I am not good enough,
I’m not beautiful enough to be accepted into the society around me.
I’m not be pretty enough to deserve the love of others.
Then you came along, and how wonderful it was.
I was finally free from my own sickening thoughts.
Though the flaws still sit here, beneath my skin, they are belittled by the beauty within.
Of course I couldn’t see that all this time.
Obviously I wouldn’t have noticed it without help from you.
When you look through stained glass, it ruins the view.
But when you take a look through the clear glass nearby, you see so much better.
Yes the flaws are brighter but the blessings are brightest yet.
When taking something in, consider the source.
The stained glass will exaggerate your blemishes, and you’ll believe it.
You’ll always trust it, until you change the perspective.
And if you still think that the mirror lies, despite the fact of it’s glass so clear
Then look to someone who can see the truth.
Sometimes it’s your eyes whose glass is not clear.
And those stains will be wiped away by the truth about you.
Never consider the stained glass, because through it are evil intents.
(Here is a YouTube video I made of it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuPjyFO4pyY)
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Hey there! Scarlet here for review!
I personally did like this poem but I do have a few nitpicks.
NITPICKING TIME!!!!!
-I don't like how this poem is so repetitive, words repeat more than once.
-The line 'I’m not be pretty enough to deserve the love of others.'
I feel the word pretty could've been replaced with something else. The line before that used the world beautiful which basically means the same thing.
Also it sounds odd: 'I'm not be pretty?' be? Read that and tell me it doesn't sound slightly odd.
-'But when you take a look through the clear glass nearby, you see so much better.'
I believe this sentence could've been so much better, maybe try something like
'But when you take a look through the clear glass nearby, you see so much clearer.'
The word clear makes it sound more professional.
-'Yes the flaws are brighter but the blessings are brightest yet.'
There should be a 'the' between the words 'blessing' and 'are'
Other than that I don't see any grammar issues. There might be a few punctual but I'm not the one to ask about that.
Keep writing!
Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde
Writer, Artist, Student and Reader
Hello.
You have an interesting concept here, but I'd like to see it expressed in a slightly more poetic way. Right now, you have every idea taking up a whole unbroken line, no stanzas, and in general it feels like sentences laid out. That's a good starting point, but you can do more with this.
For starters, know that each sentence doesn't have to be one line. You can break up sentences to put them in multiple lines, which helps built what poets call flow. If you want some help with that, check out this workshop.
Next, I'd try to make this metaphor a little bigger. Right now, you have some interesting twists on the whole "warped mirror", and I'd love to see more of it. Think about where you find stained glass, how else it's seen, and generally explore the idea throughout every line of this poem. Right now the early ideas of the poem, namely the ideas of self hatred, are pretty blunt and as a result feel like everything I've read before on the topic. The stained glass, as a result, feels like it comes out of nowhere because it's thrown in near the end.
It'd be nice if the metaphor became part of this poem, more, and you toned back on the lines that say it really obviously. You have a really interesting idea and I'd love to see it polished up.
Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.
~Rosey
Hi, LunaClipse. This is Pinkie here for a review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses *puts on my pink glasses*
I like this poem. It is very touching to me. You gave a descriptions and good wordings into the poem which it gave a message into the poem. It related to me from the past while I read this wonderful poem. I smiled at the time when I was young, little girl. Well, I did see some errors on here. Annaclare did point out the errors so I will leave it alone. Anyway, I enjoyed this poem. I love to read more from you. Have a nice day!
Awesome Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13